How the hell do I keep things “chilled”?!

[LostStars39]

Just before I go into the situation I will say I already know I’m insecure and tend to overthink EVERYTHING! I also tend to go on a bit of a negative spiral and know I have issues with this so please don’t bash me for this as I’m aware of it

So basically I met this guy, we’ll call him Sam, over tinder (I know I know...)
He’s said he’s looking to date someone and get to know them with the view of it ending in a relationship.

Sams 39 and I’m 28, he’s lovely and we get on really well. We were talking most days for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet up for a drink (last Thursday) this went really well and we clicked and spent the whole evening laughing which was lovely.

Fast forward to the weekend, I barely heard anything from him, which is fine and people are busy, but then Sunday we spent a lot of the day messaging.

On Monday I went to his and he cooked dinner and again we had a really nice evening. He’s very attentive, and it just generally feels like we’ve known each other a lot longer than we have.
We watched tv and cuddled and kissed and some other stuff happened but we didn’t have sex.

Fast forward to yesterday, I barely heard anything from him all day and all night. A normal rational person would say this is completely fine, however me being me starts panicking and convincing myself he’s seeing other women. I mean even if he is he’s totally in his right to as we’re not official and nothing like that has been discussed, but I just feel like I’m driving myself mad wondering when he’s going to message me?!

How do you normal people cope with this? He’s messaged me this morning but I just don’t know how to keep it “chill” while we’re still in the early stages of dating?

I so want to ask him what he was doing last night, I definitely won’t but how do I deal with going forward?

Apologies if this was the most boring post!

If you find you get too overinvested in a guy OP you've given too much of yourself away emotionally or physically (or both). It's natural to think about someone a lot if you really like them but the problem with online dating is that the vast majority of men treat it like an online sweetshop of endless possibilities.

Definitely do not sleep with him. He will certainly be at least chatting with other women. Also be careful that some men go for significantly younger women as they can be easier to control or the men themselves don't truly want to settle down. All you have are his words which currently mean nothing until action happens e.g. he could just be spinning the relationship line like a lot of men do to string a woman along for a few months of easy sex before moving onto the next woman.

As others have said, keep on chatting to/dating at least one other man and also keep things up with your friends and hobbies. Never let a man be the centre of your life while dating .

Thank you so much everyone! I am talking to one other guy, but feel like now things (are/were?) progressing with Sam he sort of took over my attention a bit.

And yes to the poster said about giving away too much of myself emotionally - that is me 1000% and I don’t know how to hold back.

I’ll be back to swiping right on tinder tonight though 😂

A bit of mystery from your side isn't a bad thing either.

Think if it was the other way round, if a casual date was "asking what you were doing last night" it would be smothering.

As a general rule it's exhausting worrying about stuff you can't do anything about.

@LostStars39 you sound exactly like me. Thank you for this post it’s given me some guidance 🤦🏼‍♀️ Only issue is I haven’t got the time to date lots of men! Haha

@Eew2007
So relieved it’s not just me, I was starting to feel out of control!

Bit of an update, I came on my period today so think a lot of yesterday’s crazy feelings were pms related
I’m going round to his tomorrow after work and he’s cooking for me again and I’m not going to have sex with him!

@LostStars39 have a lovely evening and stick to you guns

@Eew2007 I’ll try my very best!