Looking at pictures

Vickyjane88 · 2021-04-27T08:57:53+00:00

I've noticed my partner as looked at a couple of pictures of women on Facebook, they live local to us he hasn't liked them or messaged them that I know of. Maybe they popped up in people you may know. How would you feel about this because I don't know how to feel about it. I trust him 100 %

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2021 09:58

Wouldn’t bother me remotely, I look at peoooe on face book often. He didn’t die from the waist down when he got with you.

SoftPower · 27/04/2021 10:11

How did you know he was looking at these women?

If snooping outright or otherwise (looking over someone’s shoulder), this will not help you and will cause you to feel increasingly more secure.

Do things with your time that make you feel good.

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 10:17

I can understand why it would bother you.

Some women on here seem completely fine with their men looking at other women, fancying them etc. I hate it personally and although you cant help where your eyes may wander when out and about, you CAN help who you click on, online. That's a choice.

For me, it would depend on the women and what pics he has been looking at. Then I'd ask him.

Every time on here.....every fucking time.....women are told "stop snooping!" "How dare you invade his privacy!" "YOURE the problem....its normal for men to look at pics of other women....get over it, sheesh!".

Then what happens? The women ignores her gut. The man continues being sneaky, because he is not being called on it .... his wife is worried she'll look "crazy" for asking.

Fuck that. If it worries you enough to post here, listen to that feeling.

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 10:19

@SoftPower

How did you know he was looking at these women?

If snooping outright or otherwise (looking over someone’s shoulder), this will not help you and will cause you to feel increasingly more secure.

Do things with your time that make you feel good.

I was looking through the history on the family pc for a link I recently went on then I noticed them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 10:20

@Imjustsootired

I can understand why it would bother you.

Some women on here seem completely fine with their men looking at other women, fancying them etc. I hate it personally and although you cant help where your eyes may wander when out and about, you CAN help who you click on, online. That's a choice.

For me, it would depend on the women and what pics he has been looking at. Then I'd ask him.

Every time on here.....every fucking time.....women are told "stop snooping!" "How dare you invade his privacy!" "YOURE the problem....its normal for men to look at pics of other women....get over it, sheesh!".

Then what happens? The women ignores her gut. The man continues being sneaky, because he is not being called on it .... his wife is worried she'll look "crazy" for asking.

Fuck that. If it worries you enough to post here, listen to that feeling.

He asked me last night what I was looking at I showed him and I said men which it wasn't he knew this, he said he wouldn't be bothered if I look. But to me that feels like he doesn't care about me.

OP posts:

seensome · 27/04/2021 10:23

Depends, if they look desperately single, overly filtered, not much clothes on, I would wonder why he's looking but if it's just another female, then no, could be just curiosity, could be a number of reasons why he's looked them up to be nosey.

Tallybeebloom · 27/04/2021 10:24

I can get why you wouldn't like it but if it's just a couple there could be a totally innocent reason for it. I have random people request me on FB sometimes, men and women. Sometimes I'll look at their photos to double-check if I don't know them. Or sometimes I might see someone comment on a group or something I'm in and I look at their profile to see where they're from or they might appear to have an interesting viewpoint/life and I'm a bit nosy about it.
There could be lots of innocent reasons but if you don't like it I would just mention to him and say you noticed he was going to their pages and you feel a bit uncomfortable. His reaponse will probably tell you what you need to know.

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 10:33

He wouldn't mind? If you were looking at pics of other men?? Why not?

Maybe I'm a minority but I think that screams of disrespect. It's just not cool

Like others said, the women he looked up.... normal, everyday pics or sexy pics? It sometimes makes a difference

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 10:36

It was my husband doing shit like this that first started me off. Random other women, actresses, porn stars, women he spotted when out and about and looked up, all sorts. He claimed it was his wank bank.

17 years of marriage destroyed

I'll never know if he did more than look. Dating sites were found, no profiles though. Escort websites found, but again no evidence.

2 years later. I'm still here. I've cheated on him. Our marriage is a farce. He doesnt realise it though.

Betrayal. In any form. It kills the love and theres no coming back from it.

Not saying that's what your DH is doing....but be careful. Slippery slope, in my experience

harknesswitch · 27/04/2021 10:38

Meh, wouldn't bother me.

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 10:42

@Imjustsootired

He wouldn't mind? If you were looking at pics of other men?? Why not?

Maybe I'm a minority but I think that screams of disrespect. It's just not cool

Like others said, the women he looked up.... normal, everyday pics or sexy pics? It sometimes makes a difference

He said he wouldn't mind me looking but as long as I don't touch because I'm his that's what he said.

One has a filter on and one didn't, the one that didn't had a short dress on, they are both are younger than us.

OP posts:

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 10:49

Look but dont touch.

That old chestnut.

No. In today's virtual world, the rules have changed. It is all about looking these days.... what you look at, who you look at, how easy it is to connect with people.

