Love? Lust? Help!

[Fatheroftwo21]

Hi Everyone

I have just joined on here because i need to talk and i cant talk to anyone about what im going through.
My background, im a loving dad of two. Still with the mum which has been since 2007.
Had a bad start as i was a bit on the side and kept a secret for 6 of those first years.
Since having kids we have remained a good team but romantically drifted apart. There isnt desire to be romantic. I feel guilty but shes also the same but also a strong backbone to the family and a great mum. And good in other ways to me. The odd normal arguement now and again. But no romantic feelings.
I think if i didnt have children id of seperated but i dont want to break the family apart and i couldnt bare to not see them every day.

There is a mum at their school who i talk to a fair bit.
I thought she was good looking when i first met her. We can talk for england. Its easy with her. I find myself always thinking about her.
Shes a single mum, we went through a period of not talking much as she was dating a guy and i felt i had to step back as it sucked. Then when we saw eachother again the first thing she said was that her and the guy are not seeing eachother anymore. And we started talking again.
I opened up about how i feel but she said she cant go there with someone in a relationship. Which it cant go there i cant cheat its not a nice thing to do.
But im an awe of this girl! I dont know if im in love or what it is. Am i just being a crazy person? I mean id devote myself to this girl if i could. But im not 100 percent sure how she feels. I catch her looking at me sometimes. We talk, have had a little flirt now and again nothing major. She goes out her way to message me, respond to stories.
I know the simple thing is to just end it with my current partner but im so scared of the other side. I love my kids so much! And i dont want to hurt anyone.
I wish i was in a position to tell this girl how beautiful she is and how i want to spend time with her but i cant while im in the position im in.

In all the years there has never been eyes for anyone else. I am not a bad person but i feel the way i feel. I just feel stuck.
Things seem more complicated when there is kids involved.

Have an open conversation with your wife about how you both see your relationship and whether it is fixable before pulling your family apart. Try counselling. If it's not then set up your own home that you run yourself and that is the kids stable home too. Then start to investigate other relationships, but keep them out of your kids life until those are more stable as well.

You've already sounded out this other woman before addressing anything with your wife though. That's not a great start. That's why your getting accused of not leaving until you've got someone else lined up.

Every next relationship will fade if you don’t grow up and recognise that initial obsession driven by lust grows into something less immediate and all consuming, but into true intimacy, trust, love, companionship and shared experiences. And that takes work. It takes learning how to disagree as adults. It’s about putting kissing into a context that just isn’t an expectation of sex, it’s about doing little things for each other.

We’ve been married 20 years, and no, I don’t go and meet him somewhere dressed Justin a coat and stockings, and our shapes and health have definitely changed for the worse but we adore each other!

I dont agree with people saying you're a bastard etc. What I do think though is that you a walking a very fine line..you're already messaging and flirting with this woman. You need to end the relationship and arrange to see your children regularly and go about things in a mature and respectful way. When things have settled you can then see if there is a chance for you and the other woman.

I had an affair and when I was caught it quite literally turned my world upside down. I've now recovered and moved forwards but I bitterly regret cheating, I am still very happy with the other man though years later.