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Original poster

So is dh a selfish bugger or am I overeacting?

40 replies

lupo · 15/11/2007 15:10

Ok, will keep this as concise as possible. Dh has recently started a new of job which involves a fair bit of going out and having team bonding events with colleagues etc.

The one and only time that I will get invited to this sort of thing is the Christmas do. Dh has told me that I am invited, and has already said that lots of couples ho have kids will be leaving early.

I have desperately been phoning friends to see if anyone can babysit (only want to use someone I know) My best friend has offered and says she will do it til midnight, so we will need to get a cab at 11.30.plus she is doing it for free so dont want to take the mick. The event starts at 7pm -1.30am

DH is saying that I am being very unreasonable for making him leave early (finishes at 1.30am) - surely the fact that the babysitter can't stay is our problem not just mine.

He says that he ants to stay til atleast 12.30am and get free company paid cab home and I can drive home earlier or get a cab alone or not go. I don't see why i should miss out as i hardly ever get to go to these things. Buts its OUR son so surely its OUR responsibility to get back on time not just mine

He said if he has to leave earlier he ill inform his colleagues that his wife says he is not allowed to stay out at his own xmas do.

Advice needed please. should I go and pay for a cab home and leave an hour earlier, or
should i tell him he is a selfish prick and should have the decency to accompany his wife home. What would you do? Feel pretty
hurt about this and not sure how to handle it

OP posts:

Original poster

lupo · 15/11/2007 15:10

Ok, will keep this as concise as possible. Dh has recently started a new of job which involves a fair bit of going out and having team bonding events with colleagues etc.

DH is saying that I am being very unreasonable for making him leave early (finishes at 1.30am) - surely the fact that the babysitter can't stay is our problem not just mine.

He said if he has to leave earlier he ill inform his colleagues that his wife says he is not allowed to stay out at his own xmas do.

OP posts:

Iklboo · 15/11/2007 15:11

How old is he? 15?

SantaBeClausImWorthIt · 15/11/2007 15:14

Sorry - I think you're overreacting. It's a Christmas do, and it's a relatively new job - and I can quite see why he wouldn't want to leave 'early'.

Why can't you offer to pay your bf so that she will stay later? Or ask her to stay over night?

iota · 15/11/2007 15:16

I do understand your point of view, but I would go and enjoy myself and come home an hour before him. He will probably get really drunk and be boring anyway.

LizaRose · 15/11/2007 15:16

Maybe the BF has a family of her own! Midnight is a reasonable time for a babysitter to want to leave. I would be really upset if my DH treated me like that.

policywonk · 15/11/2007 15:17

I don't think you're being unreasonable - as you say, your son is his responsibility too.

Why not tell him that, if he wants to stay until 1.30, it is his responsibility to make suitable childcare arrangements?

However, it does sound a little as though you have a long-running problem with his socializing (and your lack of it?) and that this has brought it to a head. (Sorry if this is wrong.)

Carmenere · 15/11/2007 15:17

Yes it is both of your responsibility BUT it is his job and you are his partner so be the bigger person and let him stay out. Get a cab home. It will probably be boring for you anyway.
and it is very good leverage to organise a really fun night out for yourself over Christmas.

jesuswhatnext · 15/11/2007 15:21

so, let him tell the boss wifey is making him leave early, he'll make himself look a right prat! - whether boss has kids or not, EVERYONE understands that sitters have to be got home for, and to let his wife leave and travel home alone late at night makes him look a total prick!

(if all fails and he stays till end, engineer HIM getting up early with ds and YOU have the lie-in, so much the better if he has the hangover from hell! hide the alka sletzer too, just for good measure)

Columbia · 15/11/2007 15:21

I think he is being a nob, sorry

bozza · 15/11/2007 15:24

Why don't you suggest you go home at 11.30 in the company paid for cab and he drives home when he feels like it.

LuckySalem · 15/11/2007 15:26

You're right he's wrong.

