How did you know if you had autism or weren't neurotypical?

[Opaljewel]

I'm not sure if this the best place for this topic but there is a lot of traffic here.

I'm doing a lot of work on myself and trying to figure myself out. I have an actual diagnosis of anxiety but sometimes it feels more like I get overwhelmed or sensory overload in situations.

A neurologist once touched on aspergers but I didn't think he was correct.

However on talking to a friend of mine online who is autistic, I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to find out why I do the way I do things and how I can help myself.

I'm still unsure if even getting a diagnosis will help me or even if I am on the spectrum. I am also aware that not everyone experiences it the same.

However I feel like it would really help me to hear from people with disorder, in particular women. May I please ask what were you like as a child or were you diagnosed as an adult? Did the diagnosis help or hinder you?

Also if I've used any wrong terms or said anything in an offensive way, I apologise. I'm just still learning and trying to get things right. Thank you.

Thank you @KarmaViolet x

joris my next door neighbour was diagnosed last year and she went via her GP and Nhs so it is possible that way rather than private.

I was 33 when I realised I had Asperger's and suddenly everything dropped into place.

I had friends until my teens then realised I preferred to stay home and read a book than go out partying. I holidayed on my own and lived it as I could do what I wanted.

I love routine and hate change, even Tony plan changes like not getting the house cleaned when I wanted or waking up when I wanted would ruin my day but I couldn't put my finger on that for ages.

The biggest thing though as realising that I don't naturally feel empathy. I care about people and I hate things happening to other but I don't empathise and I find very empathetic people really really agitating.

I knew a lot about autism but didn't connect the dots until my husband said "it's like you don't feel empathy". I realised he was right, then I realised what a rigid person I am about change. My childhood play was imaginative to a point but very repetitive. I preferred arranging my Sylvanian animals to look nice in their house than play.

I've always had very strong feelings about right and wrong.

I knew I was different around 16 but it took about 15 years to know why.

I love knowing why but it makes me care less about how I feel about things as I think "I can't change it"

@jorisbonsonstoupe I found a website called Connect to Autism, the specialist assessing me runs it, she's based in Scotland though so depending on where you live it may not be the best option.

I read a thread on MN about Autism in women and had a “light bulb” moment. I’d always know I was different, since I was kid. Didn’t ever fit socially. Didn’t really have true friends in primary school, found friends at senior school but did have lots of falling out. I always felt like life had given everyone else a rule book and mine was missing half the pages. I do get a bit obsessed with things - TV shows, hobbies, certain bands. I go through phases though.

Once I realised I might be Autistic, I got a bit obsessed. I did every online quiz I could find (scored highly). Looked at Tania Marshall’s info on Autism in women. Wrote a four page list on why I thought I was Autistic. Discussed it with DH and my sister who were both a bit skeptical but agreed that I wouldn’t settle until I knew either way. I approached my GP who didn’t feel I was but said Well I don’t think you are but if you really want me to, I’ll refer you. I met the initial screening criteria so they agreed to assess me. Long waiting list but I finally got assessed and yes, I am Autistic. (I was early 30s when I was diagnosed).

It’s been interesting. It’s been quite a process to accept my diagnosis. I’ve been able to disclose at work and get a bit more understanding and support. I’ve also found online friends who are neuro diverse which is an amazing support network for me. For me, it was well worth pursuing my diagnosis.

I've always had very strong feelings about right and wrong.

Me too. This article really resonated. neuroclastic.com/2019/03/23/very-grand-emotions/

I was diagnosed as Hyperactive as a child but knew nothing other than the label.

When one of dds consultants suggested she really was ticking a lot of adhd boxes I had a look into it and suddenly understood it all, it was my life. Everything I've struggled in life since childhood with made sense. Everything I was good at did too.

While I clearly came up with some coping mechanisms that I assumed were just 'me', he understanding that my diagnosis lead to the things I just wasn't 'normal' about has meant I've come to terms with a lot. It's not helped me with my family though, as their burying their heads in the sand along with assuming that a good wallop or several would make me normal did anything but help me.

Sorry that's a bit of a different thing to your question, but yeah a diagnosis can at least help in the sense of squaring hints in your head.

I have a child with an Aspergers diagnosis and this has made me look at myself in a new light. I do not have a diagnosis but suspect that I may not be NT.

I’m super clever, always have been, was top of the class at school. I have a near photographic memory and remember all sorts of random pieces of information. I sometimes joke that people shouldn’t tell me things because I will remember it (sometimes this makes me paranoid that people remember things I tell them, and other times I’m convinced nobody remembers who I am). I think I would have made an excellent medic because I am very good at random diagnoses, for me it’s a mix of probability and risk for what should be screened for and what is most likely.

