Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't read him.

32 replies

Fuzzyfairies · 26/05/2021 15:50

I'm so so confused with this bloke. We met last year when he came round with a friend of mine to help do some work for me. He was in and out my house for 5 weeks. Liked him. He liked me. We added eachother onto Facebook. Swapped numbers. Met up when we could. Chatted regularly. 3 months in we said we loved eachother and we were just enjoying each day as it came.

But something just felt a little hard work. I think it's because he was still speaking with his ex alot and seemed up and down towards her. We pulled away from eachother when we just seemed to be getting abit irritated by one another.

Three weeks ago we bumped into eachother. He's been calling me and messaging again. We are back on eachothers social medias. He's not one to open up that much about feelings. But he will say things. But I'll be honest I am really struggling to read him.

Last week we had a phone chat and it was a huge catch up about work and various things. He said he hadn't moved on or dated and was not looking for a relationship. We talked about us and he said he felt like we were supposed to have met and it did play on his mind when we were apart. He said he was not sure whether to get in touch incase I didn't want him too. I told him I still loved him and he said as I do you! I never stopped!

For the last two weeks we've not been able to arrange anything due to work etc. But we've chatted alot! But I feel like he's left it in neutral. Because he said he doesn't want a relationship. But then we had this seperate conversation about us where he expressed regret. Said hed like you to eventually see eachother more and stuff.

Today we've had a phone chat. He brought his ex up. Saying she had done some research on Corona figures by contacting the NHS because she was wanting some facts for herself. I asked him what the deal with them was. Were they wanting to rekindle or just mates. He was very much like no no no just friends we don't want each other that way.

This afternoon I told him about someone we both know who had wanted to date me whilst we were apart. I did not date him but there's some stuff on my Facebook that might look like he's keen and I just wanted to reassure him incase it looked dodgy. He suddenly said he had recently had to put a couple of women off. He said women are terrible for getting the wrong idea when he's just nice.

I asked him if I get the wrong idea and he said I think sometimes you could do?? So I said so was I wrong in thinking you had feelings for me. He said I told you I liked you so that's why you knew. Then he changed the subject.

I'm so confused. He really isn't after sex. He's not like that and sex isn't something he chases after. He's quite a deep thinker.

I want to send him a message within the near future to ask him what he would like from me. Friendship. Or attempt a relationship. But I d like to know what he is looking for so I can move forward or start discussing on what we want next.

How would you word it? I don't want to look like a nag after 3 weeks but due to our history I want some sort of idea if this is heading anywhere or not.

Advice please?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 26/05/2021 16:18

Move on, he's a fuckwit. Men like this think they are all mysterious and enigmatic when really they are just fuckwits plain and simple.

Do yourself a favour and block. I bet once you stop playing the pick me please dance and ignore him he'll come running and my advice then would be the same, run for the hills

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/05/2021 16:20

You're the prize. Let him worry about what he's gonna do to win you.

lonelySam · 26/05/2021 16:29

I didn't read past the 'we were supposed to meet' line as started laughing. I was sold the same line. Move on, he is a fuckwhit as the PP said. You'll just waste your time on him.

ravenmum · 26/05/2021 16:36

A deep thinker that those terrible women just keep on misunderstanding.
I'd say he wants you to do the chasing so that he can blame it on you later on if he changes his mind about you/his ex.

Fuzzyfairies · 26/05/2021 16:37

Thanks. I've sent him a message to say pick whether we are friends or taking this further. But if we are just friends all the other stuff has got to stop because it's a waste of both of our times.

He's read it and not replied yet. I'm not prepared to stay as we are as I know what I'm looking for.

I think you are correct that this is f boy behaviour unless his reply contains anything honest and guaranteed.

OP posts:
Hullish · 26/05/2021 17:13

So why are you still giving them the control and letting him pick what happens next?

Take back control and end it.

wobblywinelover · 26/05/2021 17:19

Sounds like he wants to keep stringing you along as either a side chick or a fallback option. There's a good book called 'Mr Unavailable and the fall back girl', could be worth a read in your circumstances. Sorry OP, he sounds hard work..

Mermaidwaves · 26/05/2021 18:06

So many men do this nowadays, I've experienced it and so have loads of others on here. None of them want relationships, but they want all the attention and ego boosting and spout a lot of bullshit to get it.

Don't ask him where you stand because he's just going to play hot and cold, push and pull. He's said he's had to put other women off which suggests you're not the only one he's doing this with, tell him goodbye and then don't engage further, he won't give you what you want.

