How much did your divorce cost?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi

I have been separated from my ex husband for over 3 years now. We agreed at the time to wait to 2 years for a 'no fault' divorce (even though he had an affair) and neither of us have mentioned it since...Covid, etc has taken precedent I guess.

Both of us are in other relationships, although neither of us live with our partners.

My bf is understanding but has asked recently when I think I will get divorced, which I understand (he is divorced). I don't want to get married again, or even live with anyone so getting divorced just hasn't been a priority for me but I guess I need to get the ball rolling sometime as my ex doesn't seem to be.

The main things holding me back are that me and our 2 kids are still in the family home. I work but wouldn't get the mortgage on my own so it's still in joint names and ex makes sure he covers us being able to stay here. It's not a huge place - 3 bedrooms with 2 teenagers and me so downsizing isn't really an option for them to be able to get to school.

Also, I don't have much in the way of savings to pay for solicitors fees so I was wondering what kind of figure I can expect to pay? I know it varies greatly but we are amicable and I wouldn't want to rinse him dry or anything (he basically doesn't have anything worth having apart from his hare of the house and his pension).

Thanks in advance

Thank you. My ex isn’t a complete twat either. I was saying very different 3 years ago, post affair and split and that let of him is still a twat but he has been pretty fair since then and is a good dad so hopefully we can do this as amicably as possible, for their sake.

I am going to make an appt with a solicitor next week, just to get some advice re the financial/house side of things before I make any more decisions.

I was quoted just over £3k including financial order.

It cost me over £9k!

Mainly because I was divorcing an abusive husband which dragged on and on.

Dc and I do not live in family home we sold that as per financial order.

The moving home was additional cost to the £9k.

The whole thing including moving took about two and a half years.

I deliberately never added mine up as it would have depressed me but £10,000 at a guess. I had a very messy divorce with an awkward ex.

I've been separated for nearly 6 years and still not divorced because I know he will make it very difficult going on past behaviour. I did try after about 3 years and he pulled out of mediation the day before. I did start with a solicitor which got expensive and I just thought, I can't afford this.
That's some scary amounts of money up there!
He still lives in the family home (probably worth about 450K now) and I managed to get a small place for the kids and myself somewhere far away.
I guess because I've never dated or even thought about it really, I haven't really had the reason to do it. I know I am probably entitled to half the house but atm we're managing fine.

Bitter divorce. £67,000 and I'll probably spend the rest of my life paying it off!! Ex would not engage and it's still not all wrapped up after 5 years!

Never.... ever.... again !!!!!!!!!!!

I bet that many of the women on this post who have 'divorced amicably' and 'saved a ton on solicitors', have in fact lost out significantly on what their share would have been with legal advice.

You can have an amicable split and still see a solicitor and get a pension valuation, it's just getting proper professional advice like you'd get the house valued if remortgaging.

If he's earning enough to help with your 3 bed while.renting his own place, it's highly likely that he has a good pension, and also quite possible that you taken a back.seat with regards to career to allow for him to take off.

With 4 years until your youngest is 18 you won't be getting child maintenance for much longer. If you're also not planning on living with anyone, and your DCs may want to stay living with you after finishing school, you might find yourself really financially challenged.

Spending a few hundred pounds to see a decent local family solicitor will be a worthwhile investment in your future. You don't need to involve them in communication between you, or ever mention to your ex that you've seen one, and it can be a one-off consultation - but still really worth it.

Ah, just realised I missed that you are going to see a solicitor - great news!

@bonkersday

Bitter divorce. £67,000 and I'll probably spend the rest of my life paying it off!! Ex would not engage and it's still not all wrapped up after 5 years!

Never.... ever.... again !!!!!!!!!!!

Goodness me...that’s crazy! The whole thing is enough to our you off isn’t it. I can’t imagine putting myself through marriage ever again. How people do it multiple times I have no idea!

Thanks @OverTheRubicon. You’re right and this is why I’m going to see a solicitor. I don’t want things to get difficult but I want what me and the kids are entitled to. I’m the one who spent 4 years at uni and came out with debt and 2 degrees to end up on half his salary because I went part-time after having the kids so that he could progress (and shag a colleague in the process).

