I think I’m being ridiculous, am I?

[HelpImTooNeedy]

I’m in a new online relationship. Never met though had plans to do so imminently now rules are relaxed. Met online 3 months ago and been in intense daily contact ever since. Covid, work and family situs mean we’ve just not been able to meet up yet. Contact is on and off every day and at least a couple of hours chatting every night. Feelings are intense on both sides but obviously since we’ve not yet met we’ve both acknowledged that the feelings are untested and a bit OTT.

Anyway, his mum is seriously ill. Taken into hospital end of last week. I’ve barely heard from him since. I’ve sent messages of support perhaps once daily, trying not to be obviously needy or put too much pressure on him. Yesterday we managed a a very short text convo. Today nothing at all.

I’m hurt. I’m going through a tough time myself right now with family stuff that he’s aware of. Am I being ridiculous to now doubt his feelings? I think I probably am but need a (gentle please) reality check.

He’s come to mean a lot to me and I had high hopes that after a very long drought he might be someone I could really see myself having a relationship with. Now I’m doubting his interest.

@bangheadhere40 thank you for the solidarity

@CaptSkippy thanks for the Reddit recommendation. I’ll take a look

It's so exciting when you come out of a long relationship - the end of that is usually pretty miserable, so when someone shows an interest and it's all exciting, it's like you've been crawling hopelessly through the desert and spotted a five-star hotel with waiters at the pool :) The first time I dated after separating, it was the spring and the flowers seemed extra colourful and scented :) I was lucky that I was not looking for anything serious and just fancied a fling.

OP the most likely outcome is that his mum is not in hospital and he's just trying to extract himself from an online diversion now the world is opening up.

Honestly, most of us who've done OLD have been there. Me included. Except it was the guys brother.,..

This is an absolutely text book case. Also, a man who was interested in ever meeting you would have made it happen.

I'm sorry, it's truly shit. Stop messaging him, he may well start chasing, but you should only respond if he is fixing an actual real life date. You deserve better than to be someone's evening boredom buster.

I believe his mum is in hospital. As I said upthread there’s a back story which I’m well aware of which we’ve discussed at length face to face (albeit on FaceTime!). So, I don’t believe he’s the worst of the playing kind. However, I do believe that he’s maybe using it as cover for distancing himself for whatever reason. I would also say that he was my evening boredom buster too. We’ve been an escape for each other. I’ve driven that as much as he has. I don’t think I’m some victim that’s been totally played. There’s been a fairly good balance in terms of who initiated contact. I think if he ultimately disappears, using his mum as an excuse then he’s probably just cowardly and doesn’t have the balls to tell me he’s not interested any more and or just doesn’t want to take the next step. But, either way, it’s a useful lesson.

I doubt very much she's in hospital!

I fell into a very similar trap with a man in another country OP, who led me to believe he was a member of the military amongst other things. He was VERY convincing, had military items and photos in uniform which "backed up" his claims and I spoke to him "face to face" over facetime multiple times.

It was all bullshit. Be VERY careful. My instincts are telling me this man is being dishonest and you need to be cautious, especially with kids involved.

Posting again to add this man also had a backstory that we discussed multiple times at length and also had some very convincing PTSD episodes. Do NOT believe a word you hear unless you physically see his sick mother in hospital.

@CyberGhost omg you poor thing. What motivates people to behave like this? What do they get out of it? There’s no chance of me seeing his mum in hospital so tread carefully I will.

I’m going to leave the thread now. Thank you to everyone who’s posted and given advice. I’ve learned lots and just need to see how things pan out with this one whilst trying to reduce my level of investment and prepare for the worst.