Look but dont touch worked pre internet and social media. Not relevant now.

If the pics were sexy looking.... not just normal women with families / kids etc.... you know what I mean... then I'd have an issue.

I bet you his phone history would give you a shock, sorry to say and I couldn't care less if I get flamed. Seen it too many times.

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 10:52

@Imjustsootired

Look but dont touch.

That old chestnut.

No. In today's virtual world, the rules have changed. It is all about looking these days.... what you look at, who you look at, how easy it is to connect with people.

Look but dont touch worked pre internet and social media. Not relevant now.

If the pics were sexy looking.... not just normal women with families / kids etc.... you know what I mean... then I'd have an issue.

I bet you his phone history would give you a shock, sorry to say and I couldn't care less if I get flamed. Seen it too many times.

He lets me on his phone and leaves it about. There's nothing on it.

OP posts:

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 10:57

Well then maybe it's just me, jaded and always suspicious. Thats what it does to you.

Hopefully for you, it's just your husband innocently taking a look at pictures of other women like he would look at pictures of a new dining table. Nothing in it.

Wish you all the best xx

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2021 11:00

He wouldn't mind? If you were looking at pics of other men?? Why not

What? It’s Facebook! I’m certainly not disrespecting my husband if I look at some hot blokes Facebook,. 😂

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 11:01

Yes you are @Bluntness100

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 11:04

And all this faux shock and laughter at the preposterous nature of what I'm suggesting is irritating to say the least.
"I cant look up sexual pictures of another man whenever I want and my husband just smiles at me adoringly" bullshit is exactly that. Bullshit.

No, I dont want my husband looking up sexual pics or pics that are obviously meant to appeal to men. Fucking NO. Were married. Dont go out of your way to search for these images. You lost the right to perv when you put a ring on my finger.

RevolvingPivot · 27/04/2021 11:05

I like to look at people on FB, people I like people I don't. Men. Women. I'm
Just nosey. I wouldn't like DH looking at photos of women on there but I know how ridiculous that sounds as I think it's ok for me so why not him. I wouldn't say anything that as I'd sound like an idiot.

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 11:07

@Imjustsootired

Well then maybe it's just me, jaded and always suspicious. Thats what it does to you.

Hopefully for you, it's just your husband innocently taking a look at pictures of other women like he would look at pictures of a new dining table. Nothing in it.

Wish you all the best xx

Thank you

I'm thinking now, they've popped up on people you may know and obviously he's clicked on the picture to see if he actually knows them. He obviously left them for me to find because he's not doing anything wrong. He leaves his phone about and if I need to use it he lets me. So maybe I'm just being paranoid.

OP posts:

Imjustsootired · 27/04/2021 11:07

Exactly @RevolvingPivot

None of us like it. We just won't say so, for fear of looking ridiculous. Not wanting your partner actively searching....and that is key here...actively searching....for sexual pics of other women is fucking hurtful to most women.

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 11:11

@Imjustsootired

Exactly *@RevolvingPivot*

None of us like it. We just won't say so, for fear of looking ridiculous. Not wanting your partner actively searching....and that is key here...actively searching....for sexual pics of other women is fucking hurtful to most women.

He didn't actively search for them, but even still I don't like him looking.

OP posts:

RevolvingPivot · 27/04/2021 11:13

I didn't see that comment. Were they sexual pics? On Facebook?!!

Original poster

Vickyjane88 · 27/04/2021 11:14

@RevolvingPivot

I didn't see that comment. Were they sexual pics? On Facebook?!!

One women had a filter on and a low cut top the other one had a short dress on.

OP posts:

ALittleBitConfused1 · 27/04/2021 11:18

I rarely use sm now, for many reasons, however when I do go on there to look at something specific I always bloody get weighlayed. End up looking at all kind of people's profiles, some because I'm nosey, some because...well in all honesty I look at someone's pic and think they're all right. Then I go back to my life without a seconds thought.
I'm happily single but if I was in a relationship I would do the same, same way when I go out I sometimes notice a good looking guy, or a woman's nice handbag. Have a look, appreciate how nice it looks, move on with life. Is that really so wrong.
You don't walk around with blinkers on just because you fall in love with someone.

I would adopt the attitude that as long as he isn't constantly seeking out inappropriate photos, sending friend requests for no other reason than finding a random sexually attractive, or leering over women in the street or in your company, making outwardly sexual remarks what's the big deal.
Surely this doesn't impact you or your relationship. You say you don't know how you feel about it so in all honesty why post, the fact that you have makes me think you do feel something about it and you obviously need to accept that, process why and then take the relevant action according to how you feel.

But in all honesty no it wouldn't bother me and in the example you give I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Phoenix121 · 27/04/2021 11:21

I don't understand what's wrong with looking.

I look at all sorts of things I find interesting and/or attractive. That occasionally includes people.

Are you worried that he's thinking about them in a sexual way?