Should I tell him how he made me feel/what to do

[buki93]

I've been dating a guy for about 2 months, we've been seeing each other a couple of times a week, staying over at each other's houses, going for walks, hanging out, playing games, cooking together, spending the night...

We both wanted something serious and made that clear from quite early on so as to not waste time.

We talked every day, sending memes and discussing work, general nice conversation, we have lots in common.

2 weeks ago I said goodnight to him (we did that pretty much every day before sleeping) and he didnt reply - fair enough I thought, hes probably gone to sleep😅

Next day there were no messages from him whatsoever, I texted a "Hey how are you today" and again, no reply all day. Next day I sent "hey just checking you're ok? Hope work is being good to you" and again, no reply.

The day after that I was a bit worried mainly because this guy texts all day long and we are both quite talkative so I tried calling, no answer.

He then messaged me that evening saying "big problem I'll let you know I'm sorry"

So I immediately think oh crap i hope everything is ok, hope his health is good, hope everything is alright with this job and family.

So thennn I text him "ohhh hope everything is ok, I'm so sorry. Let me know if theres anything I can do to help"

No replies after that for one whole week.

I waited 8 days and texted him to please update me whenever he could, I've been worried (which I genuinely had).

Again no response. That was around 3pm.

That evening about 11pm I'm on Instagram and I see hes posted a photo of him kissing a girl on the cheek, another photo with them both in it and a couple more of some place they went to together for the day.

I just thought WOW. What happened to communication? I would have had SO much more respect for him if he said "listen we are just not working out but I wish you the best" instead of full on ignoring me like this.

I'm not going to pretend it's been years with this person and I'm so so hurt I've lost him - it's only been two months. However there have been beautiful memories and I did like him very much.

I sent him a message after seeing the photos saying "I don't really know what to say haha, it just would have been nice if you let me know we weren't working out 🙃 just so I knew that's all. Instead of not communicating it because I had truly no idea. I wish you all the best anyway".

He saw that immediately and no reply.

I just feel like I (or any human being) deserve to be told about where we are at in the relationship. I feel extremely sad - not because I'm losing him but mainly because I feel that I have been treated so badly and with an element of total disrespect. I feel kinda disposable.

What makes things a bit worse is that I had made him some toy model thingies, he knows I'd made them and I'd spent quite a lot of time money and effort on them (I kept him updated throughout the process as I treated it like a commission) and he knew I was going to give those to him next time I saw him. He also knew I had planned to cook a special dish for him to bring over with me on our next date to enjoy.

These little things to me, just seem to add to the whole disrespect thing and make it seem like he didnt care.

I'd love to know if anyone agrees with me about this and also if you think I should text him yet again, letting him know how i feel or should i just leave and forget him entirely like he seems to have done with me?

It's still all very fresh so excuse the lack of structure and the length of this absolute essay!

Thank you..

I wouldn't bother messaging him again, he isn't worth the free text. I would however send her a factual message telling her what he has been doing, send her screen shots of any dated photos or texts around the time you know he was seeing you both ( it was only a short, although hurtful experience for you) however you don't know how long it's been for her. After that I would delete any trace of him from your phone/sm then block him and her on everything. Provide her with the required evidence then remove yourself from the entire situation making a dignified exit.
Lick your wounds and chalk it up to experience, you will get over it op, sadly you'll be less trusting but that's not always a bad thing.
On the other hand she can make up her own mind, the chances are he'll feed her a pack of lies and she will stick around but best case scenario she will take note and sack him off, at worst that seed of doubt would be there and she'll put her protective guard up. Either way it isn't your problem afterwards.
I was in a similar situation, I did that, she stayed but she messaged me months later admitting my information was the start of the veil falling and definitely helped her see the light sooner.

What a ball bag. Not worth anymore of your time, put all your energy into forgetting all about him. You dodged a bullet there op.

No. Tell him nothing. Tell her nothing.

They don't care. If he cared, he would not have done this awfully cruel and heartless thing to you.

It sounds harsh but your going to have get through this without contacting him. You will never ever get any true answers from him.

He clearly presented this lovely persona that simply wasn't true. You should pity the girl he is with.

He will pop up again. And most likely try to persuade you to get back with him.

Please don't.

I hope you feel a lot better soon because you sound like an absolute diamond.

You thought you knew him and he just showed you that you didn't at all. He is not worth a second thought. Don't contact him again as you will be feeding his ego.
Sorry this has happened to you.

Yes to a dignified silence. Block and move on. What a piece of work he is.

Don't message him.
Please do NOT message her - you and the guy weren't exclusive so they will just laugh at you for messaging her and especially sending screenshots as someone suggests!

You will feel soo much more anger and hurt when they either don't respond or brush you aside as a bunny boiler.

I have been there and it hurt so much it took me ages to get over it. But if I was messaging them it would have made me feel so much worse, and looking back I'm proud of myself for completely disappearing (and ignoring his calls when he tried reaching out to me).
Please, rise above it and keep your dignity. Hurt in silence. It will pass ❤️

Tell him if it makes you feel better. I wouldn’t worry about the “dignity” thing - who gives a flying fuck what this cunt thinks of you? Sometimes it can just be therapeutic to get your feelings out there. Bottling them up can make you go a bit loopy. (It does for me, anyway).

But it might of course make you feel worse. Realistically, in no universe is he going to reply and say “Shit yeah, you are right, I HAVE been awful”. He will almost certainly ignore you. So think about whether that will cause you further pain.

