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Original poster

Online dating help

34 replies

znaika · 16/05/2021 16:56

I have finally capitulated and have started online dating. I have not had one response! I understand that it is harder for women in their 40s (am 45 and didn't lie about it!) but have read that women are nearly always inundated with responses.
I have added pics
I have written blurb
I have clicked and liked various profiles and sent messages
Clearly am going wrong. Feeling so disheartened. What can I do? What do you do?

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 16/05/2021 17:56

Have you set up your profile correctly?
Have you ticked female and not male?

Come over to the dating thread where we offer loads of support.
People will even review your profile if you want them too.

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 18:01

Thank you so much SortingItOut. I felt like I didn't want to intrude on that thread and clearly you lot are getting dates but having other issues instead!! I look forward to having to deal with the twats in due course:) See you on the other thread.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 16/05/2021 18:03

Not everyone has dates, some are still swiping and chatting and getting no where☹

Some of us are in relationships but still post.

Happycat1212 · 16/05/2021 18:08

That’s unusual, I got loads of messages when I joined tinder and I didn’t even have a pic!!

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 18:23

Am reading the thread now! I have been on (not Tinder) for a month. I have had 2 views and no messages. Clearly going badly wrong. Have clicked and liked loads of profiles, written messages but nada. I wish I had thought of MN before I signed up, because it seems like blogposts etc are all geared toward people who are young and beautiful and am feelin a bit invisible and loserish and so maybe am making a massive pigs ear of it :)

OP posts:
skipperjonce · 16/05/2021 18:31

Make sure your location, sex and age group you're interested in are all set correctly. Also make sure distance to search is set something reasonable too. No point only showing up on 42-44 year old within 2 miles for example. You need to set your net wider than that.

Also, if its POF check you haven't ticked the box to only accept messages from premium/confirmed profiles. This will massively limit your pool.

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 18:55

It's Eharmony I have set ages 45-62 and have opened to all South of England! I have read just now that Eharmony is crap and many consider it a scam but also read before that it has a good success rate. Dunno... It's almost certainly the pictures isn't it Blush I did think I looked normal...

OP posts:
Thinkaboutthings · 16/05/2021 18:57

I think you should try dating websites that are more popular.

Happycat1212 · 16/05/2021 18:57

Oh if it’s eharmony then my sister joined there and said the same thing that she only got a couple of messages and there was hardly any men on there. And she’s in her 30s so I don’t think it’s anything to do with you

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 18:58

@Thinkaboutthings

I think you should try dating websites that are more popular.
Aha! Which ones would you recommend?
OP posts:
SansaClegane · 16/05/2021 19:00

I would try FB dating. Easy to set up and you really just don't have to do anything, just wait for the likes to roll in and then filter through. I'm 41 btw so not exactly young and glam!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 16/05/2021 19:01

Eharmony is crap, I favour OKCupid because I like the personality questions.

If you're in a city, Guardian soulmates, The Times dating (can't remember the name) can be good. Bit London-centric though.

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 19:06

@SansaClegane

I would try FB dating. Easy to set up and you really just don't have to do anything, just wait for the likes to roll in and then filter through. I'm 41 btw so not exactly young and glam!
FB dating? Hmmm am looking now
OP posts:
Sadloveheart · 16/05/2021 19:07

Avoid Tinder

NakedBanana · 16/05/2021 19:10

Haha sadloveheart I totally disagree. Tinder is def the best, especially for a newbie!! Don't for the of god, do POF until you're a bit more OLD savvy.

Anyway doesn't matter, they're all on all the sites anyway. Same people!

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 19:10

@Sadloveheart

Avoid Tinder
Yes Tinder scares the bejesus out of me
OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 16/05/2021 19:11

Honestly I think all the guys are on all the sites (and friends have said they see all the same guys) so doesn’t really matter which one you use imo, bumble?

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 19:13

@NakedBanana

Haha sadloveheart I totally disagree. Tinder is def the best, especially for a newbie!! Don't for the of god, do POF until you're a bit more OLD savvy.

Anyway doesn't matter, they're all on all the sites anyway. Same people!

Oh no!!! POF- why is that one so scary? The whole thing is terrifying.

Eharmony has some fairly ok profiles although many of the photos were total shite. I am not sure if my photos are good enough. I didn't use filters and they are not dressed up and glam. I know some of the younger ones at work have professional photoshoots for social media and dating profiles but am not ready to go that far yet

OP posts:
Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 19:14

Thanks Happy Cat- will look at Bumble

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 16/05/2021 19:28

I would go with Okcupid, Bumble and Hinge.

If not successful later on consider POF or Tinder.

spongedog · 16/05/2021 19:36

I thought Guardian had closed their dating site?

ScabbyHorse · 16/05/2021 19:41

I had the same thing on eharmony! And I paid loads for it! Then I tried POF and got over a hundred likes in the first evening.

Crazylemon86 · 16/05/2021 19:41

I met my husband through match.com, it was 7 years ago but thought it might be worth mentioning as an option Smile good luck

NakedBanana · 16/05/2021 19:42

For what it's worth I believe Tinder is the best online dating app because

  • millions of people on there, so more likely to match
  • everyone who is on bumble is on tinder every. Single. One.
  • you only match with people you like and who like you. Unlike POF where you'll get 100s of messages a day.
  • you can't send pics
  • when you match on Tinder, never ever message first as if they are interested enough they will contact you.
  • they can't see if you're online.

Also top tips for your profile. No more than 3 or pics. Include a face shot and a body shot.

In your profile put something short and snappy. Your likes and dislikes. And for the love of god don't put- I like going out for meals and also like staying in with a glass of wine and a film. No shit Sherlock. Or I've got a good sense of humour.

And my all time favourite "no time wasters" hahaha! Yup that'll tell them.

Also no matter what any of the naive young women on here say DO NOT MENTION YOUR KIDS on your profile. There are some with ill intentions, who spend their time looking just for single mums.

Get your mates to look over your pics and profile prose. A pic you may think is amazing of you, well maybe your mates may not think so.

And another top tip, do don't spend more than 2 weeks "talking" to someone, they're really is a lot of time wasters out there.

Good luck OP!

Original poster
znaika · 16/05/2021 19:51

@NakedBanana you're the best. Thanks will maybe brave Tinder. I thought I had a great profile on Eharmony (deluded) but avoided cliches, did the close up shot, full body shot and action shot with the pics etc. Will try again. Eharmony is not cheap either. Bugger.

OP posts:
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