How did you know if you had autism or weren't neurotypical?

[Opaljewel]

I'm not sure if this the best place for this topic but there is a lot of traffic here.

I'm doing a lot of work on myself and trying to figure myself out. I have an actual diagnosis of anxiety but sometimes it feels more like I get overwhelmed or sensory overload in situations.

A neurologist once touched on aspergers but I didn't think he was correct.

However on talking to a friend of mine online who is autistic, I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to find out why I do the way I do things and how I can help myself.

I'm still unsure if even getting a diagnosis will help me or even if I am on the spectrum. I am also aware that not everyone experiences it the same.

However I feel like it would really help me to hear from people with disorder, in particular women. May I please ask what were you like as a child or were you diagnosed as an adult? Did the diagnosis help or hinder you?

Also if I've used any wrong terms or said anything in an offensive way, I apologise. I'm just still learning and trying to get things right. Thank you.

I was diagnosed (private clinic) as a young adult. Always struggled with social anxiety, I never thought it could be autism because I didn’t meet the stereotype (which is usually based on men anyway).

I’m fairly young (gen Z) so you’d think it would’ve been more easily picked up as a child but none of my teachers or Doctors ever suspected I could be autistic.
I can’t help but feel frustrated that so many women missed out on the help they should have been entitled to because autism is still seen through a male perspective. In addition, a lot of the negative stereotypes of autism for e.g., being overly blunt or lacking empathy are not typical traits for women

I mean if I couldn’t have afforded that private assessment, I wouldn’t be allowed to ask for reasonable adjustments in the workplace. I don’t think I’d be able to hold down a job without any adjustments.
Also, it affected my school/uni experience hugely but it’s obviously too late to do anything about that now. Teachers would accuse me of being lazy or coasting (when in reality I was really struggling!)

I was diagnosed about 6 years ago.

As a child, I didn't have many friends. I always had one who I was very intense about that always ended after a couple of years. That is a pattern that has continued through my life until quite recently. I no longer have any close friends.

I didn't like to be hugged, I reacted to strong smells and sounds and I still do. I'm very photosensitive. I didn't behave as other children did amd spent a life time being asked why I couldn't "just be like everyone else?"

I didn't 'get' other children. I preferred to sit in my room and read than go out and play. I didn't do imaginative play.

As an adult I have a first class degree and masters but I'm unable to keep/stay in a full time permanent post. I need a 'get out' and full time is overwhelming - I try but it just becomes too much so I work in short term contract posts. I'm kind, friendly, loyal etc. But i struggle with friendships and relationships to the point where i no longer try.

I'd previously been heen diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I knew i wasnt depressed.

I don't get hints, don't like unsolicited touching, am sensitive to smells. I find NT people exhausting in their expectations of social behaviours.

I think I'm 'normal' and dread telling people in case inget the whole "you don't look autistic" but increasingly I'm finding that people have already guessed or know there is 'something'.

Life is hard work. People my own age sometimes feel very 'old' or at least very 'grown up' but people younger than me don't have the life experiences, but at least I don't feel stupid around them, so it's difficult connecting.

I feel most comfortable with people 10+ years older or younger than me because everyone expects you to be on a slightly different page to them so it doesn't feel odd.

Those are those things I can think of off the top of my head.

Most of my best friendships have been with other people who are on the spectrum or 'odd' in some way. We tend to gravitate towards each other and are more forgiving of each other's quirks.

My NT friend describes it as my Special Sensor.

Having a diagnosis helps because I can use the language to describe myself. It's not really made any tangible difference to my life.

In addition, a lot of the negative stereotypes of autism for e.g., being overly blunt or lacking empathy are not typical traits for women

I am quite blunt and prefer people to be that way with me. I can't be doing with trying to interpret or unpick what they actually mean.

I've always found the empathy thing to be a red herring.

Most of the autistic people I know (men and women) experience empathy to the point where its almost painful. But none of us know what to say so we don't so people think we don't feel it. That's partly what I meant by the NT social expectations.

No doubt other autistic people don't feel empathy but for me it's overwhelming and almost painful. So I often shut down.

I hold down a very senior job and earn very close to 6 figures a year. I manage a team and I’m known to be excellent at what I do. However there are rules to business communication and my expertise speaks for me.

