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Original poster

Why would he have a lighter?

98 replies

YetAnotherHastyNameChange · 10/05/2021 14:33

I’ve been seeing a really lovely guy for nearly a year now. No red flags at all, we have a great time together and I’m completely falling in love with him.

This morning while at mine I noticed a lighter had fallen out of his pocket. He noticed it a few minutes later, assumed I hadn’t seen it and put it back in his pocket. I’m a non- smoker, I’ve never smoked (apart from very occasionally smoking cannabis. He told me he’s a non-smoker who has also never had a smoking habit and has very occasionally smoked cannabis too but hasn’t done for years. In all the time I’ve known him he’s never smelt of smoke, we’ve spent a good 5-6 days together and he’s never sneaked off anywhere that could be used as a cover for having a fag. I’ve got a pretty sensitive sense of smell and I’ve never smelt cigarettes on him either.

So why would he have a lighter? I will ask him, obviously, I’m just trying to think of there’s another reason for carrying a lighter around in your pocket that I’ve completely missed. I don’t have a problem if he is smoking, I’ve never suggested that I’d have a problem with him smoking so I just don’t understand why he’s try and hide something like that from me. It just seems really odd.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 10/05/2021 15:50

Ah but was it a lighter?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 10/05/2021 15:51

I have tons. I love candles and incense.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 10/05/2021 15:54

i was going to say Fire Raising or Fags, but I see I am late to that party!

LST · 10/05/2021 16:00

@Monkeytapper

Crack pipe or tea light
And no inbetween GrinGrin
LadyJaye · 10/05/2021 16:02

Why do you care, OP?

I don't smoke, but I have a few lighters to light candles, because I don't like the smell of struck matches. I may, at some point, have put one of them in my pocket, because I like having both hands free and I can be a bit forgetful.

What a weird thing to obsess over.

Tomyoneandonly · 10/05/2021 16:05

For his occasional spliff.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/05/2021 16:16

@Whythesadface

DD carries a lighter, she has friends who smoke, also apparently homeless people at the bus so go away if you give them a lighter.
This sounds like such a good excuse for a teenager to have at the ready if they're accused of smoking by their parents Grin
Onthedunes · 10/05/2021 16:17

It's actually a covert recording device and he's recording every conversation you have.

Or he's chasing the dragon

Or he's just lit a fire.

Original poster
YetAnotherHastyNameChange · 10/05/2021 16:23

I’m not obsessing over it at all. I’m just wondering, that’s all as I’ve never known anyone who didn’t smoke to actually carry a lighter out with them. I have candles and a fire which I use a lighter to light but I wouldn’t stick it in the pocket of clearly clean clothes when I was going away for a few days. Other people clearly do so that explains it.

OP posts:
Cas112 · 10/05/2021 16:28

My boyfriend has a lighter for candles and does not smoke

Cas112 · 10/05/2021 16:29

Also just ask him, that would be the normal thing to do

idontlikealdi · 10/05/2021 16:32

Because actually he does smoke and he's trying to hide it from you. Not a huge leap of imagination.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 10/05/2021 16:32

This morning while at mine I noticed a lighter had fallen out of his pocket. He noticed it a few minutes later, assumed I hadn’t seen it and put it back in his pocket.

Why didn’t you just ask him there and then? Confused

TheVolturi · 10/05/2021 16:34

He's been watching too much Bear Grylls and is being prepared in case he's dropped into an icy crevasse/deep jungle /desolate wilderness?

Original poster
YetAnotherHastyNameChange · 10/05/2021 16:35

I don’t know why I didn’t just ask him then tbh. Probably a bit weird of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
YetAnotherHastyNameChange · 10/05/2021 16:36

That’s what I immediately assumed idontlikealdi. It just seems such a weird thing to lie about if that’s the case as he knows I couldn’t care less if he smokes.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 10/05/2021 16:36

Just ask him.

Takemetomiami · 10/05/2021 16:38

Burning his nasal hair off?

Lou98 · 10/05/2021 16:42

I don't smoke but usually end up with lighters in all my pockets. I use them to light candles and our hob, I quite often out of habit then put it in my pocket without thinking, I don't even realise they're there half the time. They've came in handy before though!

Did he "try and hide it from you" or is it more likely he just seen it and put it back in his pocket and never said anything because why would he? I doubt he was trying to discreetly hide it

5128gap · 10/05/2021 16:47

He may have lied before he realised you didn't mind, given a lot of people do mind and smokers are often embarassed.
I think you've missed your opportunity to ask him though. You should have mentioned it at the time when it would have been a casual remark. If you ask him now it will look like you've been dwelling on it, and it will sound weird, or like you're trying to catch him out. As it doesn't matter to you either way I'd let it go. I'm sure the truth will reveal itself in time!

Fuckitsstillraining · 10/05/2021 16:50

I don't smoke, never have done but I carry a light in my handbag, I used to travel by train and its surprising how often you'd be asked if you had a light while waiting for a train. Also have a lighter and packet of fags in glovebox of car ever since I witnessed a motorsport accident and the poor driver wanted a fag afterwards but no one nearby had one.

Mysterian · 10/05/2021 16:52

Warming up his heroin? I think that's what they do.

I have lots of lighters but don't smoke. You need lots because they like to hide. I light tea lights, bug killer smoke rings, lanterns, and as a back up for the camping hob. Also needed to melt the end of nylon cord so it doesn't fray.

BlushingBrightly · 10/05/2021 16:57

All these people with husbands, daughters, sons, siblings who carry a lighter at all times but don't smoke. Come on! Not saying every single one is lying, but I reckon at least 60%.

Original poster
YetAnotherHastyNameChange · 10/05/2021 17:02

Tbh I couldn’t ask at the time as I noticed when he took them off when we had sex 😂. Then I felt daft not asking him when I saw him put it away as I thought he’d mention it. I also have hundreds of the buggers as I’m constantly losing them and have an electric oven so can’t light them off that.

So I’m sure there’s a perfectly normal reason he has one in there. I wouldn’t care if he smokes, I wouldn’t even care that much if he’d pretended he didn’t smoke at the beginning but actually does in case it put me off. I’m just a massive over thinker and having been married to an alcoholic who hid it from me for years it makes me a bit more wary than I probably should be.

OP posts:
5128gap · 10/05/2021 17:06

@BlushingBrightly

All these people with husbands, daughters, sons, siblings who carry a lighter at all times but don't smoke. Come on! Not saying every single one is lying, but I reckon at least 60%.
Yes I agree with this. Theres loads of secret smokers, even if its only 'socially'. Non smokers don't usually know about them because they only come out to other smokers.