Am I overreacting? Need some outside opinions/advice.

[RemainingAnonymousForNow]

I'm 26, he's 27 and we've been seeing each other for a year. Some things to note:

• We are exclusive but he doesn't want the commitment of a relationship.
• I stay at his place once/twice a week.

Now, the other weekend it was my birthday. I got him some lovely gifts and a card and we spent a nice evening together in lockdown for his birthday.

My birthday rolls around and he tells me he's overspent this month and therefore won't be getting me anything (not even a card) despite the fact that over the few weeks leading up to it, he'd been out multiple times with other people - not me. He went out with 2 guys from work and a female from work too without asking me once. I even said the weeks before, I just want to have a special night with him as it's my first birthday without my mum (she passed away) - I didn't expect anything big. Just to feel special.

The night of my birthday comes and I got a 15 minute call at 11:30pm after he'd been at work and gaming before he went to bed and that was it. No card or anything else even though he's now been paid.

He didn't really apologise, just acknowledged that I was upset.

I know that typing this that I may come across as expecting too much since we aren't official but I'm not sure.

The worst thing was celebrating my birthday without my mum, and the person who's meant to be there for me and make me feel wanted and special couldn't have made that less obvious if he tried.

tl;dr: Guy I'm seeing got me no card or present (and didn't even give me any of his time) on my birthday axnd blamed money issues despite going out to the pub three times with three different people.

He's not a keeper is he ?

Thanks everyone so much for all of your advice. I would usually go to my mum with this kind of thing but with losing her and corona happening, I've felt quite isolated with it all.

I've felt the only way to be happy was when I'm with him, especially as I've been grieving, when I realise now that him being in my life is causing me to feel worthless and like I'm asking for too much. It's also causing me even more sadness.

I hope one day I can find someone who treats me how I deserve to be treated. x

I'm so sorry about your mum. What would she say to you about this arsehole guy?

She actually knew of him before her passing and was really happy that I was happy. In her final weeks she would encourage me to go out and see him instead of staying home being sad about her.

It was actually his birthday just over a week before she passed and that's when we had the nice evening to celebrate because she wanted me to go.

That's why this hurts just a bit more - to know someone who my mum thought would be the one to help me get through it all has actually treated me like a piece of rubbish.

*I'm 26, he's 27 and we've been seeing each other for a year. Some things to note:

• We are exclusive but he doesn't want the commitment of a relationship.
• I stay at his place once/twice a week.*

HE doesn’t want the commitment? So he just wants you to come to his house once or twice a week for sex?

Don’t need to read any further to tell you to LTB

But I did..

He then ignored your birthday

Convinced you that you expecting it to be acknowledged was unreasonable

And left you alone on a difficult day

And you’re asking what now? If this is a nice man you should give your time and effort to?

You’ve obviously had a difficult time OP and you’re a little vulnerable at the moment which is understandable
But please don’t let this man child take advantage of that

You sound lovely and you deserve more.

But, don't feel sad about the last year - a wise therapist told me that it was brilliant that I'd used that time to try dating someone, realised it wasn't right, and had the courage to move on.

Celebrate that you know your worth and all the brilliant things that are still to come

@RemainingAnonymousForNow

She actually knew of him before her passing and was really happy that I was happy. In her final weeks she would encourage me to go out and see him instead of staying home being sad about her.

It was actually his birthday just over a week before she passed and that's when we had the nice evening to celebrate because she wanted me to go.

That's why this hurts just a bit more - to know someone who my mum thought would be the one to help me get through it all has actually treated me like a piece of rubbish.

Yes thats hard. But she only knew what she knew. As we get to know people they show us who they really are.

What would she say now, if she knew how his personality is unfolding?

OP, he served a purpose.
It gave your mum comfort you had someone when she past.

His usefulness has past.

You deserve better.
Time to move on.

I agree

Belated birthday wishes, OP. Why not plan a do-over, and celebrate with friends/family who really care about you, as a way of brushing off this hurtful experience?
Congrats on your promotion, too. Your mum would be very proud.
And don't be hard on yourself, people who are grieving are very vulnerable. It's great that you now realise you deserve much much better from a relationship. Take care of yourself.

He's not even got the basic manners of an acquaintance, to be honest. The way he's behaved, knowing it's your first birthday without your Mum, shows a callous self centred attitude that would mean I never even wanted to engage in polite small talk again. I'm so sorry for your loss .

Good luck with your promotion. Focus on career and yourself and dump this person. Don't waste any more time on him. You are far out of his league.

Loser. Get rid of him pronto.

So sorry for your loss op. He sounds like a prize prick and your mum wouldn't you to be eith him if he's going to treat you so shabbily.

Sounds like a prick, even someone that's on the bones of their arse could do a quick Google and find something even if they made it from stuff they already had, let alone bought it and not even taking into account the lack of contact on the day.

I'd be fuming with myself if that's all I could muster.

What a prick. As pp said, he doesn't even treat you like a friend.

If you didn't want commitment either then fine. But as is it just sounds like you are accepting his dregs because you want a relationship and think he might change his mind someday.

Value yourself more.
Ditch the dickhead.