In social circumstances everything is different. As a kid I had very few friends - really only ever 1 close friend at a time. I didn’t do imaginative play, always preferred a book to going out to play, struggled to understand when I was being made fun of...
As an adult I can do basic small-talk (weather mostly). I still struggle with anything more than that except with a very select few (family, best friend and my OH) most of whom are also not NT! I tend not to get the joke, totally miss hints, walk off mid-conversation because I didn’t know the conversation was still ongoing, hate physical contact with strangers, struggle with noise... Strangers think I’m odd but I don’t care. I’m comfortable with who I am, I don’t need more friends, I rarely tell people I’m autistic but I was open with my OH in the early stages of our relationship. He has ADHD (as does my sister) and is very understanding of my oddities as I am of his.

I've been told by a few people that I have autistic traits, such as avoiding eye contact, not liking being touched, social anxiety, obsessions, avoiding any sort of social interaction, hand movements/clapping when I'm in any sort of stressful situation, and stuttering.

I've never looked in to it further as I feel like I'd be dismissed by anyone I told or spoke to. I'm already under the doctor for a few of these things but I've always been too scared to suggest anything.

Well, the clue is in my user name really!
I can identify with everything that has been posted, and was finally diagnosed at the age of 62. The diagnosis has not helped an awful lot, but it does give clues as to why I struggle with certain situations.
I can offer sympathy and empathy, but can take it no further than the initial response. Sitting analysing a situation for hours is not my thing. I have a few friends, who describe me as having a male brain. I don't do girly, am not sparkly or bling, and have learnt that friendships can wax and wane. Sensory overload is very familiar, crowds, noise, chaos and general busy situations leave me claustrophobic and needing to move away to a quiet area. I need a familiar routine, and have lived alone for the past twenty years. Change is sometimes difficult to cope with, but every ten years or so there is a need to get out of the ruts I have created and slowly introduce something new. We are all different, and we probably all have a bit of asperger lurking somewhere. You are in a good place, as you recognise that you are a bit different - I didn't! Try reading Odd Girl Out by Laura James. That was a turning point for me as it was like reading my life story. All best wishes. No point offering hugs!!

I haven't been diagnosed but DS1's diagnosis of Autism Level 1/ ADHD got me thinking that I probably was, too. I can't really afford to get myself diagnosed (I assume I'd have to go private).

I spent my childhood anxious and discombobulated. I lost everything. I was highly intelligent but all over the shop. I would have benefitted so much from medication for ADHD.

My daughter has Asperger's and I suspect I do too but at 51 I don't think a formal diagnosis will add anything to my life. I score very highly on all the online screening tests and have diagnosed social anxiety and depression.
I was an anxious, perfectionist introvert as a child. A high achiever academically but had few friends and never felt I fitted in. The consequent bullying made me withdraw even more and I spent all my time at home reading. University wasn't particularly enjoyable although I made a small circle of friends with others who were different in some way. I couldn't cope with the demands of a medical career so sidestepped into international development with a health focus where I worked in small teams and could manage social interactions. I now work in a nursery with babies and again a small team. I know I'm seen as blunt, don't do hugs with adults (but happily cuddle babies all day), not very good with people being over sensitive and who talk all the time. I love my work but at the end of the day I desperately need silence and solitude to recharge.

May21 what are the reasonable adjustments at work?

I'm 34, in the process of getting assessed and have my phone call appointment on the 26th. I'm getting a private consultation, as getting a diagnosis (if there's one to be made) is important to me and I don't want to be waiting a long time to go through the NHS.

I can't remember what made me think "maybe it's Asperger's", but I've been wondering about it for the last few years, and the more I read, the more I felt I ticked enough boxes. After being called "weirdo", "socially inept" and "pain in the ass" by someone a few weeks ago, that's pushed me to get assessed, especially as the whole situation around that caused me to have what I now believe was a meltdown.

I do try to get involved in socialising, because I do actually enjoy it, but I tend to gravitate to the person I know best in the group, rather than speak to those I know less well, though I know I do this so I make an effort with that. I'm a bit different to PP in that I really like hugs from my friends, I've actually been hugged by strangers before and that was okay.

