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Original poster

Boyfriend laughed at me during sex!

72 replies

Canadadarling · 12/05/2021 02:55

Me and my BF generally have a low sex drive, we can do it once a month no problem, but we are currently ttc so we've kind of been made to up our game and do it on the right days. Anyway so this brings us to tonight, the 3rd and final day of sex for my fertile window and we were both tired and not really feeling it but wanted to try anyway to give us the best chances. I sat on top of him and started kissing him but we both couldn't stop laughing together because it felt so awkward and forced so i wasnt sure how to initiate it properly and hes like 'omg youre so awkward have you never initiated this before?' which was fair enough because i wasn't feeling in the mood, but this comment still hurt a little bit.
After we laughed for a bit i got serious and carried on with the kissing, kissing his stomach, moving my hands down.. but each time i could hear/feel him laughing softly. Not a full on laugh but a soft one and it definitely felt like he was laughing at me which got me so upset :( this just set me off and made me feel super embarrassed because why would you laugh at someone in that situation??

Now im completely overthinking things and wondering if hes ever really turned on by the things i do or if he has laughed at me this whole time because of how bad and 'awkward' i am. Plus im already insecure because in his past hes slept with 50+ people and i dont even want to know where i compare on that list, but times like this make me think it must be pretty low :/ Not to mention the fact that we've now missed the last day to BD so i am a wreck hoping we havent screwed up our chances this month. EURGH

OP posts:

PinotPony · 12/05/2021 09:10

Laughter during sex is good and perfectly normal. It sounds like he just carried on chuckling after you'd stopped laughing. That doesn't equate to him laughing at you or thinking that you're awkward at initiating sex. Your reaction is because of your own insecurities and sounds completely unfounded.

I have to agree with PPs that have questioned the stability of your relationship. If your immediate reaction to him laughing is to feel insecure, that doesn't bode well for the future. You'll need all the humour you can muster when you both have a baby to deal with.

Perhaps tell him how you feel? Does he know that you feel insecure about him?

Mytym · 12/05/2021 09:11

What caught my attention was you were kissing his stomach. This is a tickly area and sends my bf in to fits of giggles.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2021 10:11

Op,I mean this politely but are you really thirty and together five years? It makes no sense that he’d ask you “have you never initiated this before”.

Are you much younger and trying to conceive with someone you’ve not been in a relationship with long?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/05/2021 10:19

I'd say he was laughing from awkwardness tbh. Having sex when neither of you feels like it is an awkward situation, and rather than saying "This is quite uncomfortable, isn't it?" he went for a nervous giggle.

It does sound unusual that you only have sex once a month, yet your sex life is amazing, and he has 50 previous partners. I would guess that figure is inflated, and maybe neither of you are Sex People in reality, which is fine if your drives match.

Sisisimone · 12/05/2021 10:23

Having sex once a month isn't an amazing sex life for me. I think you both need to address the low sex drives
Why should they? OP said they are both happy with once a month. Why should they change something that they're happy with just because YOU wouldn't be happy with it. Its unbelievable the amount of people on MN unable to comprehend people do things differently to themselves. And quantity doesn't mean quality. You could be having sex 10 times a day, doesn't mean you've got a good sex life, could be 10 unsatisfactory bangs. Would much rather have great sex once a month than shit sex every day.

OP it sounds like he got the giggles same as you but just couldn't snap out of it. The inappropriateness of him giggling will have made it worse. Its a really common thing and could happen to anyone. Just talk to him about it instead if dwelling on it.

delilahbucket · 12/05/2021 10:29

Sorry OP but stop trying to have a baby with someone you are not comfortable with. He probably wasn't laughing at you, but your insecurities are eating away at you and this is not going to get any better. If anything, it will start to get to things in other aspects of your relationship. What will happen when you're in labour and you think he's looking at you funny? Or you are thinking you are ruined after pregnancy and childbirth and he'll never want to look at you again?

dottiedodah · 12/05/2021 10:33

I find it strange that you have an "amazing" sex life ,yet only seem to be able to do it monthly! If you are trying to conceive just on your fertile window that can put stress on a RL for sure . Maybe he just got the giggles and couldnt stop,maybe he was being unkind ? Who knows . Maybe just say to him you didnt appreciate it and move on .Try to have sex more spontaneously if you can

Schrutesbeets · 12/05/2021 10:34

It doesn't sound like you're very happy and / or comfortable in your relationship.
Why are his past sexual partners a 'horrible thought'?
How do you have an 'amazing sex life' but only have sex once a month.
Why are you actually ttc?
It doesn't sound like you're that compatible.

autumnalrain · 12/05/2021 10:46

How can you say ‘our sex life is amazing’ if you have sex once a month? It’s clearly not amazing.

timeisnotaline · 12/05/2021 11:26

@AgathaAllAlong

I disagree with people saying that having a great sex life and it being only once a month is incompatible, even if he did have loads of partners in the past. Say he started having sex at 15 and met the OP at 25, that's "only" 5 partners a year (on the perhaps dodgy assumption that he didn't have other long term relationships!). Perhaps more realistically, one one night stand a month from like 20 to 25. Or maybe he's lying. Do agree with people saying I'd want to know what the deal was, but doesn't mean that they are incompatible. Perhaps he's calmed down now he's hit 30.

