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Original poster

He’s still in touch with his ex

28 replies

Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 16:28

Hi, I’d like a bit of advice as I don’t want to tell my friends because I’m embarrassed.

My boyfriend and I have been going out since September last year. There was an incident with his ex where I saw him talking about her to his friend. That did make me feel insecure but he tried to make me feel better about this.

Anyway I did something wrong and looked on his phone, he was with his ex back in 2019. I realised he had never ended the chat with her, so all their pictures etc were still on his phone. I thought this was so so weird, I looked on their messages and they were in touch but only polite messages. I then scrolled a bit further and he basically said he was paranoid over her, he didn’t and doesn’t like the thought of her with other men but he wants her to be happy and won’t stand in the way. She just replied saying he confuses her. I confronted him and he said I shouldn’t of looked through his phone ( I know) he said he’s with me. He’s in love with me, never felt like this before, I’m the best thing that ever happened to me. And he wants his ex to be happy because he cares about her. Is it me or is this just a head fuck

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:14

....

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:17

How old are you both?

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:17

We’re both 28

OP posts:
Unanananana · 25/04/2021 17:20

Sounds like he isn't over her.

autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:21

Tbh what he wrote to his ex doesn’t sound that unusual. It’s hard to switch feelings off overnight. Are the messages recent?

I think your insecurity might be the main issue here

NailsNeedDoing · 25/04/2021 17:23

He’s barely in touch with her if it’s just been a couple of messages. Why is it weird that her pictures are still on his phone? Was he supposed to delete all memory and everything to do with her because they’ve split up? I find that weird.

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:23

The messages were like 3 days ago. I do agree that I’m insecure, I’m trying to work on that separately

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:25

I just find it weird they split up last July, and he still has everything on his phone. To me it’s like he hasn’t gotten over her if he’s paranoid about her with other men.? Like what about us

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:26

Oh that’s changed my mind them. Yes that’s disrespectful to your relationship. Sorry for accusing you of being insecure, you have a right to be in this case!

autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:26

*then

Sakurami · 25/04/2021 17:27

So he wrote 3 days ago that he would find it weird for her to be with other men?

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:29

Yeah. They messaged about something completely random, she said she had to go because she was off out. He said with who. She brushed him off then he said he doesn’t like the thought of her being with another man. Then she replied saying you confuse me. That was it

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:32

Sounds like he’s not over her. It also sounds one sided

autumnalrain · 25/04/2021 17:33

I wouldn’t believe a word he says, looks like he’s playing you both

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 17:37

I feel like he’s playing us both. I don’t know what happened between them. I was hoping I was just being extra insecure. I was realy falling for himSad

OP posts:
netstaller · 25/04/2021 17:46

That's so disrespectful. End it now before you get in deeper, he's not over her.

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 18:50

But he’s so adamant he is. I don’t understand why he’s saying he wants her to be happy and won’t stand in the way? We’ve been planning our life together

OP posts:
WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 25/04/2021 19:17

LTB

CoconutMaracas · 25/04/2021 19:21

Who finished with whom?

Original poster
Sunnydsys · 25/04/2021 19:55

I think mutual. He said he couldn’t see a future with her and didn’t love her in that way.....

OP posts:
CoconutMaracas · 25/04/2021 20:01

It’s more positive if he finished with her ( lost feelings etc) however, no wonder she’s confused as he’s essentially saying he’s jealous of her seeing other guys. It means he must be thinking about her romantically again I guess, otherwise why would you be bothered? Unless he’s just a possessive type person. It would make me feel very uneasy. Did you ask him why he said this?

Sunflower1970 · 26/04/2021 23:25

You shouldn’t have looked at his phone. I think as you are very insecure anyway this relationship has disaster written all over it!!

RLEOM · 27/04/2021 00:53

He still has feelings for her. Leave this mess before you get hurt.

CaraherEIL · 27/04/2021 01:19

I think she is saying he’s confusing her because he ended it and now he’s saying he’s jealous of the thought of her with other guys. Was there a large gap in the messages and he has just started messaging her again 3 days ago or have they continuously been in touch since 2019?You said you overheard him asking someone about her, he is now sending her messages restating his interest to try and keep her thinking about him. Whether he is stringing her along or he is really interested I don’t know but I do know that someone who is totally in love with you would not be doing that with someone else. I am sorry if it so hard when you have really fallen for someone.

JackieLavertysWeirdVoice · 27/04/2021 01:27

I'd be very careful with this guy OP. He dumped this woman only last July and he's still trying to be in her head and her life to the point she's questioning him on it, while 'planning a future' with you?

He sounds like a faker, sorry. Trust your instinct.