At school I was quiet and a bit of a loner, I spoke to most people but never really got close to anyone, and certainly didn't have a friendship group. I've got a few close friends now, but as a rule most of my friends are guys, I just somehow feel more comfortable around them, always have. At work I try to chat to people, but struggle to keep conversation going. If I need to speak to someone about something, eg my manager, I'll rehearse the conversation in my head, and I've been known to write down things to help me make sense of how I'm feeling. I talk to myself to do this, too.

Ultimately I've always felt a little bit different and couldn't put my finger on why, so I'm hoping I can get some definite answers next week. I do plan to be open about it if I get a diagnosis, but I also want something tangible from a specialist to back things up, because I wouldn't be at all surprised if a few people I know were sceptical about it.

I have always struggled with people & social situations. If I'm left alone I don't get lonely. I have no need for social interaction at all, I liked to spend my holidays at digs at university & never spoke to anyone for weeks, it was great.
I was a very early reader. Apparently I just figured it out from my parents reading me baby books. They thought I'd memorised the stories but one day they realised I could read them. I was only just 2. I could read independently by 3 with no support.
I'm hyperlexic. It's one of the more common & useless forms of savantism. I could also learn things by reading them through just once when I was younger. I never had to revise for anything, I was very lazy really.
I had MH issues from very young. I realised when I was 7 that I was different & I was clearly depressed, didn't get help until 13 after a suicide attempt.

It's very strange because now I have a neurological condition that is causing me to lose my memory & ability to read. Haven't read a book in years, I used to read constantly & now it's audiobooks or nothing. And I struggle to learn anything new as I can't reliably retain any new memories.

Diagnosed a few years ago. I never felt the same as everyone else, like pp I preferred my own company and as a child was far more mature than my peers in my interests, didn't really understand the point of playing and would rather read. I got bored with school and disengaged around year 9, totally flunked my GCSEs but once I found something that interested me and where I could continue to learn alongside my job I started almost collecting degrees. About to embark on a PhD. I do find it hard to empathise and it's not that I don't care, I'm just a very pragmatic person and prefer to concentrate on actions rather than emotions. Things started to fall into place when ds (also autistic) was going through assessment and I realised I probably was. Had no interest in pursuing a diagnosis for myself until I was studying for an MSc and I failed an assignment due to literal interpretation of the question. My tutor suggested that I get a diagnosis so that I could access support with academic work. My GP referred me to a neurodevelopmental psychiatrist and I received a diagnosis after one assessment. I am married with two dc, hold down a very responsible job and I have two close friends and some acquaintances. I'm very open about my diagnosis because I would rather educate people and because I want them to understand why I don't like being touched, why I need low lighting at work and why I wear headphones a lot (can't filter noise and find it distracting). I find most people are just interested, dh struggles a bit sometimes, he's exasperated by my inability for abstract thinking but he's used to me after 20+ years

I was diagnosed about 10 years ago.

All of my life I've felt 'different' - I've never fitted in and never seemed to be able to sustain relationships, which is a shame as I would love to have friends and a partner. However, I've accepted that it is what it is. Having a cat helps.

I am quite sensitive to noise. Don't like non-purposeful touching. For example, I have no problems shaking hands but sitting next to someone on public transportation whose leg or arm touches mine makes me ill.

Probably my greatest difficulty is understanding NT communication. Unless someone is very explicit I tend to misinterpret, which has caused endless problems in employment.

I have taught myself to be good at small talk. I am always the one who asks people how they are, remembers what they say about their families, makes jokes etc. I do this because I think that that's what NTs do.

I was diagnosed as a young adult. I've always felt different and have never fitted in. I can do small talk but I can't keep a conversation going beyond that. I hate crowds and noise. I get obsessed with things and resent any time I can't focus on my obsession. I spend a lot of time online or reading or watching TV because I feel like I need to escape and switch my brain off constantly. I get very anxious about things, especially going to places I've never been before.

AnExcellentWalker I taught myself to read before starting school as well. My "thing" is remembering numbers - phone numbers, car registrations, bank card numbers etc. At work people are surprised that I know all the children's dates of birth, even ones I looked after years ago!

I also taught myself to read, as have both my boys (DS2 doesn't have a diagnosis). Hyperlexia is definitely part and parcel of ASD.

Also, I am terrified of fireworks displays. Loud noise plus unexpected bangs is my worst nightmare.

