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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unsure how I (26F) should proceed with this person and how he (35M) feels. Advice?

57 replies

miamichill · 02/05/2021 07:14

Had been talking to this guy for a few months prior to the meeting. He said he is open to a relationship but not with anyone (same). I ended up thinking that he was a bit too forward in the kindest way and I had gotten out of a relationship a month or so beforehand. We had some really great chats. I think he took it a bit negatively and blocked me on social media. I had noticed that he unblocked me on social media so I reached out saying it was probably a miscommunication. He responded positively and we had our first date. Said to me to come to his which we did, we ordered food to his (very gentlemanly sort of guy), attracted to each other, great chats again and we went on a little evening picnic. We both have similar interests in academic stuff. We only kissed that night. I got to his around 6 pm and left almost 12 hours later. He offered that I could stay the night but we could sleep in separate rooms or he was happy to drive me home but it was late, so he ordered an uber for me. We both are quite busy and we had our second date a few weeks later. He said it would be nice to hang again. A few days before our second date, he asked what I was up to one evening and offered movie night in PJs.

Anyway, the second date comes, I got to know him a bit better and he mentioned that we're quite similar. Joked that we both mumble a lot. Ended up sleeping together, not a selfish person, cuddled afterwards and had our good chats. The date went really long like last time and I got an uber home. He messaged me asking if I was okay and to send me the details of the driver. We have been in contact via social media a bit since.

I'm just unsure whether he should be the one that expresses what he wants in person or do I mention that this is what I'm after. He works till the evenings throughout the week and weekend so it seems that I can only see him after work hours.
He reached out asking how I am, days went by and I started to think that I didn't like it how I wouldn't know when I was going to see this guy again and that if it's not meant to be, it's all good. Immature but I sent him a text saying that I didn't like it how our two dates consisted at just his house and that I'm often left not knowing when I would see him again, I said I don't have expectations around texting.

He said he would talk to me the next day as he had a lot on his plate and he is sorry for not mentioning when he would like to see me again in the manner it deserves. I knew the answer wouldn't be good so I deleted him off my social media. He sent me a very rude message the next day saying I was immature, we ended up calling and he said that he thought he would be open to a relationship but he thinks he cannot provide what I would like. I then said to him that I've only met him twice and I'm unsure myself but I do like to know when I'm with someone if they would like to see me again such as 'this was great, when are you free next?' and weirdly he said he felt the same with me. He also said something along the lines of that he doesn't hear from me for days and is unsure of how I feel. He said forget the relationship talk, that he likes me and thinks I'm cool but he asked what my expectations were regarding texting and said he would like to see me again. He said we don't also have to be sexual when we catch up, we can be friends or anything.

The next day I said I would like to see him again but I would not pressure him but I understand if he doesn't as I don't want to waste my time. I apologised for blocking him. He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this fking bullshit right now, name. I said I've been accommodating enough and to not contact me again. He replied saying 'f* off, mate' and blocked my number and on WhatsApp. I noticed this morning he unblocked me.

TL;DR guy that I would have liked to have seen again has proved to be quite unstable. Unsure whether I've done the right thing but not ever going to talk to him again. We unfortunately are very similar and have similar interests. I've noticed that he's been blocking a lot of people on his Instagram. Seems unstable.

OP posts:
HalcyonSea · 02/05/2021 14:33

Wow, this is bonkers. All sounds incredibly childish. I agree with other posters, step away from dating and do some therapy to work through your issues. Nuts to behave like this going on about relationships and expectations after two dates!!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/05/2021 14:43

[quote litterbird]@miamichill, with the deepest of respect.....if you are repeating issues with the same type of man in the same industry I suggest you stop all relationships for now and come off from dating as it clearly isn't for you right now.[/quote]
Absolutely this.

OP you are clearly not in a healthy headspace for dating, it's been evident in a number of threads.

Are you hesitant about having some counselling to start putting healthy boundaries in place before dating anyone again?

Going to the houses of men you barely know is dangerous, can you see that?

I think subconsciously you equate intensity with investment, so if something is dramatic and angsty you give it a value headspace wise and think there must be something there for it to feel so intense / dramatic / angsty rather than addressing whether those things are partly down to your unhealthy boundaries if they are happening repeatedly rather than in a one off toxic dynamic.

RantyAnty · 02/05/2021 14:52

Read what JackieWeaverFever posted several times.

ArmsAroundAPotato · 16/05/2021 07:15

Oh wow tricky one OP

FuckyouCovid21 · 16/05/2021 07:28

I'm not sure he's the one in the wrong here! You shouldn't be dating...at all, take some time to work on yourself

Branleuse · 16/05/2021 07:34

Seems quite an odd sort of tiptoeing around imaginary feelings and then stressing yourself. Its not supposed to be that hard.
I wouldnt be interested in someone that blocked me whether they apologised or not

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 16/05/2021 08:09

@JackieWeaverFever

Is spot on. Why are you even giving this loser any headspace OP?

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