My wife divorced me because I left glasses by the sink

[SpaceOp]

I just reread that blog post. It really resonates. I love dh so much and I know he loves me. And he's actually a wonderful husband and father who does loads. But....

I am just so tired of doing all the bloody thinking. I just want him to stop and think or plan or consider. Today, it was yet another minor situation where he didn't think. So small. So petty. But it really is death by a thousand paper cuts.

The list of things that wouldn't happen if I didn't think, plan, research and execute is endless. And as the main breadwinner and the one who works full time, I resent it even more. From birthdays to play dates to extra curricular activities to health care needs. Its all on me. He says he will do the cleaning but either it isn't done or its half hearted. And so I get to spend my time in a dirty house or clean it myself because if I suggest a cleaner he freaks out and says he will do it and I should stop being so controlling. He literally cannot understand that seeing the dirt is painful for me. Instead I should be grateful if he remembers to do the bathroom and the washing (even though there are constant piles and i have to deal with his stress when he realises hes done 4 loads but hasn't bothered to make sure he has done ds' football kit since the previous saturday).

He loves me, I know this. But he really can't see my.perspective.

I dont really know what I expect from this post. Just to get it out I suppose. I did contact a counselor. But haven't been able to bring myself to take it forward at an individual or couple level. Not sure why.

OP you don't need a counsellor. These counsellors must be having nervous breakdowns with the workload of the amount of new clients they must get from 'mumsnet referrals' alone. Your husband needs to step up the game and understand how you feel about doing so much of the mental load. His consequence needs to be that you may not be able to stick around because it's making you miserable. That's it. No counselling needed. Talk to him. It'll either work or it won't. I'm sorry it's so difficult.

One of the reasons I stay single is because i'm sick of doing all and sundry for some unthinking fella who thinks women like doing everything. In my job I see so many elderly guys on their own (wife died - probably because they were overworked and put on every day of their lives) and they are lost. I'm not sure what the answer is. I think women are trained to be caring organisers, they want to make sure everyone including themselves are living their best lives. Men just want to be living Their best lives. This is the difference between men and women. One of the many reasons i'm happier on my own.

At some point, I had no other choice than handover some of the resposnibility to DH.
DH would have been the same than yours. You tell him he is responsible for organising something and it didn’t happen.

So I still took on all the organising the swimming lessons, tutors etc... still do now (dcs are teens).
I gave DH the responsibility for the rest. The cooking, cleaning, ironing etc... if that didn’t get done, he could feel the consequences immediately. And the cost of it not happening wasnt imo as high.

Maybe that could work too.