If you have a sibling you have zero respect for due to their choices do you have a relationship with them ?

[pumpkinpie01]

My sister has been treated like crap by her boyfriend ( 18 years her junior) for the majority of their 4 year relationship. His behaviour at Xmas was spectacularly bad - disappeared for a week , came back and took their son to his parents for a week. They subsequently split up, she promised me that was definitely it and they would not be getting back together. And yet here we are lo and behold she is back with him , I'm so cross with her I literally have zero respect for her now and don't even want to speak to her. Really it has no baring on my life I'm just struggling to be friendly with someone who is a complete idiot basically ! Anyone been in a similar situation?

I’ve gone low contact with a friend because of her constant relationship drama with her DS’s dad. He’s cheated on her, beaten her up, emotionally abused her, kept her dangling on a string, I’ve been there for her throughout all of it but she kept taking him back even when social services got involved after the police came when he’d beaten her up. They’re still together and he’s still doing the same old stuff and yes I’ve lost all respect for her because she still believes he’s the love of her life, soulmates and they’re going to be so together forever etc. It’s incredibly draining to listen to it day in day out and give advice, wipe tears etc.

She sounds so irresponsible I’m not surprised you’ve had enough of it and have lost respect.

Did nobody report her for leaving them alone for that long?

Yes. My brother is a cocaine addict and serial abuser of women (financial and emotional, not physical to my knowledge, but nothing would surprise me). I am NC.

I didn't respond last night as my phone got water damaged 😫 it seems better now thank god. Like a few of you have said about friends you lose respect for them when they repeatedly take back a bloke that's no good for them, that's how I feel. When I advised that she give men a break and just concentrate on the kids she just ignored me ,it was as if I hadn't spoke. Yea I agree with the age gap comments it is creepy. He is a very immature 24 yr old too hence why he is always messaging other women. She moved him in without asking the kids their opinion and she had only been with him 4 months , what 14 year old girl ( her daughter) wants to live with a bloke a few years older that she barely knows! Just one example of putting her own wants before her kids. My DH asked me if she wasn't my sister would we be friends I had a good think and felt bit sad saying no actually I really don't think we would be.

It's hard for you OP because no one could blame you for not wanting to keep a relationship with your sister (she sounds quite unloveable) but I guess you do still care/are very worried about her children. Can you hold on to some sort of relationship for their sakes? When they are adults hopefully you can have a relationship with them independent of your sister.

2 of them are adults now (18 & 21) and I have a great relationship with them , I can't see that will ever change. I just wish she would spend more time with her dc instead of concentrating on a bloke who treats her terribly. She hasn't told me she is back with him , she must know what my thoughts on it is.

It's lovely that you have a good relationship with her older kids, I'd keep nursing that because you may have to be (if you're willing) a sort of surrogate, back up Mum to them.

They're getting to moving out for uni/work/flat share etc age so that's a good thing - because at least they can have their own space, without the 24 yr old "step dad" in it, if they want.

She's unlikely to.chsbge if she hasn't changed by 42 (if that's right?).

All you can do is support your nieces and nephews.

Do you think she has a personality disorder?

Moving a 20 year old young man into your home a few months into seeing him and having a baby with him within a couple of years (esp with your older kids in the home) is very strange, decidedly irresponsible behaviour.

I think you posted about her before when she got pregnant by him, it's ringing bells.

*nurturing, not nursing

Did she have a huge blow to her self esteem etc in the breakup of he'd first relationship with the father of her older kids? She sounds desperate for validation, desperate not to be single ... With getting involved with (and pregnant by) eg a young man who are not much more than a child and being straight on online dating the second they have apparently broken up.

I don't know if counselling would help her ... Tbh suspect it's her personality and it may not.

Incidentally cheating is never ok, but FFS what does she expect from a very young man who's not had a normal early twenties dating etc life, instead he's been with a woman who is technically old enough to be his mother from just past his teenage years .... That's not going to work in 99% of cases. It's not actually fair on him (either)

I have up trying to have a relationship with my sister. For the last seven years she's only contacted me when she needs money and it was always me going to see her, ringing her, texting her, taking her food when she couldn't afford it etc etc. I haven't spoken to her for about a year now other than her texting me saying she owes me a birthday present (that was July) and that last conversation was her buttering me up to then ask if I would be a guarantor for a payday loan. I give up. Her phone has been with her 18 year son for most of the time and when I rang/texted at Christmas he didn't bother to tell her. I tried messaging her on Facebook a week ago because I need to know if my nephew is still coming to our wedding but no response. She makes herself uncontactable and then moans no one contacts her 🤷. She's bled my mum dry financially. Her financial issues have been going on for years and years, always the same loop. She never learns.

@MarshmallowAra , yes I did post when she was pregnant, there was an almighty bust up then and that's when her 2 oldest moved in with me. The oldest one hasn't lived with her since , although their relationship is ok.

@delilahbucket omg that sounds very very tough and so frustrating. I'm not surprised you are nc.@MarshmallowAra she ended the marriages to the fathers of the oldest 3 dc. I just wished she would be single and do stuff with her dc , her dd is a lovely teenager and they do nothing together but she will find time to do stuff with a bloke that treats her like crap. There was no need to move him in , no need to get pregnant they were never going to live happily ever after.