Make a big point that he's making you go home alone. If he thinks he has to come with you, let him tell the boss and the rest of his crew that he's under wifey's thumb. he's gonna look like the idiot!!

DaddyJ · 15/11/2007 15:28

Given that he frequently goes to bonding session etc
he is overreacting about the prospect of one night being cut short.

It won't kill him (or his promotion prospects) to leave
slightly earlier together with his partner.

On the contrary, it would show that he can also be a mature,
responsible family guy.

Carmenere · 15/11/2007 15:29

Lupo do you not think that it would be a nice thing to do to let him enjoy the evening as he wants to. I'm not suggesting that you be a doormat but really, this is an exception as it is a work do. It is not like you are going out with a group of mates and he wants to stay out late.
Seriously use this as an opportunity to get him to babysit so you can have a night out over Christmas. And don't get upset, it is not worth it and if you are finding it upsetting, don't go, stay in with your bf and have a few glasses of wine(which would be my preferance by far anyway)

Carmenere · 15/11/2007 15:30

Although I seem to be alone in this opinion........

Original poster

lupo · 15/11/2007 15:31

should I ask him again to rebook the cab for 11.30/45 instead of 12.30 (its only 45 min for godsake) so we travel together or should I just be do the couldnt care less thing and get a cab home alone?

Thanks for responses so far!

OP posts:

iota · 15/11/2007 15:32

not quite alone Carmenere

Original poster

lupo · 15/11/2007 15:33

I wouldnt be making such a big deal out of this except he is always going out and abroad for these sorts of things which is fine, so its only one night and 45 mins for him - IT also means I will have to travel home alone and pay for a cab if he doesnt come with me

OP posts:

TheYoungVisiter · 15/11/2007 15:34

He's not being unreasonable to want to stay until the end.

BUT he is being unreasonable to go about saying it in such a childish way.

If he had said "look, I really want to stay until the end, could you go home a bit early and I'll look after them next time you want to go out?" would you be so annoyed?

So, be big, rise above it, let him stay out and get drunk while you go home sensibly... and then arrange a very nice day out for you the next day and let him deal with the kids AND his hangover all day alone.

Anyway let's face it, it's a work Christmas do. it will probably be incredibly boring and full of drunk men in bad suits, and people sharing in jokes about the broken photocopier. I bet by 12 you will be desperate to get home and put your feet up! In fact if I could get out of going to my own work Xmas do, I would happily stay home with DS.

oliveoil · 15/11/2007 15:36

I think you are over reacting

it is HIS works do, you are invited as his partner

if it was YOUR work do, he woudl be the partner

He can stay as long as he wants imo

policywonk · 15/11/2007 15:37

'he is always going out and abroad for these sorts of things'

lupo, I think that this is your issue really. You need to sit down with him and arrange it so that you get as much time to spend having fun as he does. If this was sorted out, I doubt you'd get so hung up on one work do.

bluejelly · 15/11/2007 15:42

I think he is being really unreasonable, sorry. Two hours makes no difference to him and a lot to you.

Baffy · 15/11/2007 15:44

he is always out socialising and you have asked that you leave 45mins early so that you can get home for your child. who is his child as well as yours!

he's being totally totally unreasonable IMO. he should re-book the cab and go home with you.

it's hardly like this is his one and only night out all year!

why is the childcare your responsibility?!

I think you're in the right here

Baffy · 15/11/2007 15:47

on a more practical level

how far away is the venue?

could you say to bf that you will book the cab for say, 11.45 or 12 and you will be in at the latest by... 12.20

make a massive fuss of how grateful you are to her (buy wine, chocs or whatever to give when you ask her too! )
also offer to return the favour to her?

and try to come to some sort of compromise

if he says he's ok leaving around 12.30, then 30-40mins before that is surely a good compromise...

TheYoungVisiter · 15/11/2007 15:50

To be fair though, he is not just socialising - he is working.

Baffy · 15/11/2007 16:05

Going out with colleagues on nights out and christmas parties is working?

I have a fair few work related nights out/events too - and they are far from hard work!

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