Adult son bullying me

[morethanspice]

I’m separated messy divorce son still at home
Ex a controlling narcissist type and son starting to follow suit
He’s trying to control what I eat, he threw out my margarine when I was at work, he’s just barged into my room saying I’m snoring
It’s constant, I’m beginning to feel unwelcome in my own home

The only answer to this is to tell him to move out.

It's your home and he can fuck off to his father's if he likes. But he doesn't get to be a prick to you.

Time for him to be given his marching orders. Send him to his dad's house if necessary.

In the meantime, are you able to stand up to him? Your house, your rules, respect your personal space - that sort of thing?

Gosh NOT ok at all. How old is he?

How old is he? If he's 18+ tell him he needs to find alternative accommodation and give him a deadline for when he needs to be out. You deserve better than this.

How old is he? Pack him off to his dads!

This sort of behaviour does tend to run in families, you need some time on your own. He needs to gain some respect for you and some empathy for what you have been through.

x

You need to tell him to leave. That's appalling behaviour and you don't have to endure it.

Please try to find the courage to show him the door.

Send him to his Dad's 👍

OP are you okay? this is not remotely acceptable, do you feel safe ?

you can phone the Police, if you do not feel safe. 🌸

How old is he ?

He’s 20.

He needs to leave.

Tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and to replace the food thrown out and put a lock on your door.

He has to leave. Give him a date to move out and if it escalates or you feel threatened ring the police. Just because he’s your son doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like shit.

Yep. Off he pops.

Does he work and pay towards the bills. I agree to send him to his dad's.

Yep, thanks for your input son but that's the door! Off you go!

His dad is living with his own very elderly parents. I’m still a bit shocked about last night. Last week he threw a strop because I’d left something on the kitchen worktop. I’m beginning to realise this is untenable.

morethan he has learned his dads abusive behaviour. I feel sorry for the women he gets with if he can’t even respect his own mother.

You absolutely can tell him to leave. Just because he is your son doesn’t mean you have to accept this behaviour. Have you got any to help you in RL?

If he’s under your roof he should behave respectfully and if he cant he needs to leave. He is a grown up and should behave like one. At least he has somewhere to go - his dads.

Well if he cant go to dads he’ll have to rent his own place or stay with friends. Give him one more chance and show him you mean business. Keep strong

Is he paying towards his board and lodging?

This is no way for you to live- you should be enjoying a peaceful life after seperating from a monster. Give your son a date to be moved out by and maybe even provide him with flats to look at/jobs to apply for to speed up the process. Don't let him stay any longer than necessary, you deserve better than this.

He’s 20 so he can fuck off with that shit!

Have you tried explaining to him just how beyond the pale his behaviour is, that he is being abusive?

He has had his dad as his role model. He presumably learned this behaviour in his home, potentially from an early age. It will take some unlearning.

You absolutely should not accept this behaviour and him moving out may be necessary for you to assert your boundaries, and for him to learn what is/ is not acceptable in normal relationships.

You might want to consider getting him some outside help to understand the impact of his behaviour. By just kicking him out, the risk is that he is unleashed on an unsuspecting woman, and she becomes the next you and the cycle repeats.