Conspiracy theorist partner

[Beetlewing]

DP is a conspiracy theorist. I've given up talking to him about anything related to ANYTHING. We get on ok as long as I constantly steer the convo away from anything he can get rabid about (was trump, then wayfair, Rothschild lizard people etc etc now it's covid vaccines) you get the picture .
So yesterday we had to go do a job and it meant calling in at a persons house. They were great, personable, genuine but a bit frothy about us wearing masks. Turns out she's an anti-vaxxer. DP took his off I kept mine on and stayed outside. Weirdly, they both became a bit ....conspratiorial. It was almost 'nudge nudge look at this unwoke idiot' sort of thing. I kept my chill. I don't care if people don't want to be safe, I'll do what I do.
So anyway on the drive back he went SO rabid on the subject of vaccines, saying he will not let the kids have a covid vaccine or even the flu vaccine (yeah ok not his decision) and so I told him I had my covid vax appt is this week and he started actually crying! Said how he was worried the kids wouldn't have a mum, scared for me etc etc obvs I told him to stop being so fucking dramatic. It's almost as if seeing another person who thinks like he does IRL (not on Reddit or YouTube lol) amped him up!
The way he carried on led me into thinking about cults and how this behaviour is just so incredibly culty. The manipulation, the histrionics. I just wanted to share with you the level of wank I put up with. There's no way I'd LTB because the kids love him, we have an good home set up and I am enough of an independent minded, critical thinking person I can mostly shrug it off, I still see it as (attempted) controlling behaviour. isn't it? And it's exhausting. does anyone with experience have any tips on dealing with this sort of thing?

When he goes off on one of his conspiracy rants simply don't engage

Go deadly silent and do not say a word

He wants a conversation about it so he can disagree with what you say. If you don't say anything he'll just be talking to himself and realise what an idiot he looks. You could even just walk off. Do not engage!

@PhilCornwall1

P.s since vaccination my phone signal is still shit and I can't control electrical items with mind control or by waving my hand . Quite disappointed actually 😂

Can't you?

You've been given one from a duff batch. I can unlock doors by farting now. Cool trick!! 💨

Well jealous 😂😂

Just lost a friendship because of this type of behavior. Endless rants, anti Covid vaccines, anti anything really. A lot of anger, with no ability to listen. Really controlling behavior. Shame as his partner told me they have lost so many friendships over it, and they are increasingly isolated.

My covid denier friend seems to have come down with covid (maybe). Her extended family have it and she’s been with them recently yet she’s still in denial.
She’s told me it’s just normal flu and everyone is being ridiculous. It’s always been known as flu in the past so what’s changed now?
We’ve had it and recovered and she says ‘it’s flu. Just like you had. Nothing more’
It just seems so important for her to label it as flu and not coronavirus.

There's no way I'd LTB because the kids love him, we have an good home set up and I am enough of an independent minded, critical thinking person I can mostly shrug it off, I still see it as (attempted) controlling behaviour. isn't it? And it's exhausting. does anyone with experience have any tips on dealing with this sort of thing?

You are already dealing with it very well, much better than I would. I couldn't cope with that level of wankery and I'd LTB. I need my life partner to be on roughly the same page as me about most of the things that matter to both of us, otherwise what's the point?

I guess free thinking and critical thinking are very important values to you both. But what your DH exhibits isn't critical thinking any more. I can understand a level of doubt or suspicion or anxiety over vaccinations, but getting so hysterical over vaccinations when he is already surrounded by a gazillion vaccinated people, that is really bizarre.

I have parted company with one acquaintance who said she was scared to be around vaccinated people. I messaged her to say that was us, and I never heard from her again.

She doesn't believe in Covid but thinks vaccinated people are "shedding" something.

As it's your partner, I do think you need to move to middle ground where both parties are prepared to be calm and listen....

But honestly, it's a choice. Crying because your partner wants the vaccine! Don't get me started on the other stuff.

I wouldn't be with my partner if they wanted to give my children the covid vaccine to be honest. Why would you want them to have it? They're not at risk and there have been zero long term studies on vaccines of this kind.
I'm not an antivaxer or a conspiracy theorist. But my kids won't be having an experimental medicine that they don't even need.

@Schrutesbeets
But you are an anti Covid vaxxer?
Don't try to justify it, just be honest.

[quote Sporranrummager]@Schrutesbeets
But you are an anti Covid vaxxer?
Don't try to justify it, just be honest.[/quote]
I'm not an anti vaxxer - both my children are fully vaccinated
I'm not really an anti covid vaxxer as adults are free to make their own informed decision to be in human trials for new medicines.
And if those adults want to sacrifice their children to it then unfortunately they have the right to do so.
But I wouldn't be with someone who wanted out children to be the Guinea pigs.

Sorry, @Schrutesbeets your choice of the phrases
Human trials
Sacrifices
Guinea pigs
All clearly show your stance, and it's not science based is it?

@Sporranrummager

Sorry, *@Schrutesbeets* your choice of the phrases Human trials Sacrifices Guinea pigs All clearly show your stance, and it's not science based is it?

Sorry but what science is telling you children need a covid vaccine?

Why would you want them to have it? They're not at risk and there have been zero long term studies on vaccines of this kind.

2 reasons. 1. So they're less likely ro spread it to other people some of whom will be vulnerable (the vaccines aren't 100% effective). 2. So your children don't form part of a pocket of infected and symptom-free people where a vaccine-busting variant can breed.

New inventions come along all the time and we're all guinea pigs for all kinds of things. The chances of the vaccine doing something weird to children in the long run are pretty remote but the chances of a vaccine busting variant are quite high, with all the risks of damage to your kids from more lockdowns etc.

