[quote Spaggboll]@OuiOuiBonjour - it so disheartening isn't it.
What I don't like about online dating is the emotional rollercoaster rides. The anticipation of a date and then feeling flat when there is no spark or they look nothing like their photos. Then, in my case, finding someone I like, having a few dates and it ending out of the blue because they probably have other options. I know OLD can work for some people though.[/quote]
It's the hope that kills isn't it?
I haven't tried OLD but I've had similar experiences with men I've met IRL. Moreso offline it's when you meet and you think there could be a spark and start believing that this could have legs and then you find something out about them or their behaviour disappoints you.
So in the past, an example would be meeting a really clean cut, gentlemanly guy at a couple of events through a family friend. He told her he really liked me and was gutted I was married already. My friend laughed and said "she's not!" gave him my number and we spent a couple of weeks chatting before arranging a date. We had really got on, over the phone. I'd already met him a few times at things like christenings and birthdays and found him physically attractive and "my type".
We meet for the date and he shows up unwashed and smelling, hair not brushed or anything, dressed totally differently (tracky bottoms, stained tshirt, genuinely stinking hoody that clearly hadn't been washed in months), immediately starts being loud and sweary in this nice location with decent customers, boasts about recreational drug use and petty crime after 5 mins, tells me openly that he "fucking hates the good boy act he has to put on around his family", tells me he can't stand his cousin the childhood friend who we met through or the rest of her side of the family (who I love) and shows serious red flags. Oh and tries to put his hand up my dress into my knickers several times and then forces an open mouthed kiss on me after I'd turned my face and body away from him when he moved in. Like he physically grabbed my head and twisted me back to him. I felt so horrible after that date.
In the winter of 2019, after about 2 years
of thinking "sod it, I can't even be bothered looking!" I spotted a guy at an Open Mic Night we were both in and had a really good feeing about him. I really wanted to go and introduce myself to him and say Hi which is SO unlike me but I was feeing brave that night. Anyway, he ended up leaving as soon as his band had played their last song. Turned out we knew lots of people in common. I know us musicicans can get a bad rep but I'd seen him interacting with people and he was just very humble and patient. Something went wrong, other people kicked off, he handled it really well. Was kind to the person who had made the error, no arrogance or entitlement like his band mates,
calmly diffused the situation. It really impressed me. Anyway, I didn't mention him to anyone but later several people mentioned him to me and one openly said that she would love for us to get together as we were well suited and she mentioned he was lovely, single, wanted to settle down, we shared a religion, interests etc. I'd hoped we'd get a chance to properly meet again as we were due to play the same gig in the Spring of 2020 but it obviously got cancelled. I forgot all about him.
During lockdown, a different mutual friend sent me a message from him, he (the guy) was passing on his number if I wanted to get in touch. We spoke on the phone, it was great. He was sweet and made me laugh. He sent me huge long texts and emails. We worked on a project together from afar. A couple of times I mentioned a walk but he never seemed to take me up on it, even though he sent really long and complimentary communication and was in touch a couple of times a week and sometimes daily. He just seemed so decent and exactly the kind of person I wanted to get to know better.
It got to the stage that I decided I was just going to be open and ask him out, which is unlike me. But almost at exactly the same time, I noticed that the tone had changed in his communication without any real reason why. Then he disappeared.
After Christmas 2020, he got back in touch. I sent a reply. He gushed back that it was always so good to hear from me. I replied again and he sent an epically long but really well written lovely message back confiding some quite sad things he'd been going through, asking things about me. It really seemed like the most personal message he'd ever sent and in it he had offered to do me a favour (voluntarily). I sent a really nice and long reply next, accepting his help and offering to return the favour. I'd given up hope months before and thought this was a new start.
But he never replied. Never did the favour he promised, knowing it would have a knock on effect on some quite vulnerable people. Just ghosted me and I've never heard from him again.
And I feel like he was as good as it gets round here. I only wanted to go for a walk with him as well, I wasn't expecting to marry him or anything. I just wanted a chance to see if there was any potential there. But even that was too much to expect.