Embarrassed floozy

[OkSpiritualknot]

Hiya. I think I'm embarrassed, ashamed or enlightened.. Not sure which. Wanting reassurance or shouting at for being a fool...

OK, been chatting with a guy online for about 6 months. Haven't met with him due to covid. However he drove for 4 hours come see me on Sunday. He said before he came that it would be better if he could stay overnight at mine coz of the distance. I said that was fine, I have a spare bedroom.

Ah well, he arrived, nice guy. Went for a meal, chatted. Spent the day together, watched a film in the evening. No touching, kissing or anything, just polite chit chat.

Bedtime... I showed him his bedroom, he mentioned my bed looked comfy....

I'm divorced 3 years. Not had sex during that time. I was a bit flummoxed. So I lay with him on his bed for a cuddle before I went to my bed. All it took was for him to kiss me, stroke my back... And I was like a wild animal... Poor chap. Anyway we fucked. Not brilliant, he couldn't come, his hand pressure was too heavy for me to come... Kind of gave up in the end.

I slept in my bed. Next day, back to polite chat, had breakfast, he went home. We made plans to see each other in a month or so. We're in different countries, in Europe, and with covid etc, plans are hard to make.

On the one hand, I'm thrilled that I still have sexual feelings, which I thought were dead (I'm 60), on the other hand.. I feel a bit sick.. He hadn't paid me any compliments, there was no sentimental chat before or after.. All felt a bit empty really.... And he couldn't come...

Not sure whether to continue our polite conversations on the phone, ramp it up a bit now, or try to find someone more local to have a proper relationship?

Well there's nothing wrong with what happened, you are consenting adults and you both went for it. First sex is likely to be awkward, especially as you've only really just met properly. However, from your comments you sound like you prefer a deeper connection and that's fine. Slow down with him, or develop something nearer.
I wouldn't worry about the lack of orgasms all round. You both seem to have been somewhat caught unawares and it's not that rare for a man not to orgasm under those circumstances, especially as I imagine he's somewhere near your age.

Perhaps I’m someone that needs compliments but the no compliments would be a no go for me as I’d feel shit rather than feeling admired / desired / wanted!
Otherwise everything else I’d say give it a second go as often first time sex is a bit rubbish.

Yes, he's 55. It's difficult as I thought I was so controlled about everything., but just kind of lost it.

Surely you can find a man closer to home who will at least compliment you, flirt with you, hold your hand?! This bloke sounds as passionate as a dead kipper.

"A dead kipper" haha, made me laugh...

He's a nice guy...bit of a Tony Curtis look alike... There is a bit of a language barrier maybe, though his English seems very good..

The lack of compliments concerned me though. I asked him if I was what he expected and he was like "yes, of course".... I was fishing for a compliment when I asked him that... He's Spanish... Don't know if that's relavent or not.. I thought Spaniards were passionate and full of compliments... So much for stereotyping...

I think you should just take it for what it was - you felt the urge, you did it - it didn't turn out to be earth-shaking, but you are still interested in sex, hurrah.

Why not look around you and date people nearer, and still see this guy again (if you still want to)? You haven't made each other any promises or anything, so could see how it goes meeting people. You don't have to shag them all , (unless you want to!) Make sure you look after your sexual health tho).

Lol, not surprising after a 3 year drought. I bet it's nice to know you've still got it in you.
I doubt this thing should focus much in your life in the future though, the distance is quite large, large enough to wonder why bother in the first place.
Anyway, was a bit of fun in your life, I'd concentrate on closer to home really. Might just be a handy confidence boost, but maybe this one is not for you long term. If you continue with contact and occasional meets, be open to others in between, and if the sex doesn't improve, why bother.

Mmm yes. I have 2 male friends here, both interested. One is a no no... Married.. Urgh.

The other is okish, but soo racist, I told him I couldn't date him because of it.... But he came to my aid when I had an emergency and was a real life saver...

I'm going to keep looking... There's so many weirdos on online sites..

I think you can do better than a racist.

You realise none of what happened makes you a floozy, right?

Take it as a bit of fun and look for someone closer to home and better. Because you deserve the compliments and the fun too.

Yes, I'll forget the racist and keep looking.

