No drama relationship v continuous highs and lows

[saxofcole]

Can I ask if any of you are in a relationship where there is no drama ... you just click and gel, you're crazy about each other, differences sorted through mature talking and planning ahead together ?
And if you are , and have come from
At best .. highs and lows and
At worst ... toxic and mildly abusive relationship)s... did you relax into it or did it take time to accept the easiness and calm. Did any tiny part of you miss the highs of making up or any related emotions ? Did it ever feel lacking ?? The new calm relationship I mean ?

I think if you're wanting highs and lows and drama that can be related to your childhood and what you experienced growing up. I can't remember any of the terms to look up but hopefully someone else will.

It took time for me for sure. I found myself seeking drama and wanting to cause friction. It took me a while to appreciate the food, stable. Loving man that I now have, a man who just wants to be as helpful as he can, who loves me and doesn’t like arguments and upset.
Of course I miss the dopamine hit at times but I wouldn’t trade the stability I have now for the world.

Good and stable, not food!

I don't want highs and lows . My previous significant relationship was just low but my
Now boyfriend of a year spent years in relationships/ marriage of drama and toxicity . They were simply incompatible.
I love the easiness of it all but wonder at times if he is so used to those types
of relationship , does it get boring when one is used to it .
He says he loves the calm and smoothness of it all .He describes it as a breath of fresh air .But we are still very
Much in honeymoon stage as we only see each other at weekends.

My DH and I have never had an argument and we’ve been together nearly 30 years. Yes there’s the odd niggle and annoyed snippy comment but never raised voices, slammed doors, days of silence etc. I think we both hire our tongues at times for the greater good and we are genuinely each others’ best friend and have similar outlooks and plans for the future

I think just take your time and see how it goes.

*bite our tongues

Dh and I bicker badly and it's getting worse as we age (he's a right grumpy old sod sometimes). But we don't argue and the bickering is about either theoretical stuff (we are different politically) or house work type things. We never let it stew and silences last about 20 mins tops. Never any relationship drama or highs and lows despite some tough times and big changes.

We are both exactly the same as both sets of parents. This is the normal we both had and what we expect. We are both not extreme people in any way though.

My dh and I don’t argue, we pretty much are always on the same page. I don’t think highs and lows are healthy. If it’s not easy then it’s not right

It is so easy . That's what's scary .

I came from a marriage which was toxic and abusive, I'm 3 yrs out.
I'm in a relationship now which started as FB, went to FWB and now we're officially together.
At the start it felt odd and almost boring but then I realised that highs and lows and adrenaline rushes are not healthy and this is how relationships should be.

My boyfriend had a drama filled previous relationship and he knows that it isn't what he wants again and that me having no drama is great as he would never stand for it again.

Yes it took me a while to ease into it. Yes I do sometimes miss the highs but I certainly do not miss the lows or the cycle of abuse. I think that also sometimes made it feel lacking until I had got used to the calm and began to feel relaxed enough to properly enjoy it.

Relationship with dh is completely drama free. All my previous relationships were a lot of drama - emotionally abusive, cheating with multiple other women, several with substance abuse issues.

Honestly, I just got really lucky. I was probably quite damaged after all those previous relationships. But met dh and he is lovely and he genuinely cared about me and was certain that we were meant to be together. I was less certain at the time because he was just so nice and wasn't my type. It turns out that real grown up adult me doesn't like mind games after all. It was a bit of an adjustment to a relationship that was just really healthy and normal. There were a few times when I felt a bit bored in the early years. But now incredibly grateful that dh is so even keeled and together and I wasn't enough of an idiot to mess it up.

12+ years together with 2 dc and very happy. I can't believe now that I ever put up with the drama I did before in past relationships.