On MN when a woman says DP wants more sex than her, the answer is incompatible: leave. When she wants more sex than him, incompatible: leave. And now when they want same sex but only once a month that's a problem too! What, are you all at it twice a week in perfect harmonious agreement?

Once a month is perfectly fine if suits you both! But if it’s what suits him and he’s had 50 partners and he’s 25 something is very odd. He slept with a different person every month, one time per person, for... 5 years? Didn’t want to spend any more time with any of them? None of them wanted to spend more time with him? It shouts weirdo much louder than it shouts great relationship or sex skills personally! Much more likely that: he’s slept with less than 50, more than once for some/ many, likes it more than once a month, so there’s a sex drive mismatch, and no idea how good he is in bed.

mcmooberry · 12/05/2021 11:46

I seem to remember this happening to us when TTC - 3 bars on the fertility monitor so had to go for it in spite of not really being in the mood, and ended up laughing and being unable to continue - for a while, I was not missing a 3 bar day.

Try not to worry, he was laughing at the situation, not you!

Kona84 · 12/05/2021 12:03

We laugh at each other all the time.
I actually try to make him laugh to relax him a bit.
It is stressful trying to TTC and have sex at just the right time.
I would say let him laugh I’m sure it wasn’t about anything you were doing.

I am currently pregnant and the last time we had sex before conceiving was 2 days before my peak Ovualtion test. I thought I was out too.

CaraherEIL · 12/05/2021 12:06

I really wouldn’t be too worried, if you are doing something where you both feel awkward and start laughing and then you try and regroup and do it seriously but the other person can’t reset so keeps feeling the awkward giggly thing then that’s really normal. I don’t think it was meant hurtfully he just couldn’t get in the zone. Trying to conceive creates such a weird serious pressure around sex anyway I think try to just laugh this one off! In the nicest way possible. Imagine it more as if you were trying to learn a new dance together and both got awkward and started to have the giggles and one of you tried to get serious but the other couldn’t. I think it’s genuinely more that and not about you. I think try and keep it light because you are both under more pressure trying to conceive already without creating tension around sex itself.

OllyBJolly · 12/05/2021 12:17

OP, you're only 22, had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and already doing all the TTC testing. You don't sound as if you're in a relationship that is secure enough for the stresses involved.

You're young - there's no big hurry to rush into this. Spend some time enjoying life.

BlackCatShadow · 12/05/2021 12:29

@Bluntness100

Op,I mean this politely but are you really thirty and together five years? It makes no sense that he’d ask you “have you never initiated this before”.

Are you much younger and trying to conceive with someone you’ve not been in a relationship with long?

She has posted before that she is 22 and her partner is 30, so I guess this may be right.

I don't get why the OP is so desperate to have a baby at such a young age.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2021 14:08

Ah, ok thanks, yes I suspected she was much younger.

Op how long have you been with this man? It’s not five years is it?

mainsfed · 12/05/2021 17:01

You seem very defensive, OP. First you say you both have low sex drives and do it once a month and you never initiate it and in the next breath, that your sex life is amazing and that he’s had 50 partners!

Are you 30 or 22?

Whydidimarryhim · 12/05/2021 18:34

I’m always wary of the night time post but op may not be from uk.
She’s not come back though.
Lots of helpful comments OP - 50 is a lot - why so many - is he unable to maintain a relationship - does he have a sex and love addiction?

CutieBear · 12/05/2021 19:03

How is your sex life “amazing” if you only have sex once a month? You’re obviously not sexually attracted to each other. You sound really distant, not even friends. I’m not sure why you’d want to bring a baby into this cold relationship.

CutieBear · 12/05/2021 19:08

Also, are you 22 or 30? Have you really been together for 5 years?

GroovyPeanut · 12/05/2021 19:30

@SpanielSprint

You were 22 and with bf for around a year in a recent post so I agree with pp and would put off TTC for a few years until you have a more secure relationship. Bet you won’t though ☹️

I had an idea it was more this scenario. God knows why people do this kind of thing. Seems weird 🙄

Zerrin13 · 12/05/2021 22:24

22 and having sex once a month!! I wouldn't even bother if that's all that was on offer! Stop being ridiculous and forget about babies. You don't fancy each other one bit.

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