Single and in your 40s.

[Ilovegreentomatoes]

Anyone else early 40s and single? Do you believe you will still find the one? I'm 42 and after online dating for years apart from a few brief relationships in between I have kind of given up hope. How do other 40+ singles feel.The pool of available men is not only shallow but full of frogs.

44 here! Never been in a relationship. I gave up a long time ago.

@losingtheplotslowly how did you come to terms with that? I worry about loneliness especially when my teen dd leaves home.
There are only so many things that can keep you busy.

To be honest not known anything different so don’t know what I’m missing out on so that helps. No kids either so just used to this being my life.

I have two friends who have recently met partners, one is 70+ & the other is 65 +. Both lived busy, active lives and met the (lovely) men through old fashioned hobbies.... they weren't looking for men, just enjoying life.

And honestly, don't try and find someone just to avoid 'being lonely'.

43 and 3 years separated after a 14 year relationship. I miss the physical side, waking up next to someone, the cuddles. Dabbled in online dating last year, hit it off with a guy only for him to be a mess, he was at the start of his separation after a 13 year relationship and when we met he was still very much in the denial stage. Shame as I actually really liked him, think we were the right people at the wrong time.

It's a cliche but I think you'll find someone when the time is right. My mum got married at 58 after sifting through the frogs on online dating.

40 and single here. Separated after a long marriage and a horrible year of OLD. I also worry about being lonely when my teen girls leave home and sometimes imagine holidays and days out alone.

My experience of men has been very painful so far, my exH was unfaithful many times and the men OLD treated me shabbily too. I've resigned myself to not meeting anyone else as decent men seem so few, I don't think I can face more pain, insecurity and anxiety surrounding men. Deep down I have a tiny hope that someone is out there but realistically I think my path will be a solitary one, I veer towards feeling relief some days and deep sadness on others.

I am 41 and been single for nearly 3 years. Was with the same person since I was 16! I am not actively looking for anyone or dating as I don't feel the need to be with someone. I think a lot of us have been conditioned into thinking we have to find and be with someone as soon as we become single. I just don't have that need and never feel lonely. I do luckily have a big family and lots of friends. Since becoming single I have lots of new sports and hobbies so a lot of my time is taken up with those and also my children's activities too! I do get attention from men but that's as far I can be bothered with. All my attached friends are always moaning about their other halves and I keep thinking it could have been me! It's all pros and cons but for me I enjoy being single far better. If it happens to me it'll be under the best circumstances which will be unexpected!

At 45 I had been single for around a decade (excluding an FWB). Then when I was 46 I met someone lovely. I do fit the cliche though - it happened when I'd given up completely.

Single but blissfully so. 45. I love the peace and unstressed nature of being single. No judgement, no expectations. It's just bliss.
I'm online dating but only interested if someone is perfect. Otherwise, I'll be happily single forever.

I feel your pain @Mermaidwaves I tried OLD in my 30s. Soul destroying. And as for men in real life. Mixed signals and then friendzoned. It’s just so exhausting. My trust in men is shattered. To be honest I think now if any man showed me any interest sadly I would question and doubt it. I’m fried.

How come some women fall so easily into relationships and others really struggle? I know of women that have never stayed single for more than a month and then others like me for years!.Me and my friend (also single same age) were having this conversation and we were both baffled by this.

@Mermaidwaves

I feel like you.
Similar experience, I'm 50 now and my one dc has gone to uni.

Still got that tiny glimmer of hope somewhere.

@Ilovegreentomatoes

How come some women fall so easily into relationships and others really struggle? I know of women that have never stayed single for more than a month and then others like me for years!.Me and my friend (also single same age) were having this conversation and we were both baffled by this.

Because everyone has different bars. Many people just love being in a relationship so don't care if they're a bit 'insert negative point.' For me, in my forties, my bar is ridiculously high. When I'm swiping on online dating, 99 % are left with an 'I'd rather be single' thought in my brain.

Sorry you are having a difficult time OP💐51 and single here. The consolation I can give you, if you find yourself in the same predicament when you reach my age, is that the past so I have been too exhausted to care xx

Dh and I were both mid 40s when we met. Neither of us had been married before and neither had or wanted kids. For different reasons neither of us had prioritised being in a l relationship. 6 months after meeting we moved in together and a year later got married. Neither of us were at the best place but still doing okay when we met. Others couldn't see past those issues or flaws. We had no problem. Now those items are in the past and we are incredibly happy.

