Should I worry? Need advice

[mmollymeekinss]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant.

I was on my partners phone looking for a installation date confirmation from Homebase.

I saw a weird message clicked on it and saw a few texts from his ex gf.

They separated a year and a half ago, she cheated on him twice and it got out around work/friends.

Anyway we met shortly after this.

Most texts were basic and there is one in March about a sex dream and how she came and wanted to let him know.

The other text was 2 weeks ago a screenshot of there favourite song AND She put amazing memories.

To confirm there are no replies but I keep thinking well maybe he deleted them?

Her name is under something else which is my first alarm bell but it's been this name since we met? I have never questioned him about it actually he doesn't know I know it's her.

Also one of the texts she sent to him I'd seen before on his WhatsApp archive history but never clicked on it just remembered the sentence.

My question is should I worry? We are in my mind deeply committed having a baby soon and getting married. He treats me exceedingly well. Am I over thinking?

1. he is infact speaking to her.
2. he isn't and just ignoring her messages.

He is slightly older and his phone is there for me to go on whenever he would never be like don't go on it.

Anyway I have her number saved under b I t c h on my phone hahahahahaha if I ever need to contact her I hope I dont.

Apart of me thinks she doesn't know?

Oh yeah worst part she works for the same company as me but my company is huge and global and we would never cross paths she is like an admin assistant and I'm a executive.

Ugh PREGNANCY HORMONES

I guess if he gives you his phone, thats a good thing and he is not hiding things from you and those messages too. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it at the moment, but these messages are not "just friendly" at all, so maybe keep an eye on it.

What for do you need her number? To tell her not to bother him? She is texting him because he allows, so if its unpleasant for you, he should tell her that its inappropriate and ask her to stop or simply block.

@KirstenBlest

Thank you for the lovely comments.

@Bluntness100

Financial markets..... although wouldn't mind giving sales a go.

🤣🥱

@stealthninjamum

It does look bad but can I offer a different perspective?

On Mumsnet whenever someone is dumped or ghosted there are always posters that say ‘block the ex’ posters that say ‘don’t block them it’ll really annoy them to be ignored if they contact.’ Maybe he gets a smug satisfaction when she texts that she now regrets her behaviour. I got dumped by a guy I’d been dating for a month and it hurt a bit. But a year later he was sending messages. I haven’t replied to any and I now have loads from him that I suppose I feel indifferent about. I am now wondering if I should delete them - would hate my partner to find them and think I was responding and deleing the replies.

Thanks so much. It's good to see it from the other side.

We just met for lunch and I spoke about it.

He said he could tell someone was off with me yesterday.

Literally said I saw the texts from EX below the Homebase text and I looked because I was curious especially because the contact name was the town?

He said - I have never replied to any of her messages. I completely ignore them and it doesn't even bother me. I left it there because I have nothing to hide and if you're saw it I would be okay with it because I would just tell you straight up.

He said that they haven't spoken since the broke things off. He said he would never do anything to disrespect me or hurt me and now realises why I would feel this way because he would too.

In regards to name change it's town name and then at the end it says DA he said it stands for don't answer and that he changed her names because he didn't want to see her calls back in the day when it was fresh breakup and he hasn't changed it since.

He said that he hadn't even seen the last message that I'd seen about memories and I opened it when looking for that text.

He made it super clear that he loves me and only me and past is past.

He said contact her if you like he said I have nothing to hide and I want you to know that.

He seemed extremely sincere and was not sad that I had snooped and said he probably would of done the same thing had he been looking for something and saw something dodgy.

His story aligns - yes he has never replied and also the name does have DA at the end.....

I'm forever going to be a skeptic but for now I'm pretty sure I trust him and he was super genuine and he does share everything with me believe it or not I'm not a snooper and this sort of stuff has never crossed my mind.

Thank you for everyone comments.

@BuffyTheBuffetSlayer

KirstenBlest

I do.

Grow up, Buffy.

