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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't read him.

32 replies

Fuzzyfairies · 26/05/2021 15:50

I'm so so confused with this bloke. We met last year when he came round with a friend of mine to help do some work for me. He was in and out my house for 5 weeks. Liked him. He liked me. We added eachother onto Facebook. Swapped numbers. Met up when we could. Chatted regularly. 3 months in we said we loved eachother and we were just enjoying each day as it came.

But something just felt a little hard work. I think it's because he was still speaking with his ex alot and seemed up and down towards her. We pulled away from eachother when we just seemed to be getting abit irritated by one another.

Three weeks ago we bumped into eachother. He's been calling me and messaging again. We are back on eachothers social medias. He's not one to open up that much about feelings. But he will say things. But I'll be honest I am really struggling to read him.

Last week we had a phone chat and it was a huge catch up about work and various things. He said he hadn't moved on or dated and was not looking for a relationship. We talked about us and he said he felt like we were supposed to have met and it did play on his mind when we were apart. He said he was not sure whether to get in touch incase I didn't want him too. I told him I still loved him and he said as I do you! I never stopped!

For the last two weeks we've not been able to arrange anything due to work etc. But we've chatted alot! But I feel like he's left it in neutral. Because he said he doesn't want a relationship. But then we had this seperate conversation about us where he expressed regret. Said hed like you to eventually see eachother more and stuff.

Today we've had a phone chat. He brought his ex up. Saying she had done some research on Corona figures by contacting the NHS because she was wanting some facts for herself. I asked him what the deal with them was. Were they wanting to rekindle or just mates. He was very much like no no no just friends we don't want each other that way.

This afternoon I told him about someone we both know who had wanted to date me whilst we were apart. I did not date him but there's some stuff on my Facebook that might look like he's keen and I just wanted to reassure him incase it looked dodgy. He suddenly said he had recently had to put a couple of women off. He said women are terrible for getting the wrong idea when he's just nice.

I asked him if I get the wrong idea and he said I think sometimes you could do?? So I said so was I wrong in thinking you had feelings for me. He said I told you I liked you so that's why you knew. Then he changed the subject.

I'm so confused. He really isn't after sex. He's not like that and sex isn't something he chases after. He's quite a deep thinker.

I want to send him a message within the near future to ask him what he would like from me. Friendship. Or attempt a relationship. But I d like to know what he is looking for so I can move forward or start discussing on what we want next.

How would you word it? I don't want to look like a nag after 3 weeks but due to our history I want some sort of idea if this is heading anywhere or not.

Advice please?

OP posts:
Crimeismymiddlename · 26/05/2021 22:29

Men who like to give the impression that they are ‘deep thinkers’ are the worst-far nastier than men who put it about-at least they are honest about what they want. Deep thinkers think they are ABOVE the messiness of sex and just like women hanging off them telling them how great they are. Please cool it off with him, I am sure you can meet someone much nicer, who tells you he loves you, and wants to go out with you as well.

Mylittlepony374 · 26/05/2021 22:35

Everybody above is correct. He's a fuckwit and you're letting him treat you badly. Block him.

Onthedunes · 26/05/2021 23:01

He sounds like a tradesman, many of them do this, it makes work time fun.

Keep you sweet, there maybe more work for him out of you.
He will be like this with loads of women.

Ditch him.

HotGlueGun · 26/05/2021 23:11

He's just not that into you.

Imjustsootired · 26/05/2021 23:12

Boys like this. Fuck no. He's loving it, bet it makes his little dick hard to see you fawning over his attentions ...

You know the score here. With a bloke, if you have to wonder if they are interested, chances are they aren't. When a man wants you, he'll make it pretty damn obvious

Cut him loose to do his "deep thinking" with some other poor soul. Twat.

browneyes77 · 27/05/2021 21:08

Why are you letting him decide?

You can make that decision for yourself.

He either wants to be with you or he doesn’t. And so far, his actions have shown that he doesn’t. He’s dangling a carrot and you’re chasing after it.

You’re doing nothing more than boosting his ego. And you’re worth far more than you’re getting from this douche.
He doesn’t love you and you don’t love him. This is not how people in love behave.

Take control. Stop wasting your time with this guy, bin him off and move on. Find someone who knows what they want.

JadedStrumpet · 28/05/2021 06:52

The man's an arse. Deep thinker? The only thing he's thinking about is how best he can string you along.

Why are you letting him decide how things go? Just message him again and tell him it's over. Your wasting your energy on this man. Life's too short!

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