Conspiracy theorist partner

[Beetlewing]

DP is a conspiracy theorist. I've given up talking to him about anything related to ANYTHING. We get on ok as long as I constantly steer the convo away from anything he can get rabid about (was trump, then wayfair, Rothschild lizard people etc etc now it's covid vaccines) you get the picture .
So yesterday we had to go do a job and it meant calling in at a persons house. They were great, personable, genuine but a bit frothy about us wearing masks. Turns out she's an anti-vaxxer. DP took his off I kept mine on and stayed outside. Weirdly, they both became a bit ....conspratiorial. It was almost 'nudge nudge look at this unwoke idiot' sort of thing. I kept my chill. I don't care if people don't want to be safe, I'll do what I do.
So anyway on the drive back he went SO rabid on the subject of vaccines, saying he will not let the kids have a covid vaccine or even the flu vaccine (yeah ok not his decision) and so I told him I had my covid vax appt is this week and he started actually crying! Said how he was worried the kids wouldn't have a mum, scared for me etc etc obvs I told him to stop being so fucking dramatic. It's almost as if seeing another person who thinks like he does IRL (not on Reddit or YouTube lol) amped him up!
The way he carried on led me into thinking about cults and how this behaviour is just so incredibly culty. The manipulation, the histrionics. I just wanted to share with you the level of wank I put up with. There's no way I'd LTB because the kids love him, we have an good home set up and I am enough of an independent minded, critical thinking person I can mostly shrug it off, I still see it as (attempted) controlling behaviour. isn't it? And it's exhausting. does anyone with experience have any tips on dealing with this sort of thing?

I feel sorry for your DH. His beliefs stem from fear and he can't just switch them off. The more he researches (in an echo chamber) the more convinced he becomes. It's easy for folks to say "I'd leave him", but that's a cruel response.

Good luck OP, you alone know your DH best and the way to navigate this.

@SingingSands

I feel sorry for your DH. His beliefs stem from fear and he can't just switch them off. The more he researches (in an echo chamber) the more convinced he becomes. It's easy for folks to say "I'd leave him", but that's a cruel response.

Good luck OP, you alone know your DH best and the way to navigate this.

It’s not cruel to leave someone who’s views feed into a wider narrative of anti semitism

If this isn’t a dealbreaker for you, then it isn’t a dealbreaker for you. If he can’t stick to the ‘I agree to disagree’ principle, then I suspect your ‘this isn’t a dealbreaker’ stance will be seriously challenged.

I don’t agree with anti vaxer’s but that doesn’t give me the right to vilify them. I’d expect the courtesy I extend to them to be reciprocated

My Mr points out it would take so many people to keep quiet about conspiracy theories that they just can't be viable because of this alone.

I would hate this.
Love a discussion, can't do dumb as a stump though. But our discussions, let's stick with current affairs, are enlightening, I would be so bored without them.

Tell him he's boring, no one wants to be boring.

Sorry if DH told me he believed in lizard people my vagina would literally heal up.

Please be careful what your children are listening to.

A member of my family is like this (nuts). He had it in his head not long ago that the world was going to end and he was stockpiling tins of food for it etc... Planning to build a bunker kind of crazy.

He has moved on from that now but his poor DS never has. He is terrified, I can't tell you how much it has affected him. I honestly think SS should have stepped in tbh.

@DragonWillow sorry to hear this. I hope you don’t mind me asking as I am worried for a friend. She’s become more extreme in her views and at times is visibly shaky and upset. Nothing anyone says, no reassurance makes it better. Is there anything you want to share that might help others whose loved ones have fallen for all this?

Being with people like this is exhausting and stressful. Basically you’re trying to manage their behaviour. It’s not a good basis for a meaningful relationship or friendship.

^This with bells on. I’ve had friends like this, including one Covid denier, though not so extreme as your DH. I can’t imagine having to cope with a partner talking about conspiracies as ridiculous as Covid denial constantly. (Although I have Long Covid, which probably influences my feelings about this.)

This really isn’t healthy for your DC to be around.

The thing is these are our friends and loved ones that are clearly going through something major. I would love to know how to help. Should I challenge or not? Should I try and distract?

I am an atheist and have friends who are religious but I have never had them try to convince me that there is a God. They seem to accept my non belief and I accept they have religious beliefs that I don't agree with. But we run along quite nicely.

Oh no how annoying and exhausting. Not just listening to the conspiracy but then having to listen to the sobbing for days after your vaccine. Ffs he needs to get a grip.
I understand people feeling a bit sorry for him for believing such a stupid thing but he's at it, all the time!
"was trump, then wayfair, Rothschild lizard people etc etc etc..."

I couldn't keep dealing with it, honestly

@Flugbusters4

My ex was like this - got worse after I left him tbh. It was the way he looked down on me for not sharing all of his views that I found the hardest.

But now he's one of those crazy Facebook ranting sharing photos of empty hospital ward type people, and I'm mainly glad I don't have to be associated with that shit anymore.

Don't have much advice on how to cope I'm afraid, for me it was really like he'd slowly joined a religion and that was it - everything outside that wasn't true any more. Only you know if you're happy to live that way.

Ah, yes. The fucking imbeciles who went into the areas that are all closed at night because they're the fucking outpatient locations and peered in through the front door at reception, not thinking for a moment that there might be an absolutely fucking massive area behind the little section with plastic chairs that is where the people are actually treated.

I worked at one of those hospitals. Not one part of where they filmed has ever been open at night - because doctors aren't in the habit of treating patients on the floor outside Costa when they have a perfectly adequate set of three to four storey hospital buildings with theatres, wards and other treatment areas that they can use without ever having to set foot down the corridor leading between Outpatient Radiology/Fracture Clinic and Plaster Room and the stairs leading up from the Children's Day Unit and the post room. Except for A&E Reception, which is a miracle in optical illusion, as it makes the building look like a tiny room, instead of the huge structure behind it.

It's too much like hard work to have to deal with one of those in your own home as well.

My mum went deep down the conspiracy black hole. She's ejected me from her life now because I don't think the same way she does. I'd think very hard about how far you're willing to go with this because it won't get better.

This might help but it looks like a lot of hard work
theconversation.com/ive-been-talking-to-conspiracy-theorists-for-20-years-here-are-my-six-rules-of-engagement-143132

Interesting article jewel, but as you say, it sounds like a lot of hard work. The person I know is beyond this, and to be honest, I’m done.

This is all so sad and a universal problem. A big part of it I think is it that people that believe conspiracy theories align themselves on social media with people and videos, etc, that only support their view. They are not even open to considering ALL evidence. It only makes them descend further into the pits of insanity.