Boyfriend laughed at me during sex!

[Canadadarling]

Me and my BF generally have a low sex drive, we can do it once a month no problem, but we are currently ttc so we've kind of been made to up our game and do it on the right days. Anyway so this brings us to tonight, the 3rd and final day of sex for my fertile window and we were both tired and not really feeling it but wanted to try anyway to give us the best chances. I sat on top of him and started kissing him but we both couldn't stop laughing together because it felt so awkward and forced so i wasnt sure how to initiate it properly and hes like 'omg youre so awkward have you never initiated this before?' which was fair enough because i wasn't feeling in the mood, but this comment still hurt a little bit.
After we laughed for a bit i got serious and carried on with the kissing, kissing his stomach, moving my hands down.. but each time i could hear/feel him laughing softly. Not a full on laugh but a soft one and it definitely felt like he was laughing at me which got me so upset :( this just set me off and made me feel super embarrassed because why would you laugh at someone in that situation??

Now im completely overthinking things and wondering if hes ever really turned on by the things i do or if he has laughed at me this whole time because of how bad and 'awkward' i am. Plus im already insecure because in his past hes slept with 50+ people and i dont even want to know where i compare on that list, but times like this make me think it must be pretty low :/ Not to mention the fact that we've now missed the last day to BD so i am a wreck hoping we havent screwed up our chances this month. EURGH

I have to admit I’m stuck on our sex life is amazing, and we do it once a month. (Plus he’s had lots of partners) Are those statements compatible?
They are if both parties are happy with the arrangement. I’m probably biased because I understand this situation more, I’ve had a LOT more partners than my other half, however my sex drive absolutely dwindled just as we got together. Not a reflection on him at all, I fancy the bones of him and when we do have sex it’s amazing, but it’s not often, maybe once a month, sometime more. He is happy as he has a fairly low sex drive too.

The laughing, as others have said he could have taken longer to snap out of it than you did. I do think you need to have shit hot communication when it comes to this kind of thing especially when you’re not having sex regularly. Because the awkwardness can get in the way when you’ve not done it for a while and if you don’t talk it can become a bigger thing than it needs to be.

Just talk to him OP. And definitely stop putting so much pressure on the certain days and times to conceive, you both need to be in the mood and enjoy intimate moments, not feel forced and pressured as that just heightens the awkwardness you’re feeling.

Trying to be sexy when you're not in the mood is quite funny though. Don't take it seriously. We laugh a lot during sex. If you're ttc just do what needs to be done.
There's a lovely line in the Ben Elton film Maybe Baby (also a book, which was called Inconceivable) where the couple are ttc. The upshot is he (Hugh Laurie) is not getting aroused and she (Joely Richardson) all wide eyed and innocent, asks if he'd like her to 'breathe some life into it'. Brilliant film which cleverly put humour into a tricky subject.
But I have been known to use that line. I definitely lightens the mood. Good luck!

It sounds as though you both had the fit of the giggles and he couldn't snap out of it! Which happens when people are put under pressure. I can't relax into sex unless I'm in the mood:
Yous need to start having fun not putting pressure on each other ttc it's not fun for everyone! What happens if it takes a year to conceive?? Having sex once a month isn't an amazing sex life for me. I think you both need to address the low sex drives.

Ttc is a bit if a pain in the ass sometimes as you have to try and force yourself to get in thr mood more often than normal. As you both have a low sex drive that's more pronounced for you.
Don't worry about it.
When me and my dh were ttc we had some amazing sex but from tracking I know the actual times I concieved were all shit, we're not into this, let's just get it over with sex. For all 3 of our kids!
If you're upset just tell him, if he says "oh I'm sorry babe I was just struggling to snap out of the giggles and get in the mood" then alls good.

Over 50 partners by the age of 25??

Gee. He sounds such a catch 🙄

He might have been feeling a bit embarrassed just as you were. t could be nervous laughter that something usually spontaneous was a bit forced. If he doesn't usually laugh at you then no reason to think that;s what he was doing.

You're overthinking, imo. Little giggles at the awkwardness are absolutely fine. Sex isn't this hallowed place where all must kow-tow to its significance!

@MuddySocks

Over 50 partners by the age of 25??

