Need a woman's advice on my situation

[Fuller92]

Just looking for advice off any women as to a difficult position I'm in as the past year me and my partner had gone through a really bad time as she got pregnant with our second child without my knowledge at the time as she secretly stop taking her contraception even tho we had talks as I didn't want to have anymore children with her due to her almost dying from the first one due to her having health problems so due to this my head had been a complete mess and I couldn't think strait and I was just pushing her away in the end I moved out in November because of all the stuff going on in my head even tho my heart was telling me to stay but eitherway she started talking to a guy of tinder even tho she kept telling me she wanted me back but by February I realised I had made a mistake but I was to afraid to tell her how I really felt I was almost ready to tell her by March but she was starting to push me away then end of March after taking my daughter home I found out that she was with this guy and she wanted nothing to do with me other than Co parent this guy that she is with seems very pushy and to forward as he had only slept with her the day they met and 2 days later he was buying her expensive gifts and stuff for my kids but recently I found out that the gifts that he got her was the same as what he got his ex possibly even belongs to her people have told me I should tell my ex but I don't think it will change anything as I really do want her back but she is still hurt as I wasn't there for her when she needed me most and as I can't stress enough I was in a bad place at the time people keep saying to just give it time as he is probably just a rebound but I can't see that being the case as I know how my ex isdue to her being insecure and not like being on her own but as I said I made the biggest mistake of my life by walking out and was a month to late to fix all of this just don't know what to do.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Drip feed of the century there bro 🤔

What do you mean?

I personally can't think of anything more heartbreaking than my partner leaving when I've just had a baby, the exhaustion, lack of support and her thoughts must have been has he got someone else?

Not conducive to bringing up a family, her head must have been utterly mashed. Poor woman.
You blame her for getting pregnant, most women with one child who reaches school age think about their second, with the same father, sounds like a natural progression to me, but sounds like the excuse you wanted.
All you have prooved to her is that you are an unreliable partner and father.
What you should have posted is " How can I win her back"
You may get different responses then.

@Onthedunes

I personally can't think of anything more heartbreaking than my partner leaving when I've just had a baby, the exhaustion, lack of support and her thoughts must have been has he got someone else?

Not conducive to bringing up a family, her head must have been utterly mashed. Poor woman.
You blame her for getting pregnant, most women with one child who reaches school age think about their second, with the same father, sounds like a natural progression to me, but sounds like the excuse you wanted.
All you have prooved to her is that you are an unreliable partner and father.
What you should have posted is " How can I win her back"
You may get different responses then.

And as I had also said that even tho I left I was still helping her I may not of been there full time but I was there as I do have the kids as much as I can

Your poor children.

That poor little girl in the middle of all this drama. She must be so confused mummy and daddy still cuddling up, but not being together and mummy having a new special friend.

Everyone involved needs to grow up and put her first by taking getting back together off the table. It's become a toxic dynamic, that's clear. Focus on coparenting and not on agonising over getting back together.

You essentially left her to fend for herself.

What do you think being a father is? you have to protect the children, just like in the animal kingdom females will find a new mate if they are abandoned, I don't think thati s what you really wanted is it.

Now you have a new problem that is far bigger than your relationship woes, there is another man who you don't know from Adam in close proximity of your babies.
Speak to your partner, it is far too soon for him to be staying with her near your children.

@Onthedunes

You essentially left her to fend for herself.

What do you think being a father is? you have to protect the children, just like in the animal kingdom females will find a new mate if they are abandoned, I don't think thati s what you really wanted is it.

Now you have a new problem that is far bigger than your relationship woes, there is another man who you don't know from Adam in close proximity of your babies.
Speak to your partner, it is far too soon for him to be staying with her near your children.

I have already spoken to her about this but her view on it is up to her what she does and all her friends abd family have told her is do what ever make her happy so they are not bothered that she has another man around our children so she says as ibdont know what she has told her friends and family only what she has told me. But eitherway all I know is that I screwed up, it may not of been intentional but none the less I know I should of never left I made a bad choice on my part I should of listened to my heart and now I'm paying for it as well as the kids and what makes it worse is that I grew up never knowing my own father and I've never really had a father figure in my life either just this whole thing has become a mess abd I don't know what to do other than the advice of people that know what me and her are like and give it time and be there for the kids

Dude, please use commas and full stops, your posts are dire.

Well, the truth is that your boat has sailed. Accept it and move on. Concentrate on co-parenting and being there for the kids.

My advice would be that if you feel strongly about not creating a baby then you need to take full responsibility for contraception and not rely on your partner.

You have to forget what you want and concentrate on your children. Your partner was wrong to bring in a new man and introduce him to the children so soon however, she must have been in bits when you left having a small child and pregnant with you treating her so badly. She probably got so close so soon because she was vunerable. If you seriously think your children are in danger you must ring social services and tell them your reasons. However, if it's just you being jealous and looking for signs where there aren't any leave her alone to be happy, be a good dad to your kids and make a new life for yourself. Be the grown up you should be.

@Carbara

Dude, please use commas and full stops, your posts are dire.

And the would of/could of, when it is HAVE. Would have, could have, should have, not of. It's painful to read, so many of us will give up.