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Original poster

Pictures on husbands phone

41 replies

WalesStar · 27/04/2021 12:30

Hello. Can’t be bothered to name change.
The other day toddler DS was playing with DHs work phone. He took a few pic so I thought I’d have a look to see what he’d taken. Phone was locked but I know the pass code.
When I looked at the photos there were several pictures of naked women he’d downloaded off the internet.
I’m gutted as our relationship has been struggling recently and he has refused to talk about it. Our sex life is nonexistent and obviously now I know why. I feel like asking him to leave but am I just making a mountain out of a molehill? Is this a big deal? I’m so upset with the constant rejection and then him looking at these pictures! ☹️

OP posts:
Swordfish1 · 27/04/2021 13:35

I'm so sorry you are going through this. No you are not making a mountain out of a molehill. That is really shit of him.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I'm too old to put up with that sort of crap and disrespect anymore.

If he preferred looking at random naked women over having a loving intimate relationship with me, he can fuck off.

LaBellina · 27/04/2021 13:37

I also wouldn’t like it especially because your sex life is non existent.

YouKnowNothingJonSnow1 · 27/04/2021 14:08

I’d be really really pissed off especially because your sex life is non existent. Ugh men

MandalaYogaTapestry · 27/04/2021 14:22

It's annoying and upsetting but not a dumpable offence IMHO

Original poster
WalesStar · 27/04/2021 14:34

Thanks for your responses. I’m going to speak to him about it tonight. I really don’t know where we can go from here though.

OP posts:
BeeDavis · 27/04/2021 14:52

Are they just random photos of women from Google? I couldn’t get annoyed about it to be honest, I’d quite happily save a naked photo of Zac Efron in my phone if I could find one 😆

Burnley88 · 27/04/2021 15:50

Have an open mind, occasionally male "friends" send dirty pics on whatsapp and they go in your gallery (taking up space on your phone annoyingly unless you find the whatsapp folder)
The bigger issue is trying to unpick the whole "chicken / egg" scenario behind lack of intimacy, and a degradation in your relationship. It takes a bit of communication and vulnerability from you both to fix that.
Dont be drastic

CoconutMaracas · 27/04/2021 16:34

Do you think there might be more than these pics? I’d worry if he was on other sites etc , could you do any digging? I’m just recalling another thread on here with a porn addict . Sure he’s not that bad but just in case it’s the tip of the iceberg.
If it was me and it was just these pics then I would get a bit annoyed but not dump someone. I would have a chat about what was going on with sex life though

Shoxfordian · 27/04/2021 17:39

Those pictures aren’t necessarily anything to do with your sex life. He’s probably just saved them to wank over, all men wank, it’s not great but it’s not anything to do with your relationship

fantasmasgoria1 · 27/04/2021 23:12

The fact that your relationship is struggling and your sex life is gone is enough for you to question things. I totally get why you would feel betrayed by this. When you have someone who doesn't want to have sex with you but is downloading these pictures it makes you feel far less confident and like you are not good enough. You feel he obviously can't fancy me because he doesn't look at me but he is looking at these women. Oh and all men don't wank.

Burnley88 · 28/04/2021 12:26

@fantasmasgoria1

The fact that your relationship is struggling and your sex life is gone is enough for you to question things. I totally get why you would feel betrayed by this. When you have someone who doesn't want to have sex with you but is downloading these pictures it makes you feel far less confident and like you are not good enough. You feel he obviously can't fancy me because he doesn't look at me but he is looking at these women. Oh and all men don't wank.
They do
fantasmasgoria1 · 28/04/2021 15:38

No they don't! They really don't! Unless my Fiance is having a wank at work which I doubt very much then he doesn't. I have actually talked to him about things people write on here saying all men look at porn or wank. He says it makes him really angry that people think this about all men. He doesn't look at porn for starters and he doesn't wank. At his work its mainly a male environment and he said some of the stuff that men say would surprise you. There are more men that don't watch porn than you think. Men that hate oral sex for example.

Hemsworthsbicep · 28/04/2021 20:10

I think an awful lot do watch porn and w@nk but not every single one

Washingtofold · 29/04/2021 10:30

@Hemsworthsbicep

I think an awful lot do watch porn and w@nk but not every single one
True and unbelievably some men wank without using porn Some even object to supporting the sites that frequently allow non consensual content, promote the younger the better with ‘barely legal ‘ crap or worse, actual abuse There are some decent men
DeadlyMedally · 29/04/2021 10:34

Naked pictures of women is not the reason he is not having sex with you.
That is an issue whether he has pictures on his phone or not and that's the thing to be addressed.

Seadad · 29/04/2021 14:30

Agree with others- I don't think the pictures are the cause- they are a symptom of something preventing connection in your relationship.

Tlollj · 29/04/2021 14:35

If your toddler was playing with the phone he could have seen the photos too. Surely that’s reason enough to be steaming.

McAvennie · 29/04/2021 14:40

Naked pictures downloaded from the Internet on his work phone?

Not only disrespectful to you but surely likely to land him in some hot water at work if that sort of thing is monitored by IT?

Notagain20 · 29/04/2021 14:46

@Shoxfordian

Those pictures aren’t necessarily anything to do with your sex life. He’s probably just saved them to wank over, all men wank, it’s not great but it’s not anything to do with your relationship
Ew. Low bar.
Notagain20 · 29/04/2021 14:56

Sounds like there's a few things here, which probably should be looked at separately.

Your relationship is struggling, sex life non existent but he won't talk about it. That's not good - the refusing to talk about it I mean. People's libidos ebb and flow and are sometimes out of sync, it happens, needn't be a major problem if both people are willing to talk about it and understand how each other is feeling. You're feeling rejected and he won't talk about it - that's crap and selfish of him.

Naked women on his phone - several problems, including your child seeing them, him having inappropriate stuff on a work device, him viewing women as objects he can have a casual wank over etc. My guess is that he will refuse to talk about all that as well.

Good luck

Original poster
WalesStar · 29/04/2021 14:58

Still trying to establish why he was looking at the pictures. He doesn’t seem able to say.

OP posts:
Notagain20 · 29/04/2021 15:06

Sexual stimulation presumably? It's up to you how you feel about that. Some women think "that's just how men are", for others it's a deal breaker that they use porn because of what it says about what value they put on women.

DeadlyMedally · 29/04/2021 16:23

@WalesStar

Still trying to establish why he was looking at the pictures. He doesn’t seem able to say.
He was looking at them to want. He doesn't want to tell you because you will take issue with it. This isn't rocket surgery.
DeadlyMedally · 29/04/2021 16:23

*wank

Lamentations · 29/04/2021 16:35

He's looking at them because men like sexual images of women and yes, they do wank. Unconnected to your lack of sex life most likely. THAT is what you need to hash out with him.

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