Gee. He sounds such a catch 🙄

Just what I was thinking!

OP, just because he has been with a lot of people (if he's not inflating it - lots of people do), doesn't mean that he "knows" sex better than you or has any better understanding. I do wonder how many of those were drunken one nighters rather than an actual relationship where he got to know people proplerly.

He might have also felt awkward, so could it have been a nervous kind of laughter? Taking the focus off himself?

I think whatever it was you should talk to him - that's the only way to really know. It's important to tell him how it made you feel. If you are trying to bring a child into the world with this man then you should feel comfortable talking to him directly about things like this.

Do you believe the 50 partners by 25? Because even if he starts at 15 that’s 5/year for 10 years? Which suggests he’s never had a serious relationship before meeting you and that all the sex he’s had has been ONS or short flings?

Anyway, as you are convinced that all is usually well in your sex life I think he probably just had a fit of the giggles and couldn’t stop. I can see why it made you feel awkward but as everything is otherwise perfect why worry?

But the pp is right, you don't sound (emotionally) intimate yet and like you fully understand each other, seems risky to be committing to parenthood and an 18y+ relationship just now.

Exactly.

Why would you want to have a baby in this situation?

So he's only your boyfriend and you've jumped steps ahead to conceive? When after 5 years he hasn't committed to you? Are you working? Will you go back to work after? Because unless you marry, you're screwed if something happens and you break up (it seems if he's had as many women as you say, that increases the chances of him being with someone else). It's one thing if you had an accident and got pregnant, but to deliberately try while not even engaged, let alone married is setting yourself up for trouble. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, you only have to read the accounts of posters on here who were only living with their boyfriend/partner and he left and she is now entitled to 1 fifths of F all. Please believe I am not judging you I'm just saying you want to get that security first, bringing a child into an uncommitted relationship, knowingly, is not wise. So many posters have come on here, and their financial lives are a mess. Because they believed they didn't need that piece of paper. There is a reason marriage gives all the legal protections and benefits that living together doesn't.

You are perfectly entitled to post here OP of course, that’s what it’s for, and nobody is holding a gun to the respondent’s heads forcing them to reply.

However (and I mean this really kindly) I am wondering what you are hoping to get out of this particular post. You say your sex life is amazing and you are really happy in this relationship and he is definitely the man for you. So surely then this incident is nothing to worry about? (Apart from the missed chance to TTC, but you just have to let that go really).

Laughing during sex is fine - my bf deliberately says lines during it to try and make me laugh sometimes - and we will veer between being all kind of serious, and having fits of the giggles. Sex has lots of potential to be quite funny, when you think about it......

As for his previous partners, this wouldn’t be a red flag for me (I know that number is for some), but then, nor would it worry me or make me feel insecure. In fact, I prefer it when my partner has had quite a high number of previous partners. What stands out to me is that you seem to feel that insecurity about this is inevitable. It isn’t. So that could perhaps be a sign that this isn’t the ideal relationship for you?

Of course, no relationship is perfect. If yours is good in most or all other regards, I imagine this disparity is one you can learn to get beyond......

You were 22 and with bf for around a year in a recent post so I agree with pp and would put off TTC for a few years until you have a more secure relationship. Bet you won’t though ☹️

People often laugh when they feel anxious or a bit nervous. You were laughing not long before so I don't think you should be upset/angry that he didn't start taking it seriously at exactly the same minute you did.

TTC sex if often not the best, I wouldn't over think it unless it is a pattern of behaviour in which case I would stop TTC.

[quote Canadadarling]@HidingFromTheChildren absolutely not. He is the right man for me 100% and our sex life is amazing. I must not have explained it very well in the post but it was awkward because we were both tired and not in the mood to have sex so I was kind of forcing myself to be sexy and it wasn't working.[/quote]
He doesn’t sound like the right man for you at all. In fact it sounds like you don’t really know him at all. He sounds unkind and you are clearly very insecure. This is not a good basis or foundation for children.

Sounds like it was a bit awkward and he got the giggles and once they start, it's hard to stop.
However, you said he's had loads of sexual encounters but I wonder if any of them were more than one night stands. Quantity doesn't mean quality or experience!

