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Relationships

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Original poster

Ok, am I being a drama llama or would you be miffed ?

55 replies

GertieCB · 19/05/2021 21:56

Right, so I work live in for 1 week on 1 week off live in ( adult care centre). Recently covered annual leave for a colleague so out of 28 days I'm away for 21
DH is always telling me how much he misses me , first night home of 6 ( travel eats into my time off) & he goes out to watch the footy, then stays out for another hour " for a nice bit of a chat with my mate". So I am sat home on my own. Oh, but I got to cook & walk the dog ( yay me ).
DH goes out when I'm away , I ve no issue at all with this but I actually feel really sad that he has done this.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 19/05/2021 21:58

Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.

Rocksteadycreww · 19/05/2021 21:58

I understand why you might be disappointed

Have you spoken to him about it?

Mumdiva99 · 19/05/2021 22:06

I get why you feel sad. But does he go every week to watch footy? If so, and it's a regular event.with his mate then he shouldn't let him down. Remember he needs his mates if you are away 3 weeks out of 4. They are his support system when you aren't around.

Quick if you rush up to bed you'll get that blissful stretch out on your own, in your own bed. Enjoy it before he gets back hogging the covers and farting!!

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 19/05/2021 22:06

I would be disappointed that my DH didn't want to see me if I'd been away for 3 weeks.

He'd be racing me to the bedroom tbh

SwimBaby · 19/05/2021 22:11

I think he needs to carry on his routine if you are there or not. I’d hate it if I had to drop my friends or activities to fit in with my DH.

HollowTalk · 19/05/2021 22:13

Oh come on, his routine hasn't been to go out to watch the footy for at least a year!

MichelleScarn · 19/05/2021 22:14

@SwimBaby

I think he needs to carry on his routine if you are there or not. I’d hate it if I had to drop my friends or activities to fit in with my DH.

I agree with this, its not fair if he has to plan his life around when you are there and your work. Is it just this occasion thats upset you, or do you not want him seeing friends when you are home?

PremierSmeage · 19/05/2021 22:16

Which footy is this? Is it the end of the PL where they're now letting fans back in?

If so I'd let it go on this occasion tbh.

Original poster

GertieCB · 19/05/2021 22:19

Watch in the pub.

OP posts:

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 19/05/2021 22:20

Tbf first week pubs are open inside and not many PL matches left so he's OK this time.

amiikaii · 19/05/2021 22:27

I'd be miffed too. He's not a child. He won't crumble if he doesn't have his routine. If it's a routine thing. Either way it doesn't matter if a bunch of other ladies would be bothered or not. What matters is it's upset you. Don't have a massive brawl but I'd definitely just be honest with him and let him know how you're feeling. You've obviously missed him and I'm sure he's missed you and hasn't meant it to upset you. Just a bloke being a bloke 😅 better to mention it to him, so next time he knows and like I say he probably doesn't even realise.

IronNeonClasp · 19/05/2021 22:42

Couldn't you have joined him for a pint?

Original poster

GertieCB · 19/05/2021 23:03

We have had a massive argument, I'm knackered.

I actually feel like I'm just here to bring in the cash & take over the shitwork.
Oh well.

OP posts:

TolpuddleFarter · 19/05/2021 23:08

No, you're not being a drama llama. If I had not seen a partner for 21 days I would expect them to give me their full attention on the first day back at least

Hont1986 · 19/05/2021 23:23

If this was a man talking about his wife going out to see her friend, you'd be getting very different answers.

"Oh, but I got to cook & walk the dog ( yay me )."
You mean like he's been doing for 21 of the last 28 days?

HollowTalk · 19/05/2021 23:52

@GertieCB

We have had a massive argument, I'm knackered. I actually feel like I'm just here to bring in the cash & take over the shitwork. Oh well.

If that's how you feel, then that's a really awful situation and in your position I would end it.

Mustbethemansfault · 20/05/2021 00:06

@hollowtalk and put him out of his misery, I agree.

Vague and lacking detail, well, watch this story flip on it's head when the replies don't match what is expected.

Yes, you're being dramatic, youre away for almost a month (working or not, MN has established that work comes secondary to anything else) and then you want everything to be dropped because you're now home? Doesn't work like that and the unrealistic expectation of this is clearly resonating with him too, the fact you've come here to try and justify it means you must have an inkling he's in the right for it, boot on the other foot then it'd be "why should you give up your routine for a man just because he's been at work"

CrikeyPeg · 20/05/2021 02:05

@SwimBaby

I think he needs to carry on his routine if you are there or not. I’d hate it if I had to drop my friends or activities to fit in with my DH.

Yep to this.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/05/2021 02:28

I think that if you enjoy the freedom of being away a week at a time then you have you have to accept that people carry on regardless in your absence.

If you don't enjoy being away to the point where you are begrudging a partner their hobbies, then you should probably change either job or partner.

Washingtofold · 20/05/2021 03:49

@Hont1986

If this was a man talking about his wife going out to see her friend, you'd be getting very different answers.

"Oh, but I got to cook & walk the dog ( yay me )."
You mean like he's been doing for 21 of the last 28 days?

Rubbish ! Many men downright expect their wives to be at hone for the after just an ordinary day at work let alone when they have been away for extended periods of time It gets so boring hearing the ‘ what about the poor menz ‘ comments here by some ( gotta wonder what century they are living in ) .... sure double standard exist when it comes to gender and who gives emotional support to who AND they are almost invariably favour men !!! No OP he is showing very little interest in reconnecting with you after being apart . He’s not ten yrs old going for a game of marbles . What’s his emotional investment here ? I’d be pissed off and assuming he simply doesn’t miss me a whole lot of his first thought upon my return is seeing he’s mates who he can see on any of the nights I’m away

Washingtofold · 20/05/2021 03:51

@Mustbethemansfault and no she didn’t expect him to ‘ drop everything ‘ she expected him to be happy to see her and want to spend time with her rather than at the local with his mates
If anyone’s attempting to twist things here it’s you.

Washingtofold · 20/05/2021 03:53

@Mustbethemansfault I’ll add that this is certainly not the first time I’ve see yoh attempt to twist things on mumsnet and make the old men are so hard done by argument .
I often am left wondering why you frequent mn when you seem to really have an issue with women

Washingtofold · 20/05/2021 03:53

And that applies regardless of whether you are a woman or a man

CrikeyPeg · 20/05/2021 04:03

@GertieCB

We have had a massive argument, I'm knackered. I actually feel like I'm just here to bring in the cash & take over the shitwork. Oh well.

Couple of questions @GertieCB "Bring in the cash" = does your husband not work? Who does the "shitwork" while you're at work?

BinocularVision · 20/05/2021 04:11

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I think that if you enjoy the freedom of being away a week at a time then you have you have to accept that people carry on regardless in your absence.

If you don't enjoy being away to the point where you are begrudging a partner their hobbies, then you should probably change either job or partner.

I think this is fair.

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