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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex boyfriend says he misses me and things have been hard but hasn't outrightly said he wants to be with me again. Advice?

68 replies

miamichill · 13/05/2021 05:24

Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative?'

He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me.

OP posts:

MindtheBelleek · 13/05/2021 09:44

@Okaythenno

Is this the same wannabe doctor you've been asking the same questions about for months?

If he were interested you'd be together. He's stringing you along, and you are letting him. Cut him loose and block. There is absolutely nothing for you to mention, you're just looking for excuses to keep contact.

Oh, no, you're that OP, with the medical student who has never seemed remotely into you, and was given to pompous announcements about how he's decide whether you were exclusive or not after his exams, as if you had no input, while you posted increasingly desperately about whether him phoning his parents less often and inviting you to a ball was a sign you were in fact his girlfriend, even though he wouldn't say so? And after all that angst broke up with you anyway, and that kept contacting you to moan about how hard it's been for him?

OP, this isn't even flogging a dead horse, it's flogging a horse that has been dead so long its skeleton has disintegrated. This man is a disaster, moany, indecisive and up himself, and you at least from your threads about him are clingy, deluded and desperately seizing on the remotest indication that he gives a fig for your welfare, far less is interested in a relationship.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to block him, never give him another thought, and get yourself a good counsellor and work on why you re like this.

WaterBottle123 · 13/05/2021 09:59

Oh crap it's the wanky twat face doctor guy again?

I'm out. OP never listens,

MindtheBelleek · 13/05/2021 10:00

Oh crap it's the wanky twat face doctor guy again?

Got it in one, @WaterBottle123

Eekaboo · 13/05/2021 10:01

Move on. You're worth more than half and half platitudes.

Hoppinggreen · 13/05/2021 10:02

[quote miamichill]@Inthesameboatatmo no abuse or anything that you mentioned no. Although, as he said at times he thought I was a bit short tempered. But it was more of being a female, jumping to conclusions and being a bit confrontational. We never argued in person. It was more over text when things were stressful and when I felt he was sort of pulling away.[/quote]
What do you mean “being a female”?
Did he want you to be Male?

Rainbowqueeen · 13/05/2021 10:03

If he really wanted to be with you he would say so.
Get angry and block him. How dare he waste your time like this if he doesn’t know what he wants. Complete lack of respect for you and your feelings. Time to move on and find someone who appreciates you

Noshowlomo · 13/05/2021 10:04

He sounds super flakey and who has got time for that? I hate people like this.

MindtheBelleek · 13/05/2021 10:06

Not to derail, but I really hope this guy is a better doctor than he is a sort-of boyfriend. Because I'd hate to be on the table if Dr Moany McIndecisive was poking around in my innards.

WaterBottle123 · 13/05/2021 10:09

@MindtheBelleek

Didn't they speed up doctor qualification during the pandemic?

Could explain how this guy got something in his life over the line....

Dozer · 15/05/2021 07:17

Oh no, you’re THAT poster! Avoid the loser and don’t even date at all until you’ve ‘worked on yourself’ with respect to relationships!

IND1A · 15/05/2021 10:55

@Wiredforsound

He’s bored and looking for attention. He’s just dangling you on a string. Seriously, there’s a gajillion more men out there. You don’t need this flappy mess of a thing. If he wanted to be with you he’d be with you. He’s had 6 months to make up his mind.

This. He’s bored and is looking for a FWB.

And also this

The best thing you can do for yourself is to block him, never give him another thought, and get yourself a good counsellor and work on why you re like this

OccaChocca · 15/05/2021 11:03

Sounds like he wants you back but you ignored him for two months so he's probably scared to mention it for fear of being rebuffed.

You need to get on with it. Either try again or walk away and don't contact again. Don't waste time playing games.

Why don't you give it another go? If you are prone to text disputes then stop texting!

Cowbells · 15/05/2021 11:10

You were only together for one year. That's still the honeymoon period when you both idealise each other and are so excited by plans for the future. If it's hard work that early on, you're not compatible.

ClarkeGriffin · 15/05/2021 15:54

Tell him you desperately want him back and will do anything. That's what you want do.

MindtheBelleek · 15/05/2021 15:57

@ClarkeGriffin

Tell him you desperately want him back and will do anything. That's what you want do.

Well, it didn't work last time, when from what I remember the OP meekly waited about until he had finished his exams so that he could give his mind properly to the weighty question of whether he wanted to think of her as his girlfriend or not, while posting desperately on here about whether him phoning his parents less often or being invited to a ball was an indication of whether they were in a relationship.

litterbird · 15/05/2021 17:00

Op this is the doctor man again! I get really confused with your doctor boyfriends as I seem to remember you had one in March too you posted about. We have given you tons of advise over this year about your beaus but you dont seem to want to listen. You really are flogging a dead horse on this one. Can you not stop with all of this and stay away from the medical profession? It would call a halt to all this angst and constant posting on MN time after time with another doctor problem. I would personally stay away from this one despite his protestations of missing you....move on and away from the medical soap operas.

ClarkeGriffin · 15/05/2021 19:59

@MindtheBelleek

No matter what anyone tells her, she isn't going to listen. Either a bored kid or someone who is so blindly in love they won't listen to any advice. Can just tell them anything, won't make any difference.

DPotter · 15/05/2021 23:36

So he's now qualified.

He's just filling in time until F1 placements start in August. The man isn't going to know what's hit him when he starts his F1 placements. If he didn't have time for you properly before qualification, as surely as eggs is eggs, he isn't going to have time in F1. He may be moving away for at least a year, so you may have that to contend with as well.

Pls trust me on this - met my DP when he was a medical student and his pre-reg year was very stressful for us both - he working all hours, long distance relationship, me taking exams. Even pretty solid relationships don't always survive pre-reg or F1 as it's now called. I know several marriages that never recovered.

Litterbird - it's only the one boyfriend, same one each time. Must be 3rd or 4th thread about him now. Same problems, given same advice. each time.

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