My mum is jealous of me being a grandmother ???

[Armychefbethebest]

Hi I'm not sure what is going on and why I will try and be thorough but to the point . My eldest dd gave birth to my beautiful granddaughter a year ago, It was a shock at first but I absolutely dote on my granddaughter. I try and have her overnight when I'm on annual leave as I enjoy having her and I work in education so I get my fair share of holidays. I have 4 children and my mum saw them but never really went out of her way to have them over night take them for the day ect not that I expected her too I add .
So in this year theres been a few occasions where my mum has acted well a bit strange , as soon as someone mentions nana meaning me she jumps straight in with 'well I'm a great grandma and I dont look it ' a single throwaway comment wouldnt bother me but its everytime. She bought a travel cot and said she planned on having little one over night , at this point she hasn't asked my daughter or really made any effort to see dgc. My daughter asked me to have dgc over night and there was an uproar , crying down the phone , shes going to focus on herself from now on shes moving away , I can have the cot she wont ever get to use it . It was really intense and my daughter was a bit weirded out by her nana behaviour and tried to arrange times where my mum could spend time with dgc but each time she cancelled or was poorly.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago my mum calls and asks if she has done something to my daughter as she hasn't rang or text. I said no shes just likely busy as well as my dgc she has 3 step kids 50 /50 and runs a little business baking at home so it's not unusual to not hear from her any more than once a week maybe once a fortnight . Today my daughter popped round with my granddaughter she had just taken her to look at a nursery and she wanted to bring her round to tell us about it , whilst she was here I took a few pics as dgc looked really cute in her outfit and I put a pic on fb saying look who I got a surprise visit from.
Within 5 minutes a message from my mum ' while she is there find out what i have done ' then she just went nuclear at me rant after rant which I didnt rise to she concluded with messaging my daughter with ' I'm going to delete your number whatever I have done so you wont ring or text me so you dont have to bother I wont be in yours or dgc name life and I wont send her anything time to focus on me' to me it seems absolutely batshit my daughter is confused , my partner is going 80 miles away for a big operation monday so I'm stressed as it is , what are your thoughts on my mums behaviour she does have form for this but it's usually me if I've not picked up the phone in a week but it's because I've been busy . Any advice what i really want to do is call and tell her I'm not happy with her taking her mood out on my daughter and my dgc shes a baby fgs x

@alexdgr8

your mother is responsible for how she behaves, not you, so don't react to it. just carry on as you now are, keep her at a distance, don't get involved at all, unless it is something absolutely unavoidable, and then only bare minimum. all the best to you and family.

Really agree with above.

Half the reason so many women get totally overwhelmed is because we can't compartmentalise.

OP, kindly, you have enough going on.

Focus on your partner, yourself, your family, daughter........please, please leave your mother to her drama.

Wishing you well.

@merrygoround88

She sounds like she is acting out because she is depressed and lonely. It’s still acting like a toddler and very rude but I would meet it with kindness and things might improve

If they don’t then I would move to distance a bit

I agree with this.

So another update this one is not so good ...... my daughter went for a walk with a couple of friend yesterday with my dgd in her pram afterwards they sat out in a beer garden for a quick drink as it was quite warm all of a sudden my mum can from nowhere and started screaming at my daughter saying some really horrible things she was that angry she was frothing at the mouth, my dd said she was scary and so angry then she singled out a member of the group who was defending my daughter and spat in his face my daughter said she coughed it up and everything, I am furious I'm afraid I did react and rang her but she wouldnt answer so I left a voicemail telling her she is not longer welcome in any of our lives . My daughter feels the same x that escalated quickly eh

@Armychefbethebest

So another update this one is not so good ...... my daughter went for a walk with a couple of friend yesterday with my dgd in her pram afterwards they sat out in a beer garden for a quick drink as it was quite warm all of a sudden my mum can from nowhere and started screaming at my daughter saying some really horrible things she was that angry she was frothing at the mouth, my dd said she was scary and so angry then she singled out a member of the group who was defending my daughter and spat in his face my daughter said she coughed it up and everything, I am furious I'm afraid I did react and rang her but she wouldnt answer so I left a voicemail telling her she is not longer welcome in any of our lives . My daughter feels the same x that escalated quickly eh

Your dm should know better, I'm absolutely gobsmacked about her behaviour, all so childish

I hope your daughter/her friend called the police. She deserves criminal action for spitting at someone especially in the middle of a pandemic.

Hi as far as I know they didnt but I did say they should do , I cant cant believe it either she has been verbally and physically aggressive to min the past but this is next level my daughter is adamant she is out of hers and my dgd life and I agree with her theres nowhere to go with the situation now .The worst thing is she wont think shes at fault it will be everyone else you cannot reason with anyone who feels like this for everyones best interests it time to walk away.