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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dam Covid

28 replies

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 11:22

Separated last year, husband was meant to leave country afterwards, Covid happened and he is still here,making no move. Best of friends but I'm finding it hard to even ask him to leave, suppose I'm sick of the last few years. But,we both need to get on with our lives. I have a feeling he won't budge....any advice or words appreciated.

OP posts:

Starstruck2021 · 03/05/2021 11:23

Start divorce proceedings?

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 11:27

Only divorce if you want to remarry,and I def don't ever want marriage again.

OP posts:

Puddington · 03/05/2021 11:51

Divorce definitely doesn't mean you have to remarry OP.

MrsFin · 03/05/2021 11:54

Why does he need to leave the country? And if you're separated, why don't you want to divorce?

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 12:00

Leaving the country was pre-covid.

The Divorce thing is something I will explore,but not now

OP posts:

PenfoldPenny · 03/05/2021 12:02

Literally the only people that will know you are divorced are you and him unless either of you tells anyone.

MrsFin · 03/05/2021 12:03

But why does he need to leave the country? Can't you be separated but live in the same country? Most of them are quite big.

category12 · 03/05/2021 12:11

@Thismightwork

Only divorce if you want to remarry,and I def don't ever want marriage again.

Don't understand this. While you're still married, you're legally and financially entwined. Why would you want that to continue rather than just being divorced and single? While you're married, he has home rights in the house you share.

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 13:44

He has waived any rights to house,inheritance or any gains. House is registered in.my name ( part of the separation deed). We are single people in all affairs, as he has waived rights to anything I inherit,I have also waived similar to any inheritance he may get in future

OP posts:

Bellyups · 03/05/2021 13:46

You sound a little naive regarding not divorcing

MsTSwift · 03/05/2021 13:48

People who are still legally married but in reality separated are a legal nightmare. Couldn’t live like that - sort your affairs out properly and move on.

brokengate · 03/05/2021 13:59

Unless in Scotland. If in Scotland perfectly normal to have separation agreement and not divorce unless remarrying.

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 14:03

Explain ?
The thread I posted is about trying to succeed in getting to leave the house, not how to get divorced

OP posts:

MrsFin · 03/05/2021 14:08

@Thismightwork

"Waived" how, exactly?

MrsFin · 03/05/2021 14:09

@Thismightwork

Explain ? The thread I posted is about trying to succeed in getting to leave the house, not how to get divorced

You said country, not house. You said you wanted him to leave the country.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 03/05/2021 14:12

Change the locks. Otherwise why would he go

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 14:12

Last year he was to leave the country for work.
This year,now, asking in this thread, I'm seeking advice on succeeding to get him to leave the house. We are on good terms, good friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 14:13

We are not at each others throats ...Still good friends.

OP posts:

Tomyoneandonly · 03/05/2021 14:15

Op have you thought about leaving? I would save up some deposit and rent and just leave for a couple of months. Go to a solicitor get the locks changed on the house and give him notice to leave then after a few months
GO BACK HOME. I'm with you I don't like divorce and I would only divorce if 100pc ready. As you know he isn't going anywhere. So the only alternative is you leaving I know that's hard and different but as you said you have both got to get on with your life's.

Original poster

Thismightwork · 03/05/2021 14:26

@Tomyoneandonly

Op have you thought about leaving? I would save up some deposit and rent and just leave for a couple of months. Go to a solicitor get the locks changed on the house and give him notice to leave then after a few months GO BACK HOME. I'm with you I don't like divorce and I would only divorce if 100pc ready. As you know he isn't going anywhere. So the only alternative is you leaving I know that's hard and different but as you said you have both got to get on with your life's.

I'm paying mortgage. He hasnt worked in 2 years. I've got a well paid job,no debt. Why would I put my house in danger of unpaid mortgage payments. Agree about the divorce thing though.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 03/05/2021 15:55

Has he waived as in just told you he won't take anything? Are you relying on his good will? How long have you been married? The longer you stay married, the more he will legally be entitled to and in law he could just change his mind and go for your assets if he wants. It sounds like he's already a cock-lodger, so where's the incentive for him leave a nice, free lifestyle?

EmergencyHydrangea · 03/05/2021 15:59

If you were actually "best of friends" you wouldn't be scared to ask him to leave

category12 · 03/05/2021 16:11

If you have ensured he genuinely has no legal claim to stay in your home (which seems strange to me while you're still married, but anyway), just give him, say, 4 weeks notice to leave formally.

You say you both really get on still, so there should be no problem just saying "hey ex, I think it's time we both moved things along plus I want to have my house to myself now, so I'm giving you until [x date] to find somewhere else to live."

category12 · 03/05/2021 16:12

It might be that you need to give or loan him a deposit on a rental if he doesn't have the money.

wdmtthgcock · 03/05/2021 16:12

There's no way he's going anywhere when he can live in the house you are paying the mortgage on and he's doesn't even need to work.

I know you said the thread is about getting him to leave and not about divorcing him but if you started legal divorce proceedings you'd be able to get rid of him.

Go and see a solicitor - even if you don't want go get divorced... go and see what they say about how to get rid of him. And do not trust a word he says about waiving his right to this that and the other blah blah.

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