My relationship is calm and easy but it would be boring if we didn’t have an argument every now and again. It’s good to shout !:-)

Two years out of a 20 year marriage that went downhill over the final ten. Divorce about to be initiated. And I am a few months into a new relationship which is easy and strong and drama free. A work husband from five years ago who I loved as a friend, and who decided we should be together. Put his cards on the table and convinced me to set him free from the friend zone. So grateful that he persevered over many many months. And I could not be happier. It is honest and real and loving. We both have kids and so we see each other when we can. And are respectful of each others' uncoupling (both two years separated), and respectful towards the children who are all teenagers. They know but we have not involved them. We really do just fit. And I think we both know that.
Go with easy. Genuinely.
Thank your God or gods or the universe for it. I know I do.

After a marriage filled with drama and lots of lows, I'm now in a relationship that is calm with no drama. The small amount of disagreements we've had have been discussed calmly.

I just couldn't bear any more drama, I'd rather be single. DP has had a bit of drama with past relationships but not on my scale. I think we've both got to a time in our lives where we want a peaceful time and we're pretty compatible so it's easy enough to do that.

I’ve had my fair share of drama in past relationships and some toxic ex partners. My DP has also had some unpleasant relationships previously. We used to fall out a bit while we had a long distance relationship and found communication to be difficult via messages/ phone calls etc. But since living together we barely ever argue, of course there are some fall outs but nothing serious or dramatic. We bicker about silly things but never allow it to become anything more than that and I’ve found myself just saying ‘oh ok’ to things that previously I’d have argued with - I just love him too much to fight! I accept we have different points of view but nothing is more important than our relationship. I’ve never felt so loved and supported before, I wouldn’t change a thing and have never missed the drama. I think this is when you know it’s the right relationship!

I used to have one, but after ten years my ex did get bored with it, yes. We were still best friends, had great sex, date nights, didn’t argue, etc, etc - but she told me the thought of not feeling a big whirlwind of teenage-like romance again for the rest of her life would drive her insane.

Horses for courses, I guess. But it does put me off dating again. I know that despite my best efforts I will always become dull after a few years and hate the thought of going through the same thing again.

@kittycrackles

Good and stable, not food!

Tbf I'd settle for food and stable.

Horses for courses though eh?

@saxofcole really though, if you're both happy and there's no drama that sounds great.

Don't look for drama by worrying that there isn't any.

Enjoy. I wish you both well.

@Sunflower1970

My relationship is calm and easy but it would be boring if we didn’t have an argument every now and again. It’s good to shout !:-)

“It’s good to shout”? Not in my world. I would not be in a relationship or friendship with anyone who thought it was acceptable to shout at me.

I agree with @sammylady37 100%.
Shouting is no fun.

My relationship with my ex husband was full of arguments. Then I had a two year relationship with a total narcissist- that was terrible.

My current boyfriend of about 10 months and I have only argued twice (we hated it), don’t even bicker, and generally it’s very peaceful.

And yes, to start with I struggled with that massively - I think I was a bit addicted to the whole narcissist rollercoaster thing.

Now I just love it. It’s great not crying all day in work, or being terrified about what I might be coming home to, or being scared to check my texts.....

But any adjustment takes a while.....

I was with someone for over 3 years, who I suspect is a narcissist. It was constant drama, ups and downs.
Next dp I just couldn't relax with. Stayed single for a while, then got together with someone I'd known a while (B).
At first, it was difficult with B. I doubted whether it was right because I didn't feel as excited. Then I saw him and my ex on the same day (long story but it was an emergency) - my ex turned up late, crap communication, spoke to me like crap, wound my kids up. The moment B arrived, I just felt this happy calmness.
I realised that the 'excitement' with the ex was actually stress and relief. I'm really happy with B. It's going really well and my kids think he's great

I'm now with a calm and steady man after a 15 year relationship with a narcissist.

It's taken me a long time to get used to it and I would have sworn blind that I hated all the drama that went with my ex but looking back I think I did get a bit addicted to the highs and the dopamine hit of making up, I actually can't believe I'm only just realising this now.

I grew up in a stable and calm family home so no idea why I veered so much off course but now I'm with current dp it's like I've found someone who I was always meant to be with and it's just lovely.