I disagree with people saying that having a great sex life and it being only once a month is incompatible, even if he did have loads of partners in the past. Say he started having sex at 15 and met the OP at 25, that's "only" 5 partners a year (on the perhaps dodgy assumption that he didn't have other long term relationships!). Perhaps more realistically, one one night stand a month from like 20 to 25. Or maybe he's lying. Do agree with people saying I'd want to know what the deal was, but doesn't mean that they are incompatible. Perhaps he's calmed down now he's hit 30.

On MN when a woman says DP wants more sex than her, the answer is incompatible: leave. When she wants more sex than him, incompatible: leave. And now when they want same sex but only once a month that's a problem too! What, are you all at it twice a week in perfect harmonious agreement?

Ah, if @SpanielSprint has it right then either the 50 partners is a lie, or perhaps the entire post, and you should hold off TTC.

But you were laughing too. He would have every right to contact another forum and say exactly what your title says.

He carried on laughing after you had stopped and your go to assumption is that he was laughing at you when he could have been laughing out of shyness or embarrassment at himself. After all, he's the super experienced one who's slept with over 50 women but he needed his much less experienced GF to initiate sex.

Unless you are 39 and your body clock is ticking away (and you sound younger) I would ease up on the TTC for now. I'd focus on having more sex for fun and emotional closeness. Maybe have some counselling to get to the roots of your insecurity. It would be better to wait a few years and have a baby when your relationship is stronger and you are more emotionally stable and more able to cope with the transition of bringing a baby into a couple.

You both sound really young. To be fair, you say that you were both laughing at the start. Perhaps you should have abandoned the idea at that point....sounds like he wasn’t in the mood.
And ttc in this way sounds really unsexy.

I find it strange and quite controlling that you were both laughing together ("couldn't stop laughing" in fact) but then you got hurt because his laughter didn't subside at exactly the same time as yours. Laughing is a physiological action, not easy to control, and in a slightly absurd situation when you're trying to fein eroticism (as many people do when TTC) I think you should cut him some slack.

I'm never not going to feel insecure about my partners exes no matter who my partner was, I think it's a natural emotion

Not really.

Agree with other posters, stop TTC. This doesn't sound like a well-matched, secure relationship.

I'm never not going to feel insecure about my partners exes no matter who my partner was, I think it's a natural emotion.

As you are in fact only 22 (not 30) this might feel like it's a natural emotion. It isn't. When you actually are 30 you will look back and think what a daft statement this was. You don't need to be insecure about a life lived before you knew that person.
So actually your age is completely relevant OP. I take it you haven't been with your boyfriend for 5 years either. Unless you got together when you were 16?

[quote Canadadarling]@GroovyPeanut sometimes it helps to talk to strangers and people who may have been through the same things, before I can talk to him properly when I'm less emotional. We actually know eachother very well, and I don't deem it relevant to talk to him about his previous partners because A) it's a horrible topic to talk about and B) I'm never not going to feel insecure about my partners exes no matter who my partner was, I think it's a natural emotion. This post was more of a rant about this one particular time[/quote]
B) is an issue. Why are you so sure you will never stop being insecure about previous partners? Why aren't you able to envisage a time when you will feel loved , chosen and secure with a partner?

Is it because he throws his past up at you, reminding him that you aren't as experienced or desirable as he is?

Is it because you cannot ever imagine being in a trusting secure relationship?

Is it because you have low self esteem and don't think you are good enough/attractive generally?

If it's any of those things you would benefit from counselling. It's not healthy to not even be able to imagine a positive change in your life.

And reconsider your use of the word partner. A partner is someone you trust and rely on whether in business or in romantic relationships. A partner is not someone who gave you a blow job at a a party nor is it someone you shagged in the toilets of a nightclub or a had a drunken ONS with on holiday. Rethink it as your BF had casual sex with many strangers, not partners and it might feel easier.

Do you never laugh during sex. Is your sex really all serious? My dh always end up laughing at each. Sex is a weird concept and sometimes awkward moment. If you were suddenly being all sexy and seductive and you're not generally like that it's not suprising that he found it funny and then couldn't quite snap out of it.

I doubt it had anything to do with his attractiveness to you (and I am sure it uou asked him he would say this to) just the awkwardness of the situation. I always laugh when I'm feeling a little awkward.

I really wouldn't worry about it