Should I worry? Need advice

[mmollymeekinss]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant.

I was on my partners phone looking for a installation date confirmation from Homebase.

I saw a weird message clicked on it and saw a few texts from his ex gf.

They separated a year and a half ago, she cheated on him twice and it got out around work/friends.

Anyway we met shortly after this.

Most texts were basic and there is one in March about a sex dream and how she came and wanted to let him know.

The other text was 2 weeks ago a screenshot of there favourite song AND She put amazing memories.

To confirm there are no replies but I keep thinking well maybe he deleted them?

Her name is under something else which is my first alarm bell but it's been this name since we met? I have never questioned him about it actually he doesn't know I know it's her.

Also one of the texts she sent to him I'd seen before on his WhatsApp archive history but never clicked on it just remembered the sentence.

My question is should I worry? We are in my mind deeply committed having a baby soon and getting married. He treats me exceedingly well. Am I over thinking?

1. he is infact speaking to her.
2. he isn't and just ignoring her messages.

He is slightly older and his phone is there for me to go on whenever he would never be like don't go on it.

Anyway I have her number saved under b I t c h on my phone hahahahahaha if I ever need to contact her I hope I dont.

Apart of me thinks she doesn't know?

Oh yeah worst part she works for the same company as me but my company is huge and global and we would never cross paths she is like an admin assistant and I'm a executive.

Ugh PREGNANCY HORMONES

She cheated on him twice and he still allows messages from her to get through? You would think he would have blocked her, unless of course he still holds a candle for her. Just ask him.

@autumnalrain

Between your overdue of emojis, you mocking her job, naming her bitch under your phone and snooping his phone ... you sound 19

Oh Jesus!

Please read the other messages about her job I wish I could of edited.

Add 10 years onto to that 19

Thank you ladies for some of the kind comments!

I agree the name it's saved is where he used to lived..... weird I know lol I think he did this because he gives me access to his phone and he knows if I ever did look maybe I would over look it because the name?

Hmm unsure again.

Just looking at him as he cuddles my feet wanting to say something but not wanting to cause an argument and yes I probably will mention it but it makes me look snoopy which I was and 2 not trusting

He has never given me reason to not trust him!

I really appreciate everyone's replies xxx

@Jesskir89

Wow MN usually encourages snooping... op i would ask him outright tbh

I know everyone loves a good snoop Mumsnet is like number one detective offering best advice on stuff like this !!!

Molly, all of this is inappropriate and highly disrespectful to you.

His keeping his Ex’s name hidden is pure deception. She has reached out on a sexual and emotional level, yet he hasn’t shut her down and blocked her. Why is that? I daresay he would not be impressed if the shoe was on the other foot.

I would be having a very serious conversation with him asap.

I'm 3 weeks into the break up of my 6 year relationship after similar discoveries. It turned out he was having an emotional affair with his ex for the past year. It could be nothing in your case, or it could be something. Mine cuddled my feet too. Was the model partner. On the outside...

OP - at least you’ll be financially secure given you’re “a executive” in a “huge and global” company. What is it you do and are you planning to return after mat leave?

OP, I wouldn't be happy at ALL about what you've seen. Very dodgy.

Pretty much been awake the whole night.

I will speak to him when he gets home from work and just say I saw the message when I was looking for Homebase text.

Wrongly looked but it's upset me and I need some clarity here. The name change and the fact that he think it's okay to receive these messages and not let her kindly know he has moved on or at blocked or delete just some kind comms because as someone posted to just let her continue is disrespectful. Literally will be married in 6 months and baby is on the way. It's like he doesn't want her to know I don't know I could sit here and think a gazillion more catastrophic thoughts.

Large part of me hopes he will say I'm sorry yeah she messages me I don't reply I'm not bothered so didn't think about deleting it

Tired of torturing my brain

@mmollymeekinss

Pretty much been awake the whole night.

I will speak to him when he gets home from work and just say I saw the message when I was looking for Homebase text.

Wrongly looked but it's upset me and I need some clarity here. The name change and the fact that he think it's okay to receive these messages and not let her kindly know he has moved on or at blocked or delete just some kind comms because as someone posted to just let her continue is disrespectful. Literally will be married in 6 months and baby is on the way. It's like he doesn't want her to know I don't know I could sit here and think a gazillion more catastrophic thoughts.

