Deflated

[TammyT21]

When I moved in with my partner I realised he was drinking every night. I knew he liked a drink beforehand but I thought he was a social drinker. However I soon realised even if I wasn’t drinking he would still drink on his own in the house every night. Along with me worrying about his health, it was also the root cause of most issues. One of which was that our sex life suffered. The last 2 times we have tried to have sex he hasn’t been able to maintain an erection, one of which was tonight. I’m feeling so deflated & frustrated. I’m trying not to take it personally but these little thoughts creep in to question whether he doesn’t fancy me anymore. Even though logic tells me it’s because he’s been drinking all day today from mid afternoon. I’ve managed to get him to cut down his drinking but he still drinks 5 nights a week on average. Is that too much? And am I right the issue here is him and not me? If he stops drinking will this get better? Or is the damage done?

You can't fix someone who does not want to be fixed.

End this.

I've dated a couple of men where it became obvious they were 'problem drinkers'. They drank every night alone and their justifications were that they didn't become drunk. They didn't, which is why it took me a while to realise.

One of them became quite angry with me one night because we'd been out somewhere where he couldn't drink and, by the time we got home, the shops were closed so he couldn't get a bottle of wine to end the evening. The other drank gin every night and had physical symptoms of early onset liver disease which he ignored. Both held down full time responsible jobs, both were decent men if you ignored the drinking and related issues.

I ended both when I realised. There is absolutely no way I would have moved in with them. Your man is not going to be the exception to the rule. He will follow the same.pattern of behaviour as every other alcoholic ever.

Why would you do it to yourself? Why don't you want more?

TammyT21
My son has completely given up alcohol and all substances. No half measure with AA. Your partner has to decide himself to do it. Many people have done the 12 steps through AA and realised how important life is.
Good luck to you both.