How much did your divorce cost?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi

I have been separated from my ex husband for over 3 years now. We agreed at the time to wait to 2 years for a 'no fault' divorce (even though he had an affair) and neither of us have mentioned it since...Covid, etc has taken precedent I guess.

Both of us are in other relationships, although neither of us live with our partners.

My bf is understanding but has asked recently when I think I will get divorced, which I understand (he is divorced). I don't want to get married again, or even live with anyone so getting divorced just hasn't been a priority for me but I guess I need to get the ball rolling sometime as my ex doesn't seem to be.

The main things holding me back are that me and our 2 kids are still in the family home. I work but wouldn't get the mortgage on my own so it's still in joint names and ex makes sure he covers us being able to stay here. It's not a huge place - 3 bedrooms with 2 teenagers and me so downsizing isn't really an option for them to be able to get to school.

Also, I don't have much in the way of savings to pay for solicitors fees so I was wondering what kind of figure I can expect to pay? I know it varies greatly but we are amicable and I wouldn't want to rinse him dry or anything (he basically doesn't have anything worth having apart from his hare of the house and his pension).

Thanks in advance

We were amicable and did ours online, including a consent order to sort the financials. It was about £1000 and he paid some I did the rest. Really easy and straightforward if you agree on everything. You’d have to reach an agreement about the house, think we put in ours I had three years to remortgage other wise I’d sell and we’d split the equity in the way we’d agreed. Then put that in the consent order.

Thanks @Taffydog. I guess I need to speak to him to find out what his preference is (it will be the cheapest option) but good to know we can sort all that online. I'd be happy with a bigger percentage of the house and him to keep his pension I think.

Mine cost around £3000 with a great and fair solicitor (paid his invoices monthly) - but if I was in your position, I'd sort the family home situation out first - agreed between you both with legal backing - i.e. you agree to sell / agree to buy each other out whatever as at any time your current arrangement is informal and your ex could change his mind without any consequences. This is the risk you are taking.

Also, my bf started to pressure me into getting my divorced finalized - he too had divorced swiftly and couldn't understand why I wasn't speeding through it. I explained to him clearly and firmly - I would get the divorce done in my timeline, and he needed to back off. Like you, my priorities had been getting the kids through the massive change of separation and financially getting my affairs in order - the divorce is progressing to conclusion now but only after I'd sorted everything else.

Good luck with navigating this - its tough but keep thinking of your freedom, it will be worth it. PM me if you need anything else too.

Mine cost me in excess of £30k, but mine was very acrimonious as my exh is a narcissistic bellend, who was was extremely bitter that I had the gall to leave him, and so punished me by making things as difficult as possible, and dragging it out for 3 years .

If your stbxh is a semi reasonable human being, you can do it quite cheaply if you agree everything before hand.

Just the court costs, I walked away with nothing though so I wouldn't recommend it.

£2,500 in 1999, because my ex husband wouldn't consent to no blame divorce after two years separation and I couldn't wait five years.

OP - if your bf isn’t bothered that much - why can’t you just tell him how it is.
Your kids are teenagers - so they’ll be leaving home soonish. And staying married makes their life easier. They don’t need to deal with upheaval of moving to a smaller or further away place.
Once they leave - you can sell and split the proceeds with ex and divorce properly.

If a bf can’t understand it - then is he worth having?

If you don't want to sell the house, things might get acrimonious. I have a modest 3 bed, with 2 children, different sexes, very different ages and offered my ex enough to buy his own 2 bedroom flat (he rarely sees the children) He was offended by my offer and we're now in court, with costs swiftly racking up. To be fair, we were never amicable.

Would you sell after the teens have turned 18?

Thank you everyone. My bf is understanding of my reasons for not being divorced yet but I guess he doesn't love the feeling that his gf is still legally married. His divorce was very bitter and done way too quickly though so he has come out of it in a bit of a mess re his family home (can't get off the mortgage or get his ex to sell). I want to avoid that.

My ex and I informally agreed when we separated that I would stay here until our youngest is 18 (he is 14 now) but he was feeling very guilty at the time so not sure what he would say now. He has not mentioned selling the house or anything though...I think we have both just buried our heads in the sand a bit with this side of it all as he fortunately earns enough to be able to rent a nice house while helping me stay here with the kids.

My ex is up to £30k so far because acrimonious. Such a massive shame because it's money that otherwise would be spent on the girls. I imagine everyone will be bankrupt by the time it's finished.

Gosh, the costs seem to be spread quite a way here. I got mine done for £500 in 2017, but we were amicable and did a no fault after two years separation. My solicitors were very good, and offered packages for divorce and house sales that were £500

That sounds like a good deal @Dramalady52. I would rather keep the costs down as neither of us have savings to speak of but I also don't want to sell myself short in the process so feel like I need to speak to a solicitor rather than do it all online?

£3500 in 2003 and it was amicable and relatively straight forward.

I’ve just begun mine. I instigated our divorce, my husband isn't contesting anything, it’s all very amicable. We’re not using solicitors as its so amicable. Im paying €500 to a guy who provides all paperwork and walks me through everything (honestly invaluable) €150 for two pension orders and it was €30 for a commissioner of oaths to sign my paperwork for me. So in total it’s costing me €680. My husband owes me €75 back for his half of the pension orders. So €605 total. This is ireland by the way.

£400 which was for the consent order, amicable enough

@lanbro was that done online or via solicitors? Just wondering if solicitors bump the price up unnecessarily.

Yes they do. I rang a solicitor at the start of this and he wanted to charge me €250 just to have an initial meeting with him! I said this will be a straightforward divorce, no problems etc he basically pooh poohed that! Said i was being naive etc! I found him so patronising so took control and I'm paying very little for my solicitor free divorce!

Basically my advice is if you are parting on friendly terms avoid solicitors. If you're not, get a great one!!

Thanks @CoconutAmericano. We are divorcing on friendly enough terms but I don't really know what I should be asking for in terms of the house, etc.

Mine was £550 which was for the court fees. Completed it myself from the government website. We had sorted the financial bit years previously so didn't have to worry about that.

I did see a solicitor for half an hours free advice but she was basically wanting me to take him to the cleaners and I could see how things could get confrontational very quickly. I just wanted a fair settlement which I believe we got and as we have kids together want us to be on best terms possible and am lucky enough ex not a total twat!!

Mediation was brilliant for us, absolutely brilliant

3 sessions, and provably saved about £10k

@Taffydog

I did see a solicitor for half an hours free advice but she was basically wanting me to take him to the cleaners and I could see how things could get confrontational very quickly. I just wanted a fair settlement which I believe we got and as we have kids together want us to be on best terms possible and am lucky enough ex not a total twat!!

Also got on very well with ex

But where earnings are very high, multiple investments, pensions and property - it needs to be legally formalised

25% more than half our assets.

We had no children and it should have been an easy split. XH just wanted to be a jerk. He refused to hire a solicitor and made sure to as uncooperative as possible. The bill would have gone even higher had I not been willing to be patient and wait for him to throw his tantrum for a couple of years rather than force the issue in court.

I had an income below the threshold to be able to claim the fees so the £500 was waived. I did the paperwork and my paralegal sister double checked them.