I’m almost 50 and have been single for about six years now.but have been single most of my life bar a few relationships that lasted a few years. The thought of never being in love again makes me sad and pains me but I’ve given up. There’s some one in my life now that is interested in me now that I dated in the past but I would be settling for him again which just caused issues the first time we were together.

I see people divorce and remarry within 2 yrs and seem happily ever. It’s never worked like that for me, I go years and years between relationships . Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair.

Yes @Ilovegreentomatoes I’m single at 44, having got divorced at 38, and the marriage started to fail before we had children, so I’m alone.

I have dabbled in OLD on and off, but absolutely hate it. In my experience I tend to meet people when I’m not looking. I’m not very good at trying to manufacture a connection with someone.

After a few attempts at relationships since my divorce, in which the men have been flaky or having some sort of mid-life meltdown, I’ve realised I’m likely to remain single for life.

Like @Mermaidwaves I flick between being absolutely fine about it and then occasionally feeling really sad. I think it would be easier if I had more friends. I have a couple of close ones but they don’t live near me so it’s hard to meet up. I travel a fair bit with my job too so am not around all the time to make friends around where I live.

I think this last year has been hard for many singles. I love to travel, to see friends or go on holiday, but that’s been nearly impossible. But then I know lots of people who are stuck at home with partners driving them crazy, so I’m very happy to be spared that!

I do wonder how some people seem to jump from one relationship to another with seeming ease! I guess we’re all different and looking for different things.

I honestly think it’s just down to luck. I was divorced at 39 and met someone perfect online after quite a bit of online dating. He had only just set up his profile and would have very quickly been snapped up. I decided to say hi before I logged off that night. My life would be completely different now if I hadn’t.
It’s the one time in my life that I’ve been lucky.

So many of you seem resigned to spending the rest of your years alone maybe I was expecting a few positive responses to cheer me up !

Btw I don't mean that in a horrible way I appreciate that OLD is dire I know from experience

Okay then 0P, here is the story to cheer you up and it is true. My mum met her husband in her 60s. I was the one who introduced them. I had slept in so ended up going somewhere else, where I met a charming man whom I later introduced to my mum. Reader, she married him.

I'm 43 and had 2 horrid engagements btw 33 and 38. I know how wrong some men can be.

I finally met an awesome man in 2019 at 41. We got married few weeks to my 42nd bday.

What I'll say is try to enjoy life while planning and hoping for your partner. It'll make it easier to pick a man who will add value and make you happier. There're still great men out there, they might be fewer and not so obvious but you only need one.

Don't give up hope. Make the most or every moment. Your lover awaits!

I am soon to be 50. I got divorced at 40. I am not very well health-wise and have significant conditions that would put many people off. I kissed a few frogs post-divorce before dispatching back to the swamp as they were awful. I gave up on dating but not in a futile bleak way. I just came to enjoy single life and stopped looking, and rejected any offers of interest. Then he turned up for a work meeting, and we knew within a second - it felt spooky and amazing. I never believed in love at first sight, but I do now. I nearly fell over in shock when we set eyes on each other. He felt the same way. Having gone through a major life-changing surgery recently, lockdown (he lives 100's of miles away) and my family set up being challenging (young children with medical conditions, carer obligations to elderly relative, work commitments etc), you would imagine an unhappy ending. He has proved himself to be a lovely strong man who supports me. We are planning living together, marriage etc and I am off on holiday with him as soon as lockdown lifts. I wasn't looking for a man when he turned up, and he wasn't looking either...it just happened randomly. No game playing, we were just honest with each other from the word go.

@arethereanyleftatall
"Single but blissfully so. 45. I love the peace and unstressed nature of being single. No judgement, no expectations. It's just bliss.
I'm online dating but only interested if someone is perfect. Otherwise, I'll be happily single forever."

This basically defines me too, I am 44. Separated a year ago, did a bit of OLD but have actually realised I love being on my own. I love my quiet house, I love things staying where I leave them, I love farting and burping loudly if I wish to without having to act as someone else thinks a "lady" should. I love hogging the whole queen bed and having no one snoring, tossing and turning or getting up for a wee and waking me up. I love sharing my house only with my doggie and inviting friends/lovers to stay over whenever I feel like to.

If I have someone new in my life it will have to be:

• Perfect
• Live in his own house and come only for overnighters
• Great in bed

Anything less and I'll pass, thanks.

I have noticed that, since I realised how happy I am single, I have more and more men interested in me. I don't think it's a coincidence. Confidence and independence are a massive attraction for the right kind of men.