So, he wants a divorce. Our of the blue

[ch33sy]

He says there isn't anyone else, and that he's just not been happy for a while. We went through this about 4 years ago and it was a wake up call for what we were losing and our relationship improved, (or it did for me) but he says he regrets not going through with it last time and won't consider trying any more

Give him the divorce.
Keep your self respect and walk away .

You poor thing, he has obviously blindsided you. Have you any support in RL?

I'm sorry, did you think you were both happy in your marriage?

I know it's hard, but don't beg him to 'try' he's made it very clear he's checked out.

Where have you left it?

I think you need to accept he has checked out - as hard as it is. Try and agree things amicably now - it will be easier and less costly other than leaving it longer when it could become acrimonious.

Make an appointment with a solicitor ASAP. Don't waste another 4 years trying if he is not committed. Do you have some support around you?

Get yourself a solicitor. No doubt he'll have one soon, and there will likely be another women come out of the woodwork sooner or later. Capitalise on him feeling guilty now to get a sensible set up.

There will be someone else. Men rarely leave if they will end up alone.

Lawyer ASAP. Sorry this is happening.

Oh there will almost certainly be someone else - but men always deny it.

Either way he’s ended it and he’s out of the marriage already. Get a good solicitor and get that divorce, then move on.

He has someone else

I'm sorry OP

Don't be so bloody daft, @zmw69lol.

@zmw69lol this isnt the time or the place for that kind of bollocks 🤣🤣🤣🤣

As this isn’t the first time it’s got to this point it sounds like your best bet is to accept his decision, get a lawyer and work out how you want this to go. No point trying to talk him around.

The repeated assertions he’s cheating aren’t much use though they are inevitable. It doesn’t matter. He wants out, you’ve had bad times before, don’t be passive and let him call the shots.

@zmw69lol

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Utter bollocks. It's the one between the bullshit and the tripe.

@AnneLovesGilbert

As this isn’t the first time it’s got to this point it sounds like your best bet is to accept his decision, get a lawyer and work out how you want this to go. No point trying to talk him around.

The repeated assertions he’s cheating aren’t much use though they are inevitable. It doesn’t matter. He wants out, you’ve had bad times before, don’t be passive and let him call the shots.

I agree with this and think you have to respect this decision OP, as tough as it is. While it feels out of the blue, it actually isn't because it nearly happened before and you've both tried but he feels it hasn't improved enough to stay. It's kinder of him to end it than to make you live a lie

Let him go. This is no way to live

How to I find a solicitor? I can't think straight. My head feels like it's being crushed

Sorry OP but there’s always an OW, no matter what “star sign” he is.

Agree to the divorce.

I don't agree that there has to be another woman, if he wanted this before then there doesn't have to be somebody else.

But I agree with other posters, you're too good for somebody who doesn't want to hold on to you. So, google solicitors in your area tomorrow morning. X

@LadyCatStark

Sorry OP but there’s always an OW, no matter what “star sign” he is.

This. Without a doubt.

@LadyCatStark

Sorry OP but there’s always an OW, no matter what “star sign” he is.

How is that remotely helpful to OP? She’s already stressed, miserable and confused. You’re sticking the boot in and making her feel worse and like there’s something she doesn’t know and is stupid on top of everything else.

What do you think you’re achieving other than kicking a woman who’s already down?

Do you have any advice? Sympathy?

Or just here to make her feel like shit and you feel superior?

I think it's unkind and unhelpful for people to keep saying there is always someone else. It doesn't change the fact the relationship is over - she knows it is and that she needs to accept that. And it isn't always true. I do think men are more likely than women to leave for the reason of meeting someone else but plenty of marriages break up when no third party is involved. There's no reason to say it as if it's 100% definitely someone else when poor OP must feel so sad already

@LadyCatStark

Sorry OP but there’s always an OW, no matter what “star sign” he is.

Not necessarily. My ex announced that he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to try to work things out in our marriage as he’d only feel the same way again in 5 or 10 years time. He didn’t have another woman. Sounds mean, but he didn’t have the memory/intelligence to lie about an affair. Three years later and others have confirmed he wasn’t/hadn’t been seeing anyone. Now who cares, I’m better off without him!

OP - I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can and will get through this. Reach out to family/friends for support too x

OP practicalities : if you have any friends or relatives who recently divorced, ask for a recommendation, or simply Google local ones. Depending on length of marriage, assets to be split and most importantly children, the divorce can be v simple and cheap or ghastly. Either way, knowledge is power. Use the divorce and legal board on here to get some good basic info and gather evidence at home.. Payslips, pension statement if possible etc. Do not, under any circumstances, believe anything he tells you regarding a settlement and what you're entitled too. Even splits that start out amicable rarely stay that way and one of the saddest parts is realising you are no longer a team and he is no longer on your side. You don't have to hate each other, screw each other over or be enemies, but you won't be friends, so look out for your own interests.
Get real life support.. This will have a physical impact as you are effectively in shock. If you can take time off work, do. Try to eat, and drink. (ideally not alcohol, not yet). Small steps. Good luck.