Finding love when your overweight

[donnasgonna]

For various reasons I've put on a lot of weight over the past few years and am a size 18. I do plan to shift the weight but it's proving harder than I thought.

I'd really like to meet someone but I've heard some really horrible theories/ discussions about how men feel about larger women and I'm starting to feel it's unlikely.

When I was slim I had a lot of attention from men but now I get barely any at all which makes me resentful because I feel like it must have all been very shallow.

Anyone out there who's bigger found love as they are?

Some of your partners sound absolutely lovely, gives me hope

Yes I've certainly felt fetishised before, they loved my body but in a kinky sort of way, wanting me to emphasise my shape which I don't do. I want a man to love me because I'm me, not BECAUSE I'm fat.

I've quit OLD as I'm sick of men right now and very cynical but I have had plenty of dates as a large girl so only lose weight if you want to for yourself.

@Marineboy67

“I also think a well covered lady is far more desirable than tin ribs and bones.“

Knew it wouldn’t be long before someone came along who’s unable to be complimentary about bigger women without making nasty comments about slimmer ones.

I met my husband when I was a size 16-18. I was always confident back then and had no problem getting dates etc, as I carried my weight really well due to being tall and hourglass figure.
Fast forward to now and I'm a size 26 😭😭 but DH still worships the ground I walk on thankfully! I am trying to lose weight but it's so hard.

Find someone who likes / loves you as you are now, good luck with the OLD.

I was a size 22 when I met my now husband.

He made me laugh at the get go because I mentioned my size in a phone call after we'd first met and he said "Yes your arse is big but you're lovely and that's what I'm interested in".

It was the first time a prospective partner had acknowledged the elephant in the room for want of a better phrase and confirmed it neither added nor distracted from his feelings for me.

Surprisingly I was his first plus size girlfriend too which went down badly with the in-laws at first. They couldn't understand why he had "lowered his standards" from the little petite women he dated before. Now MIL thinks I'm the best DIL she could have wished for and sings my praises to anyone in earshot (better than being criticised).

Normal men are out there who will find you attractive no matter what your body is currently doing.

Just be receptive to who is paying attention and don't just settle because it's better than being single because it rarely is

Man here.
I met my ex when we were in our very early 20s. Shes always been a larger woman. After she had our two childern she put on even more weight and is now a size 20
We split because of problems not because of her size.
I'm 41 now. Would I date a larger woman again?, yes of course I would. Would I date a slim woman again like I did in my teens ? Yes of course I would. I'm more interested in the person. Plenty of larger woman are beautiful. Plenty of men that I know would date you.
I was with my ex for 17 years. We have two childern together and we are now friends and get on better than we did when we were together.

She hasn't met anyone new yet and she dose worry she won't . But I know she will in time. You like her will meet somone and be happy . Try to be confident and positive

and wouldn't notice if the person was fat, tall, small, thin! I also think a well covered lady is far more desirable than tin ribs and bones.
There's so much that's ridiculous about that statement.
So if you got mugged you couldn't describe if they were built like Katherine Middleton or Mike Tindell because you just don't notice that because you're too good to notice. Yet you notice enough to prefer one build over the other and to make derogatory comments about one.

@Marineboy67 honestly just leave the thread. You’re a loose canon that can’t say anything without it being offensive. First the insinuation that only overweight men will find OP attractive. And now you’re bashing slim women by referring to them as tin ribs and bones. You don’t have to bash one body type to uplift another.

There are skinny people who struggle to put on weight as there as overweight women who struggle to lose it. They both deserve love and to feel desired!

You will meet some nasty pieces of work I won't lie. I was treated appallingly by some men. I was a size 20. I then met my DH who fancied me regardless of size after being with him a year, I joined WW and lost about 4 stone. Again, he wasn't bothered about my size! I've since put on weight due to having a baby but there we go.

My point is there are a lot of nasty men out there but there are also some who fancy bigger women or fancy women no matter their size. A size 18 isn't even very big Imo.
What I would say is if doing OLD, don't try and make yourself look thin or lie about your size. Be yourself

There are people out there of every shape who like others of every shape so yes it's possible to find a partner of any size as an overweight person.

However: ultimately it's a numbers game. There are more fat people out there than people attracted to fat people, so as a fat person your competition will be much stiffer.

So realistically there are 3 options:

• Get lucky
• Lose the weight
• Lower your standards and 'settle'

I've always been larger and never had a problem, but honestly I'm absolute not confident about my body. When I was younger and a 16/18 I wouldn't have any issues pulling blokes on a night out, and developing relationships. I've done OLD in the past, and never once felt fetishized by the men on there, met some utter wankers but that's not because I'm fat, that's because there's loads of wankers out there lol. I met my finance (in a nightclub) as a size 18/20 and now a 22. He has never once made negative comment on my body, tells me how attractive me finds me every day, event currently at 25wks pregnant and a face like a mountain range thanks to hormones.

As I say, I'm absolutely not confident with my body. I hate my weight, my shape etc, however I don't actively cringe and hate myself for it though, and that is the issue. If you're so disparaging about yourself others will pick up on that. You don't need to have all the self esteem in the world, but you do need to be unapologetic about you body and almost forget what it looks like.

This in particular stands out I'm so ashamed of my body that I just put face pics up then spend the days before the date fretting about when they see me and are disappointed. Then I usually cancel!
If you cancel then you won't ever know what these men are like, you could have passed up loads of decent blokes for what?? Honestly, you need to get out of your own head about this hang up because when you do make it to that next stage (an in person date) you'll be so focused on how you're feeling that you won't come across as YOU. The dates I've spent worried about my fat rolls or bingo wings have always ended badly because I've come across as either uninterested in the bloke, or uninteresting because I'm not being myself, being happy, bubbly, chatty, flirty etc.

YOU need to sell you whatever is on the outside!

I'm a 16/18 and short so look bigger. Without wishing to sound conceited I have never had any issues attracting men, and not just chubby chasers either. My tall and slim DP is very enthusiastically fond of me and my body, as were the few one nighters and casual relationships I had between my long term ex and current DP. I don't want to be fancied BECAUSE I have a chubby figure but also don't want to be loved "in spite of it" if you see what I mean. I don't see my size as a "flaw" that has to be accepted or looked past.

I wouldn't say I'm hugely body confident either, but DP being into me, and following lots of gorgeous plus size women on IG has shown me that you can easily be fat and attractive, your life doesn't have to end as soon as you pass a certain clothes size or number on the scales. I don't really think much about my size from day to day, I just dress and act how I want.

I'd say to put up full length pics, not because fave only pics are "misleading" as one poster so delightfully put it above 🙄 but because that's you as you are, if men choose not to message based on your size that's up to them.

Also, finally (aware that I have waffled on a bit here) you may well see or receive comments about fat women but honestly, screw them. People can and will find fault with anything. Thin women who "don't have enough curves", women who have had children and have stretch marks, darker skinned women etc etc. You're never going to be everyone's cup of tea and that is completely fine.

Echoing what others have said about being upfront plus have both a face and full length pic so you both know what you are getting. Im a size 14/16 myself. Recently went on a date with someone who was much bigger than expected. He said he had a dad bod but this was more. I wish he had put a full length shot tbh as i always do.

@Marineboy67

How do you feel about overweight guys, fat blokes? If they're kind and considerate would you date one?

I’ve always found some of the overweight guys are some of the most judgemental of overweight women . It’s like one standard for them because they are men and another for women

I’ll add that I find many overweight men attractive but have also been told in the past by men much bigger than myself things like ‘ you’d be much more attractive if you lost weight ‘ or I’m after a woman with a fit or slim body ‘ etc