I was just pointing out to you that it's an informal forum where a wide variety of text preferences take place incase you were new and weren't aware.
As for 'grow up', you're the one getting all biscuit arsed over a misplaced 'of' to the point where you felt you couldn't bypass it, instead jumping on to wag your finger, as well as calling someone ignorant because they don't use your text preference

OP I agree with PP, it is strange her number is under a different name. I wouldn't be happy with DP keeping messages like that either. And he shouldn't need to keep the messages as some form of satisfaction, getting married to you and about to have a baby together should be all the satisfaction he needs. I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Thank you so much for your kind comments.

Pregnancy is highly emotional hormonal time this is my first so I'm feeling very wobbly.

I have now spoken to him so feeling a lot better. Spent way too much time worrying.

I'm going to put it down to male stupidity haha

You are welcome, @WishingHopingThinkingPraying
It's would have not would of.

@KirstenBlest, what are you on about.

Great update OP. Just one thing, why the heck doesn't he block or delete her number?? I'm afraid I'd still feel a tad uncomfortable but at the end of the day, you have to trust him I suppose.

@KirstenBlest you do realise what an idiot you are making of yourself? I would guess that at least 95% of the PP, including OP, know correct grammar. It isn't the point in a forum like this. People are casually chatting about things that they care about. Most of the PP would use of/have correctly in a formal document. Some wouldn't. It's probably on its way to changing so both are acceptable. That's how grammar works in English. Once it becomes majority use, it is correct grammar.

@pog100.
Of is a preposition. Have is a verb. Misuse is ignorance.

I made the comment because OP seemed to be looking down her nose at 'like an admin assistant' because she was 'a executive'.

@pog100, OP has managed to get pregnant with a colleague's child within a year of him splitting up with another colleague. I hope it works out for the baby's sake.

KirstenBlest

@pog100.
Of is a preposition. Have is a verb. Misuse is ignorance.

...said as she gives herself an almighty wedgy pulling up her judgy pants, wagging her long finger of contempt with lips pursed like a Bulldogs bumhole

Are you talking about yourself there Buffy? You seem to have four fingers pointing back at yourself and seem to know all about judgy pants.

'It's probably on its way to changing so both are acceptable.'

Not while there's breath in my body it won't be.

It's wildly inappropriate - not to mention adolescent - for her to send him messages saying she's had a sex dream about and climaxed from it*, so I think she's the childish one. Rename her what you like in your phone.

I'd be worried. Don't like the fact he's kept them; don't like the fact she's under a fake name. Keep your eyes peeled. I think it was too soon after the demise of their relationship for you to get pregnant, honestly, but it's done.

*This is also bollocks, btw. Silly cow.

[quote KirstenBlest]@pog100, OP has managed to get pregnant with a colleague's child within a year of him splitting up with another colleague. I hope it works out for the baby's sake.[/quote]
Jesus!

I didn't feel the need to give a huge back story.

We are in the same industry firstly.

Secondly she wasn't working at the company when we got together, she was a contractor. I didn't even know she worked here until further on down the line and nor did he.

Secondly the baby will be just fine thank you for your concern.

They have been broken up for a longer then a year and half I'm afraid covid has messed with dates because 2020 felt endless.

We had been together officially around 7/8 months when I got pregnant as yes I know not the social norm but we are happy nonetheless based on our current life.....

We both had family desires but obviously he was cheated on and I was in a 7 year abusive controlling relationships prior.

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

'It's probably on its way to changing so both are acceptable.'

Not while there's breath in my body it won't be.

It's wildly inappropriate - not to mention adolescent - for her to send him messages saying she's had a sex dream about and climaxed from it*, so I think she's the childish one. Rename her what you like in your phone.

I'd be worried. Don't like the fact he's kept them; don't like the fact she's under a fake name. Keep your eyes peeled. I think it was too soon after the demise of their relationship for you to get pregnant, honestly, but it's done.

*This is also bollocks, btw. Silly cow.

I agree.

He did block her number after we spoke again in the evening.

He said he was indifferent on the topic and that the name change was because -

He didn't want to see her name pop up on via phone and also out DNA as in do not answer.

Could all be convenient but oh well guess I will have to believe him.

He said I left her remember she cheated on me and my family and friends found out? Why on earth would I want her when I have you.

I was like fair enough

You know where I stand

Honestly if I ever see anything like that again he better prepare himself hahahahaha!