Large part of me hopes he will say I'm sorry yeah she messages me I don't reply I'm not bothered so didn't think about deleting it

Tired of torturing my brain

Good call OP, you definitely need to speak to him about it.

@mmollymeekinss, it may be that the worst your partner is guilty of is bad judgement. With less than 2 months left before the baby arrives, I think you should ask him about it. It would be a shame to let uncertainty about your relationship tarnish the happiness of those first few weeks with your little one. Don't let him make this about your reading his messages. He needs to reinforce your trust.

I hope this turns out to be nothing. The only way you'll know how significant the messages are is to ask.

Good luck, congratulations, and cherish the joy your baby will bring. 💜

Pre emoji and fml - I admit to the fact I should not of looked.

You may be an executive but you don't seem to be aware that of isn't a verb.

You need to just talk to him and ask. The more you sit there thinking about it the more you’re stressing yourself out and you really need to think of the baby. I would think however that he should have blocked her by now. What’s the point in having her as a contact anymore? She’s an EX for a reason!

12:15KirstenBlest

Pre emoji and fml - I admit to the fact I should not of looked.

You may be an executive but you don't seem to be aware that of isn't a verb.

You are aware this is informal text speech and not an academic essay so quite often people's posts will have abbreviations, or reflect their accent or dialect right?

Even in informal it shows ignorance.

Nah, he’s not committed. He’s kept sexy texts from her. You’re pregnant...Don’t be naive. It’s the risk you take getting pregnant to someone so soon after they’ve split from a long relationship. I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate.

Would that be a sales “executive”....😂

KirstenBlest

Even in informal it shows ignorance.

Who cares 🤷‍♀️😂

I do.

Grow up, Buffy.

I think this is something to worry about as he has saved her details as another name. Why would you do that if it was innocent?. I’m occasionally in touch with my exh - he is saved on my phone under his name and I always tell DP if he’s txt me.

Don't understand why some are being mean to you.
I think the disguised name, sexual message and the song comment are red flags. He might have deleted his replies or is ignoring but enjoying the attention. Why would she even do that though?
I think you need to have a chat. Tell him you didn't go snooping but..... and see how he reacts as that will be very telling. Ask him if he thinks that's it respectful behaviour and if he would mind if it was the other way round. If there's nothing more to it than a couple of inappropriate messages from her then I'd ask him what's the point of keeping her as a contact. There's been many a post on MN about having friends of the opposite sex and lots agree that if its an ex then it's not always appropriate as there is usually one that was more invested emotionally. Your DP has moved on why does he need validation or get his kicks from her?

My partner is one of the most honest decent people I know, and he's always been very open about anyone from the past getting in touch - however if I stumbled on something like you did, with an ex essentially persistently sharking him, even if he hadn't responded which i wouldn't imagine he would do anyway - well, I'd be massively anxious too. It's over a line. You're at a vulnerable time being heavily pregnant and potentially dependent on him to a lesser or greater degree so I think you do need reassurance.

It does look bad but can I offer a different perspective?

On Mumsnet whenever someone is dumped or ghosted there are always posters that say ‘block the ex’ posters that say ‘don’t block them it’ll really annoy them to be ignored if they contact.’ Maybe he gets a smug satisfaction when she texts that she now regrets her behaviour. I got dumped by a guy I’d been dating for a month and it hurt a bit. But a year later he was sending messages. I haven’t replied to any and I now have loads from him that I suppose I feel indifferent about. I am now wondering if I should delete them - would hate my partner to find them and think I was responding and deleing the replies.

KirstenBlest

I do.

Grow up, Buffy.

I was just pointing out to you that it's an informal forum where a wide variety of text preferences take place incase you were new and weren't aware.
As for 'grow up', you're the one getting all biscuit arsed over a misplaced 'of' to the point where you felt you couldn't bypass it, instead jumping on to wag your finger, as well as calling someone ignorant because they don't use your text preference

OP I agree with PP, it is strange her number is under a different name. I wouldn't be happy with DP keeping messages like that either. And he shouldn't need to keep the messages as some form of satisfaction, getting married to you and about to have a baby together should be all the satisfaction he needs. I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I'm not new and it is not my 'text preference'.

Given that OP seems to look down on admin assistants, others could look down on her for her sloppy English.