You could consider telling the girlfriend. You would probably be doing her a favour. But it IS possible she knew about you and just thought he was non-exclusive with you both. In which case you won’t achieve much and that might hurt you even more....:

In a similar situation I 'returned' the 'bad' news by meeting with my 'partner' following my GP suggesting I had an STI. (I had pelvic inflammatory and an STI may have been the cause)
Explained i had to meet him face to face because i had something serious to tell him.

It was a delight to see his face, for him to have to admit he'd been sleeping unprotected with someone else ( we had talked about this loads...he had always said I was the 'only one') I said of course the GP has said he must tell his GF too!

My did he squirm!

I took the moral high ground at the meeting, 'you know I don't sleep around, it can only have come from you'.
As his GF was 25 years younger than him, I added ' oh and my GP said -
"it is only a small chance that you have chlamydia, she said she would be very surprised as I'm not in the age bracket for this".

I explained that she went on to say-
-"it is much more likely that your son or daughter would have it, it's a young person's disease "

I told him she laughed and said -
"but you wouldn't surely be sleeping with anyone of THAT age"

• an over exaggeration on my part, of course - my GP didn't say all of that!

He arranged testing.

A week later I text to say 'I'm all clear - it's a pelvic inflammation!"

And never contacted him again....( except he got in touch 5 months later to cry about said GF being pregnant....).

Jesus don't text him again!
Draw a line under this, block him and don't torture yourself by looking his or the girlfriends social media.
❤️

Please don’t text again op. He’s made it clear he’s moved on, I’m sorry. No good can come of it. It will only make you feel worse as he will continue to ignore you, hold on to your dignity, delete and block.

He sounds like an absolute nutcase. Thank goodness you have found out now!

What a shame about the models. Can you donate them somewhere they'd be properly appreciated?

“We both wanted something serious and made that clear from quite early on so as to not waste time.”

Unfortunately, there are men who will simply say what they think will get them laid/get them condom-free sex sooner or whatever. Very early on, you may know you’re looking for a serious relationship but you can’t really know whether the person you’re dating will be the person you achieve a serious relationship with. Ultimately, you have to let these things evolve over time (longer than 2 months) and only that way can you really know whether or not a relationship is going to become long-term. So early declarations have to be treated with a pinch of salt.

This isn’t intended as a criticism, OP, just a heads-up. FWIW, it was my dad who tipped me off to this. Not what you really want to hear from your dad but the advice has proved accurate time and again.

OP so sorry this happened and even though it is only 2 months still hurts like hell.

Just be so so so glad you found out what a weasel he is now, rather than after a year or 5 years or 20 years (like I did)

Please don't message him again, no good will come of it, it won't make you feel better. Block and move on.

Wether you tell his current gf that he had both of you on the go, well that's a different thread.

Trouble with sending another message is that you think it will bring closure but what you're actually looking for is a response/validation. Very unlikely that you will get that from this guy given his behaviour to date. Then you might want to send another message and so on.

When l have been hurt l always want to say my bit but you have to make sure that if you do this you will be ok if there is no response/silence.

Do whatever will make you feel better (sod what he thinks) but try to think of all scenarios and how you will ultimately feel as a result of your actions. Messaging him might bring short term relief but might make you feel more hurt in the long run.

He's an absolute twat and I am so sorry he hurt you like this. As lots of other people have said, don't text him or her. The best thing you can do is block him and stop Internet stalking and just forget about him. He will be getting a massive ego boost thinking you are thinking about him so much. Don't give him the satisfaction. You got a lucky escape!x

Yuck what a prick! I would send the gf a message and then delete all messages from him and forget him. What happened and what he said probably wasn't real. The gf deserves to know- it's not like you just went on a few dates - staying over, seeing each other a few times a week, constant contact etc is definitely the beginning of a relationship. So he was also doing the same with another girl or on a dating site or in real life.

I'm a bitch, so I'd message the girl and tell her, including screenshots of any incriminating messages.

Delete the prick out of your life.

He sounds like an arse - you are well rid. Although it never feels like that

Just block him and keep a dignified silence. It will bother his ego more that you are not arsed.

Can you sell the models online and put the money towards a facial or something else to pamper yourself?

Move on OP but , with kindness, maybe take things a little slower next time. No more toy models until the relationship is well established!

He has behaved shitily towards you, (rather typically) not being straightforward. It was horrible that he posted about his new squeeze online.

You will move on from this.

I do wonder how you've managed to see the man so often for two months considering we have been in lockdown.

100% you need to go for total SILENCE. It’s far more enigmatic. Yes I agree women have been conditioned to not say how they feel etc but in this case, where technically he doesn’t owe you anything, it’s far more effective to just disappear. If he’s bothered to know how you feel then just leave him wondering. Then for all he knows, maybe you’ve just moved on/forgotten him etc. A text telling him how you feel could just be twisted in his mind that you were too invested and he’s better off without you, or had a lucky escape (I don’t think you were too invested by the way!)

I'd be tempted to send her a message, not to be vindicative but she might be a very decent human being who's been strung along too.

Something like.

I just wanted to you be aware I dated X from xxx to xxx, we are now finished however I wasn't aware he was dating others during our time together and I wanted to reach out in case you weren't aware.

For me it's not about causing trouble, Its about women looking our for other women, many times people haven't realised they're the 'other woman' until they're told.

With him, there's no point saying anything. Its cruel to affectively ghost someone you've been seeing for a few months. He could have easily text you then blocked you. He's delusional at best

He’s a coward and a prick. I’m sorry op. Id he hurt too. Delete delete delete.

No dont tell him!! He wouldn't give a shit..keep your dignity