He struggles to get an erection and keep it

[Singvi]

When me and DH were ttc he struggled to keep an erection. Our DD is now 5 months old and last night we tried to have sex for the first time after giving birth. He struggled to get an erection and when he went he got soft after a few seconds. He got abit upset and kept apologising so we stopped trying and we had a cuddle and I reassured him that it's ok and he didn't need to apologise, he then got hard again which was strange but we had sex and it lasted about 5 minutes.

Has anyone got any advice or tips on how to improve this? Or has anyone experienced this?

Also, I should add that when we were ttc he had tests done and they all came back fine.

Does he watch a lot of porn?

Performance anxiety is a self fulfilling thing.
His erection has failed in the past so he is anxious that it won’t last. The anxiety causes him to lose his erection and so it goes.
If he has seen his GP and there is nothing physically wrong, counseling Or an intimacy consultant may help.

I’d guess that, by reassuring him and just cuddling, you took some of the pressure off him which meant he could get an erection.

Most advice I’ve read suggests taking the pressure off (for both of you) by, for example, massaging each other, with no expectations that it’ll go further. He just needs to get some confidence back.

@Mintjulia no he doesn't watch porn

@Weenurse that's what I think as when he was more relaxed he got hard again and we had sex. This morning he also thanked me for not getting annoyed when he lost the election as he said his ex used to and she refused to have sex with him.

When it happened once with my boyfriend and he got upset with himself (we had been drinking), I told him it wasn't a big deal, that for a woman that is just one part of sex and that he is very good at pleasing me in other ways!

This morning he also thanked me for not getting annoyed when he lost the election

Is his name Kier by any chance?

Thanks for your replies. I think I'll make sure I'm not putting any pressure on him and hopefully that'll work when he's more relaxed etc.

@Hont1986

This morning he also thanked me for not getting annoyed when he lost the election

Is his name Kier by any chance?

Oops autocorrect

OP this has been going on with him for a long time by the sounds of it as it happened with his ex as well. Has he done anything about it for example spoken to his GP?

@username12345T

OP this has been going on with him for a long time by the sounds of it as it happened with his ex as well. Has he done anything about it for example spoken to his GP?

Yes, he spoke to his gp when we were ttc as he couldn't get an erection but all the tests were fine and In the end we decided to not track anything so there wasn't any pressure on either of us and I then found out I was pregnant and we had sex whilst I was pregnant and it was fine but yesterday was the first time since I gave birth to DD so I think he might've been nervous.

As others say, once the fear of failure gets in your head, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy

Maybe some low dose over the counter viagra might help in the short run

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/viag-ppc.html

As others say, once the fear of failure gets in your head, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy

Maybe some low dose over the counter viagra might help in the short run

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/viag-ppc.html

Stupid phone, don’t know why that appeared twice

You could get some low dose viagra, to help with confidence,

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/erectile-dysfunction-v.html

Them just more regular sex to keep things ticking along

You could get some low dose viagra, to help with confidence,

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/erectile-dysfunction-v.html

Them just more regular sex to keep things ticking along

Maybe some low dose viagra to get some confidence back ?

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/viag-ppc.html

Then more regular sex to keep things moving along

What did he think of the lasting five minutes- did he mention it, or is that normal for him?

I've had a lot of partners with sexual dysfunction. I don't think it's personal.

With one of my exes, it got that I'd forgotten what good/real sex was like (I'm actually a big fan of PIV.) I got used to the dreadful sex. Then at one point I remembered... I cheated and dumped him a few months after that.

As others say, once the fear of failure gets in your head, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy

This, it happened to us a couple of years ago following a pregnancy scare, DH became very worried about unplanned pregnancy.

I went back on the pill and it's all fine now, agree about regular sex helping so it doesn't become a big deal.

Yeah this is obviously performance anxiety, no doubt he has a severe case If his ex refused to have sex with him because of it. Happens to all of us men sometimes, as you have discovered, the way forward is not to worry him about it, be sympathetic and reassuring and normal service will be resumed. And regular sex does help partly to build his confidence but also because if you go too long without you start to worry about coming too quickly and that also makes it more difficult to get an erection.

OP DH has used Viagra and Cialis in the past to help with this. However be aware that they have side effects which for DH were intolerable so we stopped since our last baby and not needing to ttc anymore.

Never mind people asking about porn - it's really nasty. You would never get someone making sneery remarks anout female sexual performance like that. Erectile dysfunction has lots of causes, in my DH case it's physical and cannot be helped.

Never mind people asking about porn - it's really nasty. You would never get someone making sneery remarks anout female sexual performance like that.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff I don't think people mean it that way. It's just that we see a fair few threads on here where the men are compulsive porn watchers to the extent that it effects their performance with their partners. It does happen, so that's why someone asked.

Not that I think it happens to be the case in this case.

@Singvi Remember you don't have to put up with everything for ever just to be nice, or even put up with it being fairly common but not quite every time. If something gets too much for you then that's ok-- we don't exist just to soothe men's egoes.

It maybe is something he had a problem with regularly in thee past and that's why his ex got annoyed.

Are you sure he doesn't watch porn? That's currently the most common cause of ED. Is it possible that while you were pregnant/post partum he started watching it?

There's actually quite a few mechanical things that this could be. Erectile dysfunction is more common than most people realise & it could be hormonal (often related to stress), arterial, related to the prostate, lots of things really. It'd be a good idea to get it checked out if it's more than a one off. You can get penile ultrasounds and all sorts these days to check blood flow & the health of the prostate, ejaculatory fluid, etc, that can quickly alert uncover problems. It's not always psychological or related to porn but lots of people often jump to that conclusion.