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Original poster

Do I tell him I’m pregnant?

38 replies

Worriedandscurd · 24/05/2021 22:35

So my ex and I have a child together.

I got pregnant again when our baby was 4 months. I ended up having a miscarriage then an infection. We split up. I wasn’t on any contraception because I wasn’t having sec. we recently had unprotected sex while drunk. I know how stupid that was. He asked me in the morning if I was on anything, I told him no. We had sex a few more times. I then started the pill. I’ve been really really tired and sick, I mentioned these symptoms to him but he never said anything. We’re not back together. I just took a test and I honestly don’t know what to do. Do I tell him? I’m so so so scared of his reaction. He’s going to hate me, I know we were being stupid.

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 24/05/2021 22:48

Of course you tell him! Hes going to be a dad again, you can't not! Also how can he be, and who cares if he's angry? He had unprotected sex knowingly.... congrats on the pregnancy now out on your big girl pants and tell him Flowers

ComtesseDeSpair · 24/05/2021 22:50

I’d wait until you’re sure what you want to do. If you think you’ll likely have a termination then telling him could make the situation more complicated. Obviously if you’re planning to continue then you’ll need to tell him, but it really makes no difference whether he knows now or in a few weeks’ time.

Cherrytree1621 · 24/05/2021 22:59

If you're continuing with the pregnancy of course you need to tell him, as for him being angry, he also had unprotected sex so I'm pretty sure he knows that it was a possibility.

Donotgogentle · 24/05/2021 23:01

If you want a termination I’m not sure I would tell him.

If not, then you’ll need to at some point.

Original poster
Worriedandscurd · 24/05/2021 23:15

I’m not sure that’s the thing. I’d feel such guilt in not telling him but at the same time it would over complicate things. If I have a termination that is. I just think to have this baby would just completely ruin our lives. As sad as it sounds

OP posts:
katieg03 · 24/05/2021 23:19

He asked if you were on contraceptive you said no then he continued to have unprotected sec with you and you didn't take a morning after pill presumably so it shouldn't come as a suprise to him. He's as responsible as you are and you shouldn't have to deal.with whatever option you choose yourself.

Ginger1982 · 24/05/2021 23:25

You both need to deal with it and you can't not tell him if you decide to keep the baby.

seensome · 24/05/2021 23:27

Do you want to get back with him or would you raise another baby on your own?

DoingItMyself · 24/05/2021 23:27

Do what's best for you, because surely to fuck he'll do what's best for him.

Happycat1212 · 24/05/2021 23:35

Of course you will have to tell him if you’re gonna keep it, do you think he is just not going to notice?!

goshthatsawful · 25/05/2021 01:06

Did you WANT to get pregnant? I’m struggling to understand why you were both so reckless. Why didn’t you get the morning after pill?

Atalantea · 25/05/2021 08:20

Everything aside about having sex without protection (just because you weren't on the pill, you could have used condoms)

Do you want another baby?
If you do, do you want his baby?
If you do, do you think you are able (mentally, emotionally, financially) to support yourself and 2 dc?

Once you get that clear in your head, you can then decide to tell him or not.

I would suggest if you dont want another child, you terminate and don't tell him. It would only cause more friction in your relationship, and possibly pain for him, and blame etc

AramintaLee · 25/05/2021 08:27

I think it depends on your decision. If you decide to proceed with the pregnancy then obviously you have to tell him. If you decide not to and you have enough support around you, then you don't have to tell him... it's your body and your choice. If you think he'll hate you and you're not going to keep it, then it might add additional stress to an already stressful situation. Just make sure you have good people around you and don't have unprotected sex with him again.

Orchidflower1 · 25/05/2021 08:28

You should tell him regardless of whether you keep the baby. He needs to understand the consequences of his ( and your) actions. This man has got you pregnant three times and clearly doesn’t care- why should the mental load just be yours?

BillyIsMyBunny · 25/05/2021 08:35

I think it depends on whether he is likely to be supportive to you in making your decision. If he is going to react with anger, blame or by trying to push you to make a specific decision I would be inclined not to tell him. You shouldn’t bear the load of the situation alone but you might be better supported telling a friend or family member you feel will listen and be supportive than your ex if he is likely to be angry or otherwise react badly.

Atalantea · 25/05/2021 08:42

@Orchidflower1

You should tell him regardless of whether you keep the baby. He needs to understand the consequences of his ( and your) actions. This man has got you pregnant three times and clearly doesn’t care- why should the mental load just be yours?
So tell him, and let him use it as a stick to beat her with? I completely disagree with this, unless the op wants to, she should not be guilted in to it though.
motogogo · 25/05/2021 08:46

If you decide to terminate then no need to tell him, if you aren't sure or going to keep it you need to.

andivfmakes3 · 25/05/2021 08:48

Yes you need to tell him

You are an adult and adult enough to decide to have unprotected sex with someone you weren't in a stable relationship with - to then deny the child it's father is incredibly selfish. Actions have consequences

Original poster
Worriedandscurd · 25/05/2021 08:53

Of course I would tell him if I chose to have the baby. Not telling him that wouldn’t really work out.

It’s just the not knowing what I’m doing. I already feel incredibly stupid. I know if I tell him and I’m getting a termination he will just throw it back in my face and not be supportive. I keep waiting for him to care but he just doesn’t

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 25/05/2021 08:58

If you decide to have a termination it's entirely up to you if you tell him or not. If he's going to use it against you and not be supportive then if it was me I wouldn't bother. You don't need to be dealing with his crap

Naunet · 25/05/2021 09:15

You need to let go of this toxic, waste of space man. He’s no good for you.

First step is to take some time to decide what you want to do. Then, IF you want to keep it, you’ll need to tell him. If he gets angry, point out that he knows how a baby is made, he knew he was having unprotected sex with you, and to grow the fuck up. Do not accept his anger, it’s beyond pathetic for a grown man to act that way.

Sakurami · 25/05/2021 09:29

  1. as he had unprotected sex numerous times with you, he doesn't have any right to be angry. Not that he should be angry anyway.

  2. do what is right for you. If you don't want to tell him, then don't. And don't feel guilty about it.

MrsMaizel · 25/05/2021 09:29

@Worriedandscurd

Of course I would tell him if I chose to have the baby. Not telling him that wouldn’t really work out.

It’s just the not knowing what I’m doing. I already feel incredibly stupid. I know if I tell him and I’m getting a termination he will just throw it back in my face and not be supportive. I keep waiting for him to care but he just doesn’t

It sounds like you are playing roulette here with a child's life . One minute you say another baby would ruin your lives but then you are saying you are waiting for him to care ? Using a pregnancy to achieve this? You need to be adult about this as you haven't been so far .
zippityzip · 25/05/2021 09:32

Oh fabulous idea. Got pregnant to get him to notice you.

Now you realise he won't - you can roll the dice to decide whether you have a baby or not.

Regardless of what you decide I hope you grow up.

Original poster
Worriedandscurd · 25/05/2021 09:36

No I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I’m not saying how he feels will influence my decision. I’m just saying I’m waiting for him to care about me as a person. Which he won’t. So nothing good will come from telling him about my termination. It’s not like he will support me through it

OP posts: