To hate DP right now.

[DoesTheQueenOrderChinese]

Backstory - been with DP for 6 years. He has a DD and I have no children. We conceived 3 years ago, DP persuaded me heavily towards an abortion. It was the right decision in hindsight but I still remember how upset he was. It made me think about how happy he was when his ex was pregnant with their DD (he told me when we were dating) and I kept thinking, well why am I any different? He promised it wasn't me, it just wasn't the right time but reassured me we would have children together eventually. I terminated the pregnancy.

Fast forward to last year, I was diagnosed with PCOS, I have severe endometriosis and subsequent scarring. DP has a low sperm count, my consultant advised me to try for a baby now if I wanted kids eventually. We were given a 5% success rate, even with treatment. DP agreed we would try.

Anyway, somehow I'm naturally pregnant. 8 weeks. I found out at the fertility clinic, just before my HSG that I was pregnant. So it wasn't a shock to him... we were at a fertility clinic.

He hasn't shown one bit of excitement, the pregnant is like an elephant in the room and we don't talk about. The conversations we have had are negative, "I'm worried about getting a mortgage" and "It's a huge change, we won't get to do things on a whim anymore" "it's a shock" etc. Literally nothing positive has come out of his mouth.

I'm in bed in tears because he clearly isn't interested, is he? He says he will come round but at this point, a corpse genuinely has more excitement.

Our relationship wouldn't survive another termination. I resent him already for not being interested. I'm so torn. Do I bring a baby into the world, knowing it's father isn't interested? Knowing it's father was crazily excited for his DD but not this child?

I am in a good position, I am in a managerial role where I qualify for enhanced maternity pay. I have a small amount of savings, not a lot, but enough to help. I also think that I may only get this opportunity once but that I deserve someone to be excited with and for me. For someone to be interested... 

It's cruel and heartbreaking knowing we were about to embark on fertility treatment and now he's not interested in the slightest. It's like he's going through the motions but he's not really here, if that makes sense?

He sounds very selfish.

It's significant that (it appears) he left his child's mother.

Anyone can be an "amazing" Dad when they only gave them 50% or less of the time, and they've got a new partner mucking in and helping look after & entertain them.

He left his ex, the mother of his child by the sounds of it, he was happy to have you step parenting his DD, he pushed you (?) into a termination when you fell pregnant before, and now he's not happy, negative, and making it clear he's only not pushing for another termination because he made (the mistake of) promising to TTC with you. The person who said he was banking on TTC not being successful is correct I think.

He's a selfish fk - happy as long as he gog everything he wanted and everything is set up to suit him; regardless of what you wanted or the importance of you having your own child etc.

I'd keep yourself in a position to go it alone if I were you because he's already ruining what should be a joyful lively time and I'd worry he'll walk out on (or just make untenable) your relationship sooner or later like he did with his first child's mother.

I have a feeling he'll expect you to everything because he:s been "forced" into this, and it's taking time, attention etc away from his DD and blah blah.

I've been flamed on here for saying this before but you need to be very very circumspect and cynical about divorced, separated etc men with kids .... With the majority of them, there are obvious reasons why they left their children's mother (or she kicked him out because she couldn't take any more) and the reasons are not often down to the woman's poor behaviour or selfishness.
There aren't many men separated from their kid's mum who are good partner material.

*We conceived 3 years ago, DP persuaded me heavily towards an abortion.

He promised it wasn't me, it just wasn't the right time but reassured me we would have children together eventually. I terminated the pregnancy.*

It sounds like you would have continued the pregnancy if he hadn't pushed you to abort. That's horrible.

And I'm.not trying to be cruel but I've seen that line repeated several times from older men to younger ones on a male dominated fitness forum I used to frequent; ok the relationships page when men were unhappy their girlfriends had fallen pregnant and were sounding off about it and asking for advice; it was always "tell her there'll be other children, tell her it's not the right time but it'll happen later" etc etc. to persuade their gfs to abort.

I bet his ex's side of the story about the breakdown of their relationship and family would be interesting.

@MarshmallowAra

I have a feeling he'll expect you to everything because he:s been "forced" into this, and it's taking time, attention etc away from his DD and blah blah.

I've been flamed on here for saying this before but you need to be very very circumspect and cynical about divorced, separated etc men with kids .... With the majority of them, there are obvious reasons why they left their children's mother (or she kicked him out because she couldn't take any more) and the reasons are not often down to the woman's poor behaviour or selfishness.
There aren't many men separated from their kid's mum who are good partner material.

OP, You sound like suchba lovely woman but I think he is a selfish prick.

Keep well, safe and independent.

You are worth so much better than this excuse.

Apologies, but "honour" my arse.🙄

Also who the fuck keeps shooting their baby batter up a woman and getting her pregnant, and then acting like it's a shock and he's been press ganged into it, and he&s doing his heavy burden duty standing by her, what a prince.

Fertility issues aside, he got you pregnant 3 years ago so it wasn't totally inconceivable it could happen again ... And how did that pregnancy happen if he didn't want a child back then? No condoms for backup? No clear communication & agreement around contraception?

Exactly, marshmallow , dude sounds gormless. Grown man acting shocked that repeatedly ejaculating in his girlfriend results in pregnancies. No wonder his child’s mother didn’t want him. Also, if he has his kid 50/50, why’s he giving the mother £500 a month? Does she give him £500 a month? Why not?