At school I got on pretty ok, but I was sort of friends with everyone and nobody all at the same time. I didnt get on well with the very ‘girly girls’ and as an adult I don’t do well with large groups of women. I studied and worked in a very male dominated field and am most comfortable with nerdy guys.

I have some sensory issues, mostly around touch. If I’m running and want to push my sleeves up they have to be at the exact same length (same with my leggings). I don’t like loud unexpected noise. I don’t like very strong flavours.

I tend to tell people things exactly as I see them. That doesn’t always make me popular. But I am an excellent problem solver, and so many people confide in me. I really like to understand people and what makes them tick.

I am hugely empathetic, and get really into certain causes. I am passionate about birth trauma, most feminist issues.

I also think DH might be autistic but he is very different to me. He is quite possibly the least empathetic person I’ve ever met, and a generally selfish person, but it’s as though he can’t see anyone else’s viewpoint at all. He also is hugely driven because he doesn’t appear to ever be satisfied. He is very different to me.

How does having diagnosis help as an adult?

I believe my DSis in her 60s is autistic. She's never been diagnosed.
Stimming, likes rigid structure, fixed dietary habits, fixed on certain interests, avid reader, self taught several languages.
She's pretty awesome. She owns her own home, has the same job for 30 plus years. Friends online and at work.

I've thought I might be but not quite the same way as my DSis.
Stimming with feet. I had never heard of hyperlexia before. The part about being delayed verbally doesn't fit.

I recall at about age 3 sitting reading a first volume of an encyclopaedia. Even now, I can close my eyes and see the page with Aardvark on it! Even now I can close my eyes and see pages from my mother's favourite cookbook and even textbooks and read off what it says.

I'd go between very talkative and periods of silence in deep thought.
So I don't know if anyone else is like that?

I also think DH might be autistic but he is very different to me. He is quite possibly the least empathetic person I’ve ever met, and a generally selfish person, but it’s as though he can’t see anyone else’s viewpoint at all.

I believe my DSis in her 60s is autistic. She's never been diagnosed.
Stimming, likes rigid structure, fixed dietary habits, fixed on certain interests, avid reader, self taught several languages.

The thing is though, from what I've since learnt since my DS was diagnosed, is that ASD is a far more varied condition than its traditionally been seen to be. DS was diagnosed with ASD as he is sensitive to noise and certain textures (although is coping better as he gets older), doesn't have the best motor skills or coordination, tends to daydream alot and doesn't tend to look people in the eye.

However, he doesn't stim, is empathic, doesn't have rigid ideas of right or wrong and certainly doesn't fixate on certain interests - quite the contrary, he gets bored easily and prefers variety. He's socially adept.

In summary, he's not he usual stereotype of someone with Aspergers - including well known individuals like Chris Packham. But he was still diagnosed with ASD. And this was, admittedly, quite confusing at the time - because, even now, even trusted websites still describe ASD as a condition that makes you tunnel-visioned, a bit OCD and socially inept. And, whilst it might do, in many cases it doesn't.

Ive been reading a lot about women and girls with autism and it very often goes unnoticed because the tests used to screen were written for males and it presents differently in females. The thing that annoys me is teachers and doctors saying things like - she doesnt seem autistic to me - when they have no expertise on autism and really shouldn't be giving their professional advice to anyone. So many girls and women slip through the net.

Does anyone know if trauma can present as autistic traits?

I don't think so as autism is a developmental condition, ie it is present from birth and can be traced from infancy.

People tend to discuss external traits of autism, ie the behaviours they note in us, but what they do not - and cannot - know and therefore cannot discuss is how we feel or what our thought patterns and processes are.

@gulliblestravels yes it can, look up the Coventry grid. It's why camhs try the attachment disorder route first

I think I probably am autistic but I have a diagnosis of dyspraxia
Lots of sensory issues but in my teens/20s I took loads of drugs so loved raves and loud music
Left school in year 9 as it was basically stupid and not interesting (also I was not in any friendship groups by then)
Am an only child and had a series of obsessions; horses, witches, map drawing
Stims - I only recognise these when I saw my son doing them (he is autistic)
Have pretty much worked for myself forever
Exhausted by social occasions (this is getting worse the older I get)
I also have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, people are seven times more likely to be autistic with this condition I believe