I am diagnosed autistic
I am different from a lot of people though in that I do not FEEL I am autistic despite my diagnosis.
I am very social, have hated lockdown
But I am apparently someone who you might say is “stereotypically autistic” in that even strangers sometimes ask me “are you autistic?”
I not know what it is about me but when my gym posted a live video on Facebook (with our consent I am not shy!) and I watched it when I got home I could kind of see how I do act differently (Hand flapping, verbal/vocal stims, not very strong, very bouncy when I happy!) I am a mid 30s but I certainly looked a lot younger than all the 20year olds who were also in the video.
The only time I “use” it is at work where I could not work without the reasonable adjustments and I wear my sunflower lanyard that used to just be for airports back in good old days pretty much everywhere now just so people are a bit more patient as I not very quick or fast.
I still have meltdowns and times when I cannot talk especially when under stress. I HATE noise and have nice purple ear defenders to help me when it gets too bad
I have to admit I still have quite extreme sensory issues, I live my life outside work in light football shorts that do not rub. Cannot wear labels or anything scratchy
I am pretty much the same I was when I was young. Apart from I can talk mostly now 🙂
I happy to try and answer any questions for you though OP
I am in denial a bit, but no one else has any doubt about me so if I can help at all I happy to

How does anyone confidently know they are NT?

Not trying to be an arse. Just thinking that it's another angle on OP's question.

Oh and I still need my routines on a whiteboard telling me what/when I need to do something. I have “prompt cards” reminding me of social things that I carry about with me I need reminders about everything. If my routine is out I am screwed I cannot even dress myself if the routine is not there. Maybe I am more autistic than I think and everyone was right, but I a good person, kind to everyone, good sense of humour although I not get a lot of jokes, and I love animals so all is good really 🙂

@NeedSomewhereToProcessThis I'm fascinated by your comment re empathy. My son is recently diagnosed and he really is a loving, caring boy. He wakes up in the morning and runs to his sisters room to see her, yet when she (or any of us) are hurt or sad its like he totally disengages with the world around him and sees none of us. The “lack of empathy“ explanation never quite sat well with me and now I'm wondering if he feels it TOO much and shuts himself down because of it.
Thank you for this insight. It's really helped me.

I was diagnosed as an adult privately, in my thirties. I was trying to hold down a job after having been the sahm, we homeschooled and at a certain point in the children's education my dh gave up work and I went to work......dh was able to do all the travelling and socialising and stuff that the children needed, and I just couldn't do it. So I went to work where I struggled and struggled. I didn't learn like the others, I didn't react like the others, I was rude but kind....surly but friendly....scruffy yet exacting......a whole lot of clashing things that just didn't fit in a corporate working environment. So they paid for me to be assessed in order that they would make necessary adjustments for me. These did not really help and at my lowest ebb I was having ocular migraines every day, couldn't speak, and spent an inordinate amount of time lying down on the cold floor of the disabled loos which had no window and, once locked, was completely pitch black. I was in a bad way.

I also was diagnosed with bipolar, in the interests of full disclosure.

I lasted five years at that job before I had to leave. I was off sick so much, rocking, covered in stress induced hives for months at a time. The children chose to go to school when they were 9, so dh was able to go back to work and I was able to be at home.

Zoom forward a few years, I am now on benefits and dh is my carer. My bipolar is mostly managed with meds, and my asperger's we deal with on a daily basis, with lots of love and humour.

Sorry that turned into an essay. I hope something helps xxxx

I was diagnosed as an adult, although it was first suggested in my late teens.

As a child - I was solitary, "in my own world" according to school reports, didn't understand social norms, selectively mute at times, very early reader / hyperlexic, photographic memory, "young for my age."

As an adult I have a degree, MA and postgrad qualifications but found it hard to keep a job and eventually had what I now know was a major autistic burnout. That was when I went for a diagnosis. I'm now self employed and extremely happy. Still a bit odd though

The diagnosis has definitely helped me. I ask for adjustments when I need them. I make adjustments for myself. I can see a meltdown / shutdown coming and I can now take steps to stop it. I am far kinder to myself than I used to be.

Please can people give some pointers on how someone can get a diagnosis? I assume privately.

joris not everyone goes privately, it is possible to go to a GP. I went to a charity called Action for Aspergers and had a pre-assessment then a clinical diagnosis.