Still, those are my reasons. It's up to you. I'm not too worried about some people such as yourself refusing on behalf of themselves or their kids, so long as most people are vaccinated.

DH is not on the conspiracy path at all, but there's no doubt in my mind that if he was surrounded by certain types he could go there. And I believe in his case it's because he never learnt how to assess and understand risk. He is having a covid vaccine but is terrified of blood clots. Which of course, I understand. But I don't understand how he seems to find that so terrifying but it's never crossed his mind to worry about, for example, long term medication I take.

He will see a potential accident on the road and spend 5 days agonising over what would have happened if him and the DC had been in the way of that potential accident but will not think twice about getting in the car every day.

A lot of people who are finding understanding Covid so hard do so because they think the world just IS a certain way, and anything that challenges that freaks them out.

I have a friend who, I suspect, is frantic with worry because the rest of us are so casually planning to vaccinate ourselves. She sends increasingly hysterical messages and if you engage with her even the tiniest bit, she takes it to mean that you are open to her crazy ideas. Most recently she's been punting all kinds of conspiracy theories from the Katie Hopkins and Naomi Wolff's of the world and can't understand why the rest of us won't watch their endless videos.

@Schrutesbeets I was typing a reply but @AmaryllisNightAndDay beat me to it and explained it brilliantly.
The main issue for me is variant reservoirs, as long as your happy with the risk to your children of a variant that does affect them, then you are of course welcome to make whatever decision you want.
As long as it's based on understanding the scientific issues, not because of the emotional manipulation of people using words like sacrifices or guinea pig.

@Triffid1
A lot of people who are finding understanding Covid so hard do so because they think the world just IS a certain way, and anything that challenges that freaks them out.
That is brilliantly put, @Beetlewing that sounds like it's the case for your DH?

Are you sure he isn't having a mental break down ?
Crying because he thinks you are going to die from the vaccine ,?going rabid nine of this is normal behaviour

I have a couple of friends like this. And they have become more extreme over time. And more anxious. I think they be on the road to a mental breakdown of some sort. Remember they truly believe whatever they believe and that must be very stressful for them.

@ Schrutesbeets so presumably you would never consent to any kind of treatment that had only been licenced within say the last 20 years or so?

You presumably don’t take any kind of medication because of the (known) side effects on the packet? Even down to multi vitamins?

And you’re presumably quite prepared to let your children die just because you don’t want them to be vaccinated?

The thing with these people who say that They won’t let their children have x or y because of what might happen to them are actually saying that they would rather their children die than give them a chance that they might not.

Same applies to MMR anti vaxxers.

I have a device in my heart called a mitraclip. It was only licenced for use on the NHS in December 2018 and I had it fitted in 2019. And there will have been people before me who were trial subjects who will have had it done before it was licenced, when the long term effects were unknown.

and truth is, the long term effects are still unknown, but the current impact is that I’m alive. If I hadn’t had it fitted, then I wouldn’t be. So I’ll take that for now.

But for the people bleating on about vaccine long-term effects, I’d be interested to see which vaccines have ever had long term side effects, because as far as I’m aware, there aren’t any. So why would the COVID vaccine be any different?

OP, all children of divorced parents love both of them. If parents always stayed in relationships because “the children love him” then nobody would ever separate and people would be in miserable relationships.

The fact the children love him isn’t enough reason to stay. But the fact he will end up poisoning your children and turning them into clones of himself is definitely reason to leave.

personally I wouldn’t stay, and neither would I maintain a friendship with anyone with these kinds of views. And people who use the word “sheeple” make me want to throw things.

And you’re presumably quite prepared to let your children die just because you don’t want them to be vaccinated?

The chance of my child dying because they haven't had a covid vaccine in basically zero. It's statistically insignificant.
For gods sake, if you're going to claim to follow the science then you would know that children are at no risk. That's why they're all in nurseries and schools licking the same shit as all their friends.

Totally agree that this sort of thing is very along the lines of cults - one of my closest friends went heavily down the Qanon path, cut off all her friends & family, in fact anyone that didn't agree with her.

Unfortunately she is now no longer with us & people are left behind wondering what else they could have done. It's all so sad

We get on ok as long as I constantly steer the convo away from anything he can get rabid about

In other words, you don't really get on at all because your entire relationship is built on quick sand. One false move and down you go into the rabbit hole.

There's no way I'd LTB because the kids love him, we have an good home set up

This is a very sad statement indeed. A good "set up" is more important than protecting your children from an unhinged fuckwit? Conspiracy nuts are not known for magically getting better, in fact they usually get worse. How long are you willing to live this way?

I'd be scared if my oh started behaving like this op. It means they're unpredictable. Their responses aren't normal or based in reality.
What if he tried to physically stop you getting the vaccine or something? I know that sounds extreme and paranoid in itself but that kind of behaviour might make sense if he thinks he's saving you. It's too bizarre. I don't think you should just shrug it off, I think you should keep a very close eye on his behaviour.

My worry about your DP would be, is this problem getting bigger or smaller? You are coping well but there's that boiled-frog effect where it starts off as avoiding just a few things that don't matter very much.... but then the areas of disagreement between you get bigger and bigger, and his response to these disagreements gets more intense and less rational, and there are more and more important things you have to avoid.

It does sound potentially controlling though at the moment you still seem to be able to do what you think is right for yourself and for the children, if you insist. Did your DH react OK when you told him stop the dramatics? If he starts responding badly when you pull him up, or if he really tries to stop you, then it could get severely controlling.

Being with people like this is exhausting and stressful. Basically you’re trying to manage their behaviour. It’s not a good basis for a meaningful relationship or friendship