However I don't score highly in the online screening so 🤷‍♀️ dyspraxia does cross over with autism quite a lot, that's why you don't often get a dual diagnosis unless your motor skills are severely affected

My son was officially diagnosed as borderline ASD at 5 and it was suggested at 10 to go for another assessment. His therapist at the time suggested this and also that his infant or primative reflexes had not gone dormant and that I should look in to this too. I did and apparently if these reflexes have not gone dormant parts of your brain do not finish developing and you can develop ASD and ADHD traits etc. This was the case for my son and we started the brushing programme to get them dormant. His assessment came up at aged 12 and by this stage I had managed to get at lot of his reflexes dormant. When they go dormant the brain is allowed to finish developing. This means at his assessment they decided that while it was clear he used to have ASD traits he no longer had this and they considered him 'slow to warm up'. He was diagnosed as very NT. His school based on his passed assessments and letters from ASD specialists had put a ASD plan in place for him - I had to tell him he was no longer considered ASD anymore.
Adults can also get their reflexes dormant and trigger their brain to finish developing so I can recommend anyone interested in doing this look into it.

@gulliblestravels Possibly. Here's my experience: I was seeing a counsellor for depression & she suggested that I might be autistic because I wasn't responding to CBT techniques plus how I came across, & I did meet the NICE guidelines for assessment. I went through assessment on the NHS but was not diagnosed as on the spectrum as I only met one of the triad of impairments criteria they used (social interactions - the other two are based around obsessive interests and sensory issues IIRC). They recommended I seek compassion therapy so I went to a psychiatrist to access this. I ended up having EMDR for a childhood incident I thought I'd already dealt with through earlier counselling. This worked amazingly well & I'm free from decades of depression.

I do still wonder if I could be on the milder end of the spectrum due to how it presents in women as I'm not sure if the NHS testing fully takes that into account.

So many bits of other people’s stories are resonating with me, and it’s something I’ve thought about for years but when I asked my mum if she’d ever considered it she was very dismissive (retired teacher).
Hyperlexic, academically advanced especially with languages and maths, selective mutism (forced myself to get over that), socially awkward, highly empathetic/sensitive, very black & white on right & wrong, struggle with executive function outside of work…

I’m not NT so far as I can tell, but I’m not diagnosed as that would mean attaching a label that would currently not benefit me (but has potential to cause me problems).

I hate non-purposeful touching, get overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, have always been unable to have multiple close friends/large groups of friends, and I simply do not understand most people. I’m blunt, don’t ‘get’ many social norms (though have learned to mask this), and (apparently this is a symptom) can hear electricity in various contexts.

DH is also neurologically diverse, as is DD1. We spend a lot of time having to talk to her about ‘the rules of social interaction’.

one of the triad of impairments criteria they used (social interactions - the other two are based around obsessive interests and sensory issues IIRC).

The triads are social impairment, social communication and social imagination. Nothing to do with obsessions or sensory issues.

www.asdhelpinghands.org.uk/supporting-you/information/autism/the-triad-of-impairment/

The triad is not are.

I was diagnosed autistic 20 years ago, after recognising a similarity between myself and my DS, who had been diagnosed.
There are some good videos on YouTube by a woman called "Purple Ella" which may help you.

Wow thank you for all of the responses. It is very interesting how some are similar and some are very different.

I know that's they call it a spectrum.

I will post later tonight and tell you about my habits shall we say but I'm at work at the moment and it would take me too long.

Honestly, thank you so much for giving your responses. It means a lot you've taken time out to help me, even if it's just a few lines.

@AlfonsoTheTerrible My assessment report (NHS, 2018) which I've just checked says the triad is 1. social comunnication/interaction, 2. restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests or activities (that I shorthanded to obsessions) & 3. sensory processing differences. It also says it considers early development.

My life went to shit as soon as I stopped education. I couldn’t ‘adult’ at all. Had massive breakdown/burnout was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia for years but it didn’t make sense to anyone and I eventually read up on autism as more and more people were talking about it and recognised myself. I fought with multiple psychiatrists and psychologists for seven years to get referred for assessment and eventually one put me forward for preassessment telling me they’d tell me what everyone was saying all along, I didn’t fit the profile for autism. Well they didn’t and I was very quickly formally assessed and immediately dumped by psychiatry and left to it.
Having the diagnosis allowed me to work out how I needed to live to maintain balance and not burn out. Sadly society doesn’t agree with disabled people who don’t look disabled not holding a 9-5 so I spend my life pretending I’m not who I am and that I don’t have massive struggles existing just to keep people off my back. That includes my own parents.