HerMammy · 26/05/2021 18:09

Stop trying to read him and shove him back on the shelf.
You’re better than being kept dangling by this twat.

Lampan · 26/05/2021 18:12

As ever, the fact remains that if someone is truly keen they will make the time and effort to prove it. He is enjoying the attention but that’s all. If you have to work someone out, they are either not interested or deliberately messing you around.

BurtonHouse · 26/05/2021 18:13

Guy's a tosser, stringing you along just because he can and it makes him feel like The Man.
Get rid.

Gilda152 · 26/05/2021 18:21

@Fuzzyfairies

You don't love him and he doesn't love you. Unless you're 14 this is a waste of your time energy even thinking about this. Go out with the other guy who wanted to date you, unless that was a ruse to give him a poke, in which case, find someone else to date because this isn't a friendship or a relationship. It's a bit of a side plot from Covid drama lockdown and it's run it's course.

Move on.

excelledyourself · 26/05/2021 19:02

Why post and ask for advice and then message him anyway before taking any advice on board?

He's at it. And he's not even a friend. Stop stroking his ego and giving him control.

seensome · 26/05/2021 19:11

He's doing the same to the ex as with you, just a waste of time and a liar, you don't claim to love someone that you don't want to be in a relationship with, doesn't make sense. In future don't give a man a choice in ways of a relationship, stick to what you want and the right one will want the same.

Sunshinesky1981 · 26/05/2021 19:16

Deep thinker?!?! He's about as deep as a puddle in a fucking drought.

Seriously. Take back control on this one,.be with someone who really wants you and isn't afraid to show it. You deserve better.

OldWomanSaysThis · 26/05/2021 19:22

Why are you letting him decide what's best for you?
Don't serve yourself up on a platter.

PriestessofPing · 26/05/2021 19:27

I’m sorry but if he really wanted you you would never have had to send him that message this afternoon. He’d have spoken with you lone a mature adult when you asked before not done the stupid f-boy response. Don’t you deserve better than a man who may or may not like you and you have to chase just to find out?

bangheadhere40 · 26/05/2021 19:39

What did he say?

MadMadMadamMim · 26/05/2021 19:42

@Justcallmebebes

Move on, he's a fuckwit. Men like this think they are all mysterious and enigmatic when really they are just fuckwits plain and simple.

Do yourself a favour and block. I bet once you stop playing the pick me please dance and ignore him he'll come running and my advice then would be the same, run for the hills

Perfect response.

I skim read your OP because he sounded such an immature game player and I couldn't be doing with it.

GertietheGherkin · 26/05/2021 19:48

He's certainly got you going around in circles. He's stringing you along... He's obviously been seeing/ contacting others as why else would he be saying these other women were getting the wrong idea as he was only being nice. You even asked him if that was the case with you, and he told you straight that sometimes you do. How much clearer do you want it to be?
He's keeping you dangling on the back burner for if he's ever at a loose end, and you'll do.
Stop keep asking him where you stand, as to him you don't stand anywhere. He'll also be able to smell your desperation. Using other males to try and pique his interests won't work, especially as you go into explanations so he doesn't get the wrong idea.
He's not deep, and you trying to 'read' him is pointless, he's telling you stuff to keep you massaging his ego, and like a fool you're doing it.
I'd say cut him loose, but you've already messaged him, so pointless starting the thread really. You'll keep on chasing him, you know that, and so does he.

Tigertalk · 26/05/2021 20:16

When a guy likes you he will pursue you and not want anyone else to have you. You certainly don’t have this messing around and you definitely don’t have to ask what you just did. If you did get together , he’d hold all the cards in the relationship and you’d always be asking him ‘ do you like me, what’s happening with us’ who needs that anxiety. There are guys out there who will make you feel loved and wanted .Text him back - sorry actually I’ve decided I’d rather be friends ( or is just block actually)

Creamdo · 26/05/2021 21:15

Has he replied OP?

Suzi888 · 26/05/2021 22:07

Wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. He’s toying with you.

honeybuns007 · 26/05/2021 22:15

God I love these replies. Bang on. Every single one of them.

wdmtthgcock · 26/05/2021 22:29

He's a timewaster.
Bin him off.
Why are you waiting for him to make a decision as to whether this becomes a relationship or remains a friendship?
Absolutely ludicrous. He's playing you and you are letting him.
Get rid.
^9

Swipe left for the next trending thread