I'm going to tell you off a little here. You really shouldn't invite a man you've only talked to online to stay at your house. On this occasion, you were lucky, but there are many weirdos out there who are very different to their online or telephone persona! Don't feel embarrassed about the sex bit though, you had an itch you needed scratching. 😉

You’re not a floozy! That’s not even a thing.

Definitely don’t date the racist guy🙄

Thanks for saying I'm not a floozy. I will see it as a bit of fun now
I phoned my friend about it last night and she laughed so much, so that helped.

I must admit as soon as I saw this guy I really fancied him...I hadn't really thought about it whilst chatting online, although we did video chat once a week

Haven't fancied anyone for a long time... So there has to be some chemistry to do what I did,.. And he was a fab kisser 😘

But, I'm still going to try find someone closer... Who pays me compliments....

Speaking as an actual floozie , there's nowt wrong with what you did. You're a grown woman, you're allowed to have no strings sex to "scratch an itch" as it were, AND you're allowed to bin the guy off for being dull and kipper-like!

I'm sure you will run into someone lovely, who isnt racist or tedious. There are millions of men around.

OP please don't invite men you don't know in real life to your home until you've met them before in person. Not because of the 'floozy' thing (you are not one and having sex doesn't make someone one!) but because it's not safe. He could have sweet talked you and then been dangerous and you'd have been alone in a house with him. Please do be careful safety wise.

Yes Mabelface, you're right. I didn't give that much thought at all.

I live in an apartment, there's 5 other apartments in my block, so help would probably have come if I'd needed it.

But yes, it was a risk.. Mmm... Food for thought..

I wouldn’t feel put out about what you did @OkSpiritualknot, after a long drought it’s nice to know the system still works isn’t it? I smiled at you letting out the wild animal. And not orgasming is understandable -age and first bonk- and you both had a good time.

From my perspective -I’m a man – other posters comments got me thinking about your security. If I was your male friend/brother I’d say the risk of having a first time OLD man in your home and staying over would be an absolute no no.

I have a woman OLD friend (we met OLD but it didn’t even get to the starting gate romantically but have been social friends for years now) who was assaulted in her own home by an OLD man, he was given a police caution.

But what I say is not consistent with my own OLD past. I’m in your age group. On 3 out of 4 occasions where I’ve stayed at the woman’s home by prior arrangement -I had travelled (on 2 occasions overseas flights) for the first meets- we had (very successful) sex. We’d had a lot of on line contact before meeting, and felt we knew each other well. I didn’t go with the expectation of sex. All I can say is that I know I’m respectful and not a nutter, but the women weren’t to know that. But I suppose you have to trust your judgement.

As for the future, there’s no harm in keeping up the contact and having a second round, it obviously all works in the bedroom between you. Life is short and similar sayings. Perhaps he was a bit flummoxed by what happened so seemed cool.

Meanwhile keep looking, unless you’ve agreed otherwise you’re not exclusive.

I’d echo other posters’ comments about the racist -or anyone whose views are objectively distasteful -life is too short. As for married men, that’s up to you. Unless the man you like is local and if it turns bad be prepared for a pitchfork attack by his wife!

Can’t really get past your description of yourself as a floozy.... was he a floozy too?

Certainly no such thing as a floozie, you had a bit of fun which is fine (remember to use condoms). Echoing don’t invite men you don’t know back as you might not be safe. Also I really really want to say this, whilst it’s nice if he comes that’s not your primary aim of a shag, it should be about you first and him as a nice to have but not essential.

Don't be embarrassed! I'm with PP - you had a shag, it wasn't perfect, you still want sex, yay for you, find a better match.

And congratulations

The only problem here is you let a man you didn't know stay at your house - you could have been murdered or badly assaulted . Find someone local.

Umm sorry if I'm being patronising but did you use a condom? If not you really need to get tested

Thanks for the replies. I'd been chatting with him and video chatting for 6 months. So I feel I know him quite well. I've done Airbnb for the last 4 years so am very casual about people staying over generally.

Still dangerous I know, having him stay. Wouldn't do it another time.... Ooh just noticed that my bedroom door has a key in it... I'll make a mental note of that.

No there was no condom involved... Oh dear. I don't think he had anticipated the sex either.

I'm meeting a bloke on Sunday for coffee, he only lives 20km away. He says I'm gorgeous so he seems to be OK with handing out compliments... We'll see..