I have a mother who has COPD which she's in final stage of. I have a neighbour making things more difficult than they need be - any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated

[Justarandomusername]

On the same subject there's a tricky situation that's arose that I'm not sure how to handle we have a next door neighbour who I've never liked as she's a gossip but my mothers friends with her.

Last week I was out for just over an hr before I left mum was settled I came home just over an hr later and she had had a panic attack shouting for help the neighbor had a go at me for leaving her alone.

Now she comes round every few days asks mum if there's anything she needs saying she will get it making it it seem like she's calling the shots and I'm expected to be with her 24 7 last night neighbour was in my mother had cut her arm she had been wandering around at night in her room which she sometimes does and managed to cut her arm neighbour asked how she got it mum didn't answer as she's confused I said she must of hurt herself during night when she got up I then went to get mum a fresh blanket as soon as I left room I heard neighbour ask mum who did that to you?

When I came back with blanket there were questions asked about rings my mum used to wear I told her they kept coming off due to her losing weight then mum because she's confused has been saying for last few days that this isn't her home she wants to go home she started going on like this when neighbour was in this convinced neighbour that somebody was trying to take the house off her and wanted to know where the title deeds were its become obvious that this friend sits back does nothing happy to let me do it all yet all she can do is stir.

I don't know how to handle her, any suggestions would be appreciated

And sorry I should have stated c o p d rather that cold in subject heading autocorrect keeps changing it

My brother had COPD and he had panic attacks and confusion as well towards the end. Personally I would not leave her alone, just basing it on how my brother was, I would ask the neighbour to come sit with your mother you if you need to go out. As far as asking about your mother's jewellery and deeds to the house, it's none of your neighbours business. She probably cares a lot about your mother and is being protective, but she needs to mind her own business. Your mother's belongings are only of her concern, or family members, not the neighbour.

Hi @Justarandomusername, we've edited the title, as requested, and we're moving your thread over to our Relationships topic. Hopefully some more Mumsnetters will be along shortly with some advice and support.

Just giving this thread a bump to get it back into Active Conversations for the OP.

It doesn’t sound like she’s stirring, it’s sounds like she’s being a friend to your mother. She’s checking that no one is taking advantage of her. I think that’s absolutely fine, unfortunately lots of older people are taken advantage of, mainly by their carer’s whether they are family or not. I suggest you sit down with the neighbour over a cuppa and actually talk to each other and tell her how things are.

I don't know op, it doesn't sound as though your mum can be left safely now. Does she have any carers? Do you have anyone else to share this with?
My mum died last year and one of her friends was quite critical of the care my sister and I provided despite us doing a we could so I know that feeling but it sounds like you need some help.

If your mum is distressed, confusing and injuring herself when she is alone then it sounds like she needs a bit more support.

Give your GP a ring and ask what is available. You won't be able to do 24:7 on your own.

I hope your mum is having a good day today.

Give social services a call along with you go. Your mum is a vulnerable adult and you deserve some support in caring for her.

There are private agencies that provide private in own home care as well as sit ins.

How old is your mum? I wonder if age concern might be worth a call as well.

I would engage with the neighbour and ask for help whilst you get your support care package. In place because it doesn't sound like your mum should be left alone now

What everyone else said regard to contacting social services about a care package or contacting Age UK With regard to the house deeds that is none of your neighbours business. If she wants to help she can sit with your mum if you need to go out but I would be very wary of letting her in your house when you are not there. I would make it very clear to the neighbour that you are in charge. Has your mum a dementia diagnosis and do you have Power of Attorney or are there any other siblings to help.