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Original poster

Husband ( separated ) met someone else

32 replies

Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:27

My husband i have been separated from has met someone else. I also met someone about 6 months ago but kind of kept it all casual as i had it in the back of my mind that a reconciliation might happen ( we had mentioned it a little now and then but never got i to it). Im feeling extremely anxious and sick as he is now posting online pics etc. I know it doesn’t mean its a serious relationship but still its made me wonder about my future/ choices. We have a 10 year old daughter also. We both get allng very well no arguments or anything. We just felt we had grown apart. I feel like given effort and councillor input we might of been ok.

Anyone else had similar

OP posts:
Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:28

Ps we have been seperated for about 18 months

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 26/05/2021 14:32

To me, a separation is a stop gap to divorce.

Me and my ex separated 3.5 years ago and are only just getting divorced but I met my now partner within the first year and he is now with his second gf (first was the OW and reason for our separation).

I don't think you should be surprised that he has met someone after 18 months of being separated, especially as you have too. If either of you wanted to get back together so much then surely you would have said something? You saying you never got to it doesn't sound like either of you are that bothered?

katy1213 · 26/05/2021 14:32

You should have put that effort in 18 months ago. Not unreasonably, he has moved on.

misssunshine4040 · 26/05/2021 14:34

Sounds like the natural response to finding out he has moved on.
I always kind of sucker punches you even though you thought you would be ok with it.
I would let the news settle and sink in, maybe stay off social media and see how you feel in a few weeks

gamerchick · 26/05/2021 14:35

After this length of time it's unlikely things will work out OP. Time to start the divorce and get on with your life. Sorry man.

PermanentTemporary · 26/05/2021 14:35

It was always going to feel strange when he met someone else. If you want a relationship with him.again then tell him so but I'm afraid if I were him, I'd just say 'where were you a year ago?'

PiccalilliChilli · 26/05/2021 14:36

I think that ship has sailed. Time to look for a new future OP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2021 14:37

You met someone first so it’s very unfair to blame him meeting someone on no hope of reconciliation.

Where’s your child in this? Meeting these new people?

Bibidy · 26/05/2021 14:37

Aw OP I feel for you, but tbh 18 months is a long separation and I would imagine after that time that a relationship would be heading towards divorce rather than getting back together.

I think if either of you genuinely wanted to be back together you would have broached it before now, and that actually it's the fact that you're having to accept that the split is final now that is making you upset, rather than that you really want to be with your ex. It's whipping away your safety blanket, and that's hard, but you'll be ok.

ChatterMonkey · 26/05/2021 14:38

I understand it may sting a little, but realistically, what did you expect?

Nether you have made any effort to mend your relationship through an 18 month seperation, i think its healthy that he is moving on.

PlanetOfTheApesLives · 26/05/2021 14:40

@katy1213

You should have put that effort in 18 months ago. Not unreasonably, he has moved on.
This. Both should have made the effort before. Sounds like he has moved on but you are still looking back @Bebe2021
Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:45

No as i said kept it casual as unsure of what to do long term.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:46

Katy1213 unhelpful response.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2021 14:47

Long term? Get divorced. In a year and a half neither of you has made a proper effort to reconcile and you’re both detached enough to be dating.

What other option is there?

If this isn’t a you don’t want him but no one else can have him thing then what do you think is going on?

Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:50

my dad died just after we separated so once the dust had settled on all that etc we did talk a little about things but then life wold carry on etc he said he wasnt interested in anything long term with anyone so i didn’t feel any urgency

OP posts:
ACPC · 26/05/2021 14:51

Does he know you might want to try again op? If you are sure you do then speak up now but don't mess him about, you need to be absolutely sure. 18mth is a long time, you can't really blame him for moving on.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2021 14:54

It all sounds a bit passive tbh. Sorry for your loss op, but relationships don't heal themselves. They don't just magically get better. A separation that long only has one conclusion unless you've both actively committed to repairing it together.

And casual or not, you've hooked up with someone else which may have made him think it was dead in the water anyway.

Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:55

Acpc, i tried to talk to him a few months ago as i had met someone who is lovely and eventually that may go somewhere but he finds it awkward to talk about feelings etc so he kept putting it off. I think i will bring it up again just so we know all has been said and done.

OP posts:
ACPC · 26/05/2021 14:57

Maybe just be very blunt and if he says no, at least you tried and can move on. If he's dodged the issue already then the new gf could be getting serious sorry to say. Flowers

Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 14:59

@ACPC ah ive just realised i can @ reply lol. I will do. Hes only been seeing her exclusively for a month but yes i will certainly be having a long think. We both had a good few things to work on so the main thing is have they or have they not been worked on in that time. Thanks for your replies xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 15:01

@Bibidy possibly yea i dont want to speak up unless im 100%

OP posts:
Mahrezis · 26/05/2021 15:03

Better to move forwards than backwards.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2021 15:34

[quote Bebe2021]@ACPC ah ive just realised i can @ reply lol. I will do. Hes only been seeing her exclusively for a month but yes i will certainly be having a long think. We both had a good few things to work on so the main thing is have they or have they not been worked on in that time. Thanks for your replies xx[/quote]
But did you work on them together eith a view to getting back together? Sorry op, it sounds like a really odd, passive way to go about things. I'm not sure how you could expect another outcome other than divorce?

Original poster
Bebe2021 · 26/05/2021 16:06

Thanks for all the comments i was hoping to hear off anyone who had had a similar situation.. and outcomes from trying again? I have just spoken to my ex and explained my feelings and worries which already has helped. It may seem passive but we have both always been 100% committed to zero animosity for the rest of the family and our dd. As i say we have never fallen out

OP posts:
ACPC · 26/05/2021 20:00

That was brave, I hope you get the response from him that you're hoping for.

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