Emotional affair caught by husband

[brownbeauty]

Exchanged some very light hearted flirting with a guy who found me on an app that many ppl use and needs no personal details like phone number or email..
he eventually tracked me down to Facebook and found out where I worked n family etc etc..
He was adamant he was in love with me..
I chatted to him to as a friend only but he was not satisfied with just friendly talks..
Sent him a few non risky pix..
Called him a few times
He took screenshots without my permission of the video calls which were when I was cooking or just doing nothing..
So anyway...
He said he wanted more or he would tell my husband...
I started taking screenshots of chats..
so I told my husband instead
But since June last year I have been emotionally involved with a guy.. nothing dirty.. nothing rude.. just hi hello how's ur day how's family how's work what did u eat etc etc.. it's very very close to love but still so far..
Anyway after I told my husband about the harassment he asked for my phone so I ha see it over having already checked it for traces of my emotional affair..
Well I forgot that Google pictures also backs up hidden pictures..
And husband saw his pix.. again all normal gym related and just random food n tattoo ideas that I asked him for...
Now husband has made me block and delete him...
But I'm struggling so bad to not think of him...
I think not being able to contact him has made me miss him more..
God knows what state his mind must be in to have me suddenly disappear from all social media where we were connected...
husband made me deactivate all accounts from everywhere...
God I just miss the chats we used to have about all n sundry...
I have two pix that husband hasn't noticed...
After I blocked and deleted him husband used his own fb account to find him and get his number to call him to find out the extent of our relationship ... this was from my phone so again I have his number in my list of last dialled...
I don't know how that conversation went as husband won't tell me...
I'm happy with husband but we just don't have the type of talks that keep my mind busy anymore..
I miss my emotional guy like crazy and keep thinking how he must be feeling to have me suddenly gone....
so sad.....

Do you OH a favour and end your marriage. Marriage is for people who are loyal and committed.

I’m confused, is this all the same man or two different men?

I think your marriage is over.

You seem to spend far too much time thinking about, and getting in touch with, other men. And your DH is (understandably, perhaps) jealous and suspicious.

There's little trust or mutual respect there it seems. It's also telling that you are for yourself and obsessing over how your emotional guy must feel.

It doesn't seem to have occurred to you to wonder whether your DH is gutted to find out you've been contacting blokes behind his back. You don't appear to give a shit about his feelings.

Husband is not totally in the clear either...
He is still in 'friendly talks' with an ex from over 22 years ago...!!

The harassing guy is one...
The emotional affair guy is another...

As a matter of interest, if you discovered you DH was doing some very lighthearted flirting with someone he'd found on an app, then accepted FB chats with the woman and sent her pics how would you feel?

If it then turned out he'd been having an emotional affair with a different woman for the past 9 months would you be ok with that?

Or would you actually feel that he'd been cheating on you?

It's super duper time to end your marriage.

Husband is still connected to his ex from 22 years ago and I learnt to live with that 5 years ago...
he does not keep contact with her daily..
They are a part of a school friends reunited group chat..
it's such a mess....!!!!

Time to get out of your marriage for both of your sakes. Let your husband free and yourself free to find people more compatible.

Why does your husband having friends give you permission to have an affair?

DH and I are both still friends with exes. we both understand each other's friendship with our exes and it is a non-issue for us.
Your trying to say he is not in the clear for being in touch with an ex, to me, seems to be on a totally different scale to the two scenarios you have got yourself involved with.
Even with the first guy you were obviously keen enough to be having video calls etc, enjoying the attention despite his stalkery actions, until he threatened to tell your H.
It does sound like it is time for some soul searching on your part, whether you still love your husband or if you would both be better off to call it a day.
I would be devastated if my OH behaved as you have - why did you do it?

It is a mess, you’re right. What’s the point of the marriage??

Leave. You're clearly not happy with your husband, otherwise you wouldn't be seeking what you are with the other man.
Being friendly with an ex from 22 years ago is different than an emotional affair.

Your husband is still friends with an ex. Which he's open about.

You've been having an emotional affair and got too involved with someone you met online.

I don't think the two situations are equal.

But regardless, you don't seem to love your DH enough to be able to be emotionally faithful to him. So do him a favour and split.

Your poor DH. You need to decide whether or not you want to put effort into re-establishing you marriage. His friendship with an ex is neither here nor there and in no way excuses your deliberate cheating. Are you trying to goad him into leaving? If so, the right thing to do would be to bite the bullet and end things yourself.

It sounds like something is missing in your life and this is just a symptom.
What can you do to change that? I think you should see a therapist. Also look up limerence and see if it fits

So you’ve got involved with two separate men. Why don’t you split up with your husband instead of taking the piss out of him. You clearly can’t be happy with him.

@Annettebee

It sounds like something is missing in your life and this is just a symptom. What can you do to change that? I think you should see a therapist. Also look up limerence and see if it fits

Thank you for this reply... I'm so close to giving up on my life just for the sake of feeling lost... We have two wonderful kids and a great life outside of our mess ups.... going to start sorting out my marriage right now... husband is a good guy and is not worth giving up at all...

I find it worrying that you don't think its fucking creepy that this bloke tracked you down [hmm
Do your DH s favour and leave, a school friends group is not comparable.

So as I read it, you wanted you husband to sort out the guy you meet on 'an app' who was harassing you but he accidentally discovered your emotional affair with another guy, which you were hoping to continue. You're aware I hope how fucked up this must be for your husband? And you're there working about how the affair guy is feeling?

You sound like a bit of an arsehole OP. Why don't you finish your marriage or ask about an open marriage if it's impossible for you not to flirt and affairs, emotional or otherwise? You're still being very me, me, me even now. Either make a decision to work on your marriage or leave.

What app did you meet the first guy on? And how did you meet the 2nd one?
This doesn't happen naturally twice in a row unless you're going looking for it to fill a void.

If it was innocent with the 1st guy, why hide it from your DP in first place?? You were also clearly leading the first "stalker" on and encouraging him so your hardly a victim.

If a guy randomly stalked me down and wanted more than friendship I'd block him. I wouldn't start sending pics (risky or not) and having long video calls while I'm cooking. Hardly sounds like you're an innocent party in the first scenario never mind the 2nd

You sound ridiculously immature “husbands still chatting to ex for 22 years ago, so I’m completely justified in having an emotional affair with this man”

Get a grip and end your marriage. You can’t be trusted and you don’t trust your husband. Why put either of you through the shit?!

Compelling.

This is not healthy for either of you. Emotional cheating is still cheating. It's over.

Your husband deserves better.

Your first post is all about you and the guy you had your emotional affair with.. how does he feel..what is he thinking? What about your husband? How do you think he feels?

Even when you talk about working on your marriage is not because you say you love him it's because he's nice and an implied "I don't want to give up my lifestyle ".