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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He came back

27 replies

Pleasedontstoptherain · 18/05/2021 18:05

I'm absolutely fine and not struggling. Just wanted to see your opinions on this guy. It never worked out because of his reluctance to talk about things. We dated for 3 months. Then a small thing made him blow up. Stopped speaking for 2 days.

Then we were sorted it. All good for 10 weeks. It seemed he was window shopping and I wanted to know if he was wasting my time. He got abit flappy about it and delete me from Facebook. Stopped talking for 2 weeks. I was abit upset but was ok.

He came back for 2 days but soon ran away again when I told him I wasn't interested unless we had an adult conversation about what sort of relationship he wanted. He was saying some strong serious commited things yet acting very differently sometimes.

He couldn't do the conversation and blocked me and ran away again. 8 weeks since we last spoke. I thought he was long gone and then Sunday night my phone pinged. It was a friend request from him. I was kinda what the heck as we hadn't left things great. So I asked him if he meant to send it. He said I wanted to know how you are? So I sent back that I was fine and how about himself? He said he was fine thanks. I said good. Went to sleep. Not heard since.

I'm absolutely fine and not asking for advice on blocking him. Not wanting to start anything up again.

But why an earth has he gone out of his way and then not even tried to make a conversation. It seems odd for the way we left things for him to make out he was wondering about me then I'm ok thanks was enough to not bother any further

What do you think his plan is?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 18/05/2021 18:09

Just block him. He sounds well immature. Life is too short for this crap.

SpeakingFranglais · 18/05/2021 18:11

Sex

something2say · 18/05/2021 18:11

He's fishing on a Saturday night.

I had this. I'm rarely single but was in 2017. Met this Italian man. One date, fine. Chatting on messenger. Well I say chatting, hed take his time responding. Anyway one Saturday I had an event to speak at, big deal for me. Went well, I get home, open a rare bottle of wine gifted to me. I drink little and not wine. He texted, I told him I was having a glass of wine and he said it wouldn't work between us if I'm a drunk. Date cancelled!! Turns out he was that highly strung. I went on to meet now fiance and this man still messages occasionally and its always him fishing to see if I'm single. If I were, I would not speak to him because his on off showed me who he was.

I would advise you dont reply to this man. Having to pin a man down to find out if he's into you is an answer in itself.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/05/2021 18:14

He does what he wants, disappears when he wants, gets in touch when he wants. He sees you as an easy touch because you always reply.

Getafuckinggripman · 18/05/2021 18:15

He'll be gone again like a fart in the wind. It baffles me how many women on here put up with this horse shit. Better off buying a dildo

Sunshinesky1981 · 18/05/2021 18:22

Ego boost for him. Basically seeing how crap he can treat.you but you will still answer him when he beckons you

Original poster

Pleasedontstoptherain · 18/05/2021 18:22

Haha nah he won't be getting sex from me and he knows I don't chase. He's always been the one who gives in and comes back. It's just the weirdest thing. I was sure he was chatting to another woman anyway now. Well he must be because she looks like she's cheering him on in most his Facebook posts.

Such weird behaviour. I'm not bothered and won't be chasing him. Haven't chased him since February. Just think he is embarrassing himself now with his dramatic exits and cool as a cucumber returns.

OP posts:

Ruminating2020 · 18/05/2021 18:23

He is playing mind games. He is hoovering you, then discarding you by doing the disappearing act and silent treatment. It is to do with power and control.

Life is too short for people like him. Think no more of it and just be glad you dodged a bullet.

something2say · 18/05/2021 18:23

No more replies then. It sends out the wrong message and it means he's in your life for longer.

joystir59 · 18/05/2021 18:25

Just had an itch he thought you might scratch

littleburn · 18/05/2021 18:26

He's just tugging on the line to see if he's still got you hooked. You responded to him, his ego is sated so he goes quiet again until next time. Just ignore if it happens again would be my advice.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/05/2021 18:28

You seem to think that you've got the upper hand because you're not chasing him. But he's calling the shots and you're accepting the crumbs. He's making a fool of you and I'm sorry, but you're allowing him.

Imjustsootired · 18/05/2021 23:32

Every time you reply to this dick, he feels all happy with himself.

Stop replying. ONLY then can you actually be smug and feel you've got the upper hand. At the moment, he has tested the water and got a response so he feels he is still in the game.

MadMadMadamMim · 18/05/2021 23:37

@Pleasedontstoptherain

Such weird behaviour. I'm not bothered and won't be chasing him. Haven't chased him since February. Just think he is embarrassing himself now with his dramatic exits and cool as a cucumber returns.

But you respond to him every time! All this about I don't chase is a bit daft, frankly when he can drop you for weeks yet the minute he texts you're all yeah, fine..how are you?

I'd have blocked him the first time he was flaky and never given him another thought. You're still wondering what he's up to!

Guavafish · 18/05/2021 23:44

Lonely, bored and he can!

He is probably speaking to 5 other women online ... please block him

AndeanMountainCat · 18/05/2021 23:45

Block-a-doodle-doo. Please.

seensome · 18/05/2021 23:49

He's wanting you to chase him still for his ego boost and hoping he can play you again, you've done the right thing to stop contact, don't reply in future and don't look at his sm, moving on is the way to go.

Lamentations · 19/05/2021 00:03

@Pleasedontstoptherain

Such weird behaviour. I'm not bothered and won't be chasing him. Haven't chased him since February. Just think he is embarrassing himself now with his dramatic exits and cool as a cucumber returns.

I'm not bothered...

...but I'm checking who's liking his Facebook posts.

Just ditch him OP.

PinkSatinMoon · 19/05/2021 00:07

He comes back because you let him...

You're not in control HE is.. HE decides how long HE stays and when to leave..

HE is controlling everything.

You are a free meal and a bed for the night whether that includes sex or not, you'll never admit on here.

HE is using you again and again and you let Him, and HE knows it, you're just an easy option. 🌸

category12 · 19/05/2021 00:08

You are letting him play you. He drops you, then you keep having him back.

He's just testing if you're still his fallback option. You replied, so he's complacent he can slip back in if he wants.

blacksax · 19/05/2021 00:10

He's dangling himself like a carrot on a string in front of you. Just in case you fancy a bite.

What an attention-seeking prat.

Devlesko · 19/05/2021 00:16

Looking for a booty call.

Lalliella · 19/05/2021 00:32

Why are you bothering with this dickhead? Just block him and move on.

edwinbear · 19/05/2021 09:36

This. You reply all cheery to him every time he messages, he is definitely the one in charge here.

Shutthelightoff · 19/05/2021 09:43

He was bored because no one else wanted to play with him. Tell him to fuck off.

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