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Original poster

Confused

60 replies

Confuser · 11/05/2021 18:50

DP and I have been together 15+ years. Never any big relationship issues, never any infidelity ect. Happily Married.

DP has a long term female friend. They text a lot which is fine. Mainly funny memes and videos.

DP was telling me about one of their conversations.
They were talking about sex and if they'd have sex with one another if they were single. She said yes. He said yes he would but it would never be anything serious between them and made it clear it would never happen as he is happily married.
What would you think of these messages and why he told me?

OP posts:
Anydreamwilldo12 · 12/05/2021 08:35

What a twat. I would be furious.
Who the hell does he think he is telling you that and having that conversation with her in the first place.
Is he trying to make you jealous.
Disrespectful bastard!
I would be telling him to fuck right off

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/05/2021 08:40

No, no, no! Unacceptable. If he’s not up to something, he wants to be. Sorry op.

sunrayscome · 12/05/2021 09:25

I think he told you about the conversation to test the water to see how you would react, I struggle to see how men can have platonic relationships with women and as most men think with their dicks ...now she has planted the seed of temptation he will want to have sex with her

Original poster
Confuser · 12/05/2021 14:47

No I haven't seen the messages.

I am feeling very hurt. I don't know if I'd be more hurt if I found out rather than being told.
But it makes me question our relationship.
How do we recover from this, if we can recover.

I haven't spoken to him about it yet.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:28

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:29

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:32

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:32

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:34

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:34

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 15:36

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 16:09

Bloody hell - I think MN is having issues! Sorry for the multiple posts.

Sunshineandflipflops · 12/05/2021 16:16

Well I wouldn't be having that kind of conversation with my female friends so why should it be any different if they are of the opposite sex, if they are just 'friends'?

Inappropriate and suggests strongly that they are having these kind of thoughts about each other.

bookworm20 · 12/05/2021 16:18

Whoa, What?

Just a friend, my arse.

Ask to see the messages. I bet it didn't go down exactly like that.
If he won't show you, all you need to know really.

bookworm20 · 12/05/2021 16:18

Whoa, What?

Just a friend, my arse.

Ask to see the messages. I bet it didn't go down exactly like that.
If he won't show you, all you need to know really.

bookworm20 · 12/05/2021 16:24

Whoa, What?

Just a friend, my arse.

Ask to see the messages. I bet it didn't go down exactly like that.
If he won't show you, all you need to know really.

beachlife18 · 12/05/2021 17:43

I'd be having a word with both of them. So out of order

Mulberry974 · 12/05/2021 17:47

Really disrespectful to you. I have a few close male friends, one of which I message quite often, he's married and we would never even have that conversation. Your DP needs to know how appalling this is.

HellisOtherPeeps · 12/05/2021 18:20

He's crossed a line. He shouldn't have ever engaged in such a conversation with her. If a friend asked if I would fuck him, I would both show my husband and then call my friend a dickhead.

This friendship has to come to an end. That, or the marriage does.

MsDogLady · 12/05/2021 22:07

OP, you really do need to address this with him asap. Tell him the truth, that you were initially too shocked to respond, but consider their interaction totally unacceptable and a betrayal. They have actually admitted a mutual sexual attraction, and appear to channel much emotional energy into each other with the constant messaging.

I wouldn’t stay with my H after this. However, if you want to move forward with him, I would expect him to go NC with her.

Zerrin13 · 12/05/2021 22:13

Its a no from me

MadMadMadamMim · 12/05/2021 22:31

I'd be saying to him, Ok, so that was massively inappropriate. I think you need to be cooling this "friendship" off. You've both just crossed a line there, and I'm wondering how valuable your marriage is to you.

GloomyWaters · 12/05/2021 22:36

VERY inappropriate conversation to have.
HOW and WHY did they get onto this.
You need to have this out with him.

Norabatty40 · 12/05/2021 22:59

Oh dear one of them was testing the waters and now they have both admitted they fancy each other.. so someones put the pot on to brew and he probably told you so that you know he's attractive to other women.. rein him in the twat

simonlebon · 13/05/2021 00:55

Not buying your DH's reasoning at all. I call BS, the reason I call BS is because I was that person. I had a lovely friendship/full blown sexual relationship with my affair partner that progressed from just chatting, to flirting to asking about sex and if we would. That very quickly progressed to a full on affair. If they are talking about if they were single would they fuck then the intent and flirting is already there and if they haven't progressed to a physical relationship, it's the next step. Trust me, I if I were you would not believe a word. He's fucking her, or planning to. What an arrogant fuck wit telling you though.

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