Wow, thanks a lot everyone for taking the time to read my long post and reply. I am honestly very greatful for this act of kindness from every single one of you and I read each reply carefully and tried to really understand where I/he went wrong.
I will try to make a summary of my replies in order to keep this somewhat short.
DH is in his mid thirties.
First of all, I think perhaps I did not paint an accurate picture of the situation. Right now and over the past year, he has not been going out as much for obvious reasons. In fact, he has only been out 'partying' a handful of times, when restrictions were partially lifted. Several times he got very drunk and once or twice he came back home more or less sober. At home, during the lockdown, we would have a few drinks for dinner twice per week, so it wasn't too bad. In my opinion, he drinks more than it's advisable even when he doesn't get drunk, and what is more alarming for me is that he doesn't see any reason why he should control alcohol intake, or stop smoking (staying healthy is not a valid reason). You can see why he thinks I'm controlling and pessimistic.
The situation I described, the constant weekend partying, is not really applicable at the moment. Before the pandemic, and since we got married, he had reduced the partying to about once per week / once every two weeks after a lot of pressure from me, and a lot of tears and a lot of fighting. He feels like he's complying to keep the peace and therefore he resents me. He feels like I am forcing him to become isolated, and tbh, he has plenty of hobbies but there are few social activities left on his schedule if you take away drinking (even if it's not the main purpose of the activity). I think this is not entirely his fault but also related to the society we live in, where alcohol consumption is a very social activity. My own friends don't understand the way I feel about this topic and think I am being controlling.
We moved to a new city and making friends isn't always an easy task. When you get invited out to drink by a new group of people, you need to take that chance. That is totally fine by me as I want to go out and meet new people too—but why can't he just stop drinking before he starts mumbling? In these groups of people there are always (sometimes married) guys who leave after a few beers, but not him. He needs to stay with the one guy who just broke up and is living his best life until they're both totally wasted. It just makes me so sad and angry. This is the kind of behaviour I am complaining about. I encourage him to pursue his interests, work on his art, meet new people and do fun stuff. Just please PLEASE drink responsibly. Think of your health and of your future life as a dad. But he simply doesn't share my perspective.
The issue is that because he does not wish to cooperate with me on this, the resentment builds and builds. He becomes more isolated, and his depression worsens, he becomes more disillusioned and irritable until he has an outburst during which he will say he's fed up. He recently picked an argument out of nowhere and after a lot of fighting I found out that it was all really about how unheard and alone he felt in our relationship. A few days later, he went out with a friend and came home very very drunk, as if he was just spelling out to me that he doesn't care how I feel about this. I pulled myself together and I did not react angrily or sad as I normally would, but calm and loving. The next day he was hangover but seemed very pleased and happy about the night out of fun with friends he had enjoyed. He really craves human connection and denying him that is the last thing I want. But I cannot neglect my needs and expectations either.
Some of you mentioned the money. It is the last of my concerns tbh, although it is also something to take into account. Others have asked what do I get from this relationship? He is very loving and tries to appease me most of the time, cares about me and my feelings, brings out the best in me (again, most of the time). He does show that he wants to build a future with me in other more obvious ways. It is this point of friction that is wearing the bond between us thin. I am certain that he is a decent person who would become a very loving father and not some jerk who would abandon his baby, but I am not sure about his relationship with alcohol, his generalised dissatisfaction with our relationship and his depression.
I would like him to acknowledge that this is important for me and good for him and to compromise. I would like him to be excited enough about his future as a dad, about our future family, that it feels like a small, logical step to take. I was stupid and naïve enough to think it would come naturally to him, since everything else about him was pointing to the right direction. If that is not going to happen, I need to keep my peace of mind because honestly I do not recognise myself when I realise how obsessed I have become about another person's behaviour.