Confused

[Confuser]

DP and I have been together 15+ years. Never any big relationship issues, never any infidelity ect. Happily Married.

DP has a long term female friend. They text a lot which is fine. Mainly funny memes and videos.

DP was telling me about one of their conversations.
They were talking about sex and if they'd have sex with one another if they were single. She said yes. He said yes he would but it would never be anything serious between them and made it clear it would never happen as he is happily married.
What would you think of these messages and why he told me?

Triangulation.

I would not be happy about that at all.

Did you ask him why he told you?

It's a massively inappropriate conversation. Who initiated the sex chat? Even if she started it he should have ended it.

Mention you would shag the window cleaner /postman /shop keeper. See how he feels.. Twat.

To make you jealous?

He has disrespected you by having this conversation with this woman.

He is trying to make you jealous. Classic triangulation to inspire the 'pick me' dance to boost his ego.

He shouldn't be having those kind of conversations with other people. His friend shouldn't be engaging in that kind of conversation with a married man. They have both been massively disrespectful of you and I would be questioning what else they had been discussing.

Say similar about one of your friends. See how he likes it!

She needs to back off also

It's not just friends then is it. If they agree they'd both be interested in shagging. And that that even came up.

Sounds more like a flirtation / back up plan.

• shagging eachother!!

The moment he said yes was disrespectful towards you. He should have entertained the conversation.
This isn't just friendship. There is clearly a crush between them, and asking each other about sex means it isn't completely innocent.

Nice that he told her it would never happen as he's happily married though ...

Being told by a man that they would indeed have sex with you .. but nothing serious ... if they were single, but they're not, so they won't. That's not exactly flattering, is it?!

I'd think he was a massive twat and would tell him so.

Maybe hes trying to get you to break up so he can shag her!
This is worrying as friends shouldn't be fantasising about each other.

Mentionitis. Just a friend my arse.

Who cares what he is trying to do. Somethings not right here.

Surely the question you should be asking is why on earth they are having these chats and why on earth he thought his response was OK.

What was your reaction when he told you?

Mentionitis. Just a friend my arse.

Exactly this. Trouble is brewing there.

Sorry about my language, but watch out for 'If there was anything going on, I wouldn't be telling you', 'She's just a friend', 'Nothing happened' ...

Have you seen the messages or is this just how he said the conversation went?

I didn't really say much as I was a bit shocked and didn't know what to think.

I don't really know what to do about it. If he's instigating a break up he's heading down the right road.

Watch out for any clues.

It might be nothing but keep your eyes peeled.

Is she only HIS friend or do you know her too?

You need to get angry. If you dither, he will take it as carte blanche to do who as he pleases.

Don't accept second best. You are worth more than this.

He's created a new boundary and he believes you have accepted this, so now he thinks he can freely discuss/sext with this female .. and it's all hunky dory.

He has disrespected your relationship.

🌸

That would be unacceptable to me as he should uphold your joint commitment to each other first and foremost above his 'friendship' and his penis.

They are blatantly setting the scene so they can now talk about accidentally experimenting with "what if we're single and I fall naked on top of you?". I'd call it out, but I'm quite black and white about things like this and don't join in with gameplaying.

*Discussing sex and admitting having a mutual physical attraction
*Mentionitis
*Frequent messaging

Utterly inappropriate and disrespectful. Something is simmering here, as this is not a platonic friendship. A loyal partner would have shut down the sex talk instead of joining in. By telling you about it, he is hiding in plain sight.

I wouldn’t tolerate this for one more minute. You need to read him the riot act and remind him that he has much to lose.

Yes to all the above. My exH used to tell me how all his mates at work thought there was something going on between him and OW but he told them to stop because it could ruin his marriage etc. It was a shock when he left me for her because she "is so fat and ugly and I don't like her personality".