£875, I had to pay £125 a month towards my legal Aid for 7 months.

My divorce cost me £500 in fees and £32,000 in settlement to the ex. I was the better off one so he had the settlement.

£550 for the divorce (50/50)
£650 financial order (he paid)
£50 to sign the house over to him and get my bit out (I paid)

With coop online

@Joy69

Mine was £550 which was for the court fees. Completed it myself from the government website. We had sorted the financial bit years previously so didn't have to worry about that.

Same If you are both ok same page with stuff then this is most simple cheapest option!

@bonkersday

Bitter divorce. £67,000 and I'll probably spend the rest of my life paying it off!! Ex would not engage and it's still not all wrapped up after 5 years!

Never.... ever.... again !!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness!!!!

Court fees of £400. I did it myself using the .gov websites and downloaded all the forms I needed. He was bankrupt and the house was in negative equity so there wasn't anything to fight over.

Bugger all for me as the ex paid. Printed the forms from Internet. Signed in 2015 when I moved out. Then signed again a year later, he took it to sheriff court and divorce was granted a month later.

Think it cost him 250?

I have to say that @OverTheRubicon is spot on! We did it amicably and it cost us less than £1k but I know I’ve lost out significantly despite having two teens. I chose this route for peace of mind and to remain debt free. I was advised to take a share of his pension but opted for slightly higher percentage on the equity, despite him earning 3 times my salary and him being able to fly as a result of me going part-time and raising our kids. So yes, doing it cheaply usually means you don't want to rock the boat or deal with the stress of it all but you more than likely end up losing out.

£13000. That included an afternoon in court to sort the financials.

Simular situation to you OP but we agreed I'd stay in marital home until DC went up to high school. Which has happened.
I actually got great advice from a webinar on Mumsnet, who recommended mediation to agree split of equity. We are amicable but he won't shift from 50/50. Pensions are equal. It's far easier/cheaper to go down the mediation route (if you can't agree) and sort the financial before you do a simple online divorce. My understanding is that if you don't agree on the financial and go to court, that's when you rack up fees.
I think you are sensible to get the initial solicitors advice but don't be pushed into anything. If, as you say you are amicable, you can share your findings and no doubt he'll do the same.
I'm 4 yrs post separation and no desire to remarry. I'm currently in a relationship and he's totally understanding. I want to do it now, for me. I want independence and hate the feeling that my home is not really mine and that's started to make me feel very unsettled.

The cost of a stamp, the same day I found a 50 pence piece on the ground. So a few pence?

@Sunshineandflipflops

Thank you everyone. My bf is understanding of my reasons for not being divorced yet but I guess he doesn't love the feeling that his gf is still legally married. His divorce was very bitter and done way too quickly though so he has come out of it in a bit of a mess re his family home (can't get off the mortgage or get his ex to sell). I want to avoid that.

My ex and I informally agreed when we separated that I would stay here until our youngest is 18 (he is 14 now) but he was feeling very guilty at the time so not sure what he would say now. He has not mentioned selling the house or anything though...I think we have both just buried our heads in the sand a bit with this side of it all as he fortunately earns enough to be able to rent a nice house while helping me stay here with the kids.

You are very lucky if your H has continued to pay towards your mortgage while renting a place of his own . When you sell your house and realise your equity he could ask for a higher % of it due to this fact . You also said you would take more house than pension - don't do that if you can avoid it. A regular pension is what will keep you in the future as opposed to a an extra bit of equity put in the bank at 0.5%. I think you should be formalising things now - his guilt only gets less with each passing month .

I really would advise you to use mediation first, when I got divorced this was still an optional idea and separate to legals - now the Court expect you to seek mediation first and some sols are trained in both. A few things you have said struck a cord with me - this idea of no fault/fault - its really very insignificant in the divorce process - the Court wants to know that grounds are met for ending the marriage but not much weight is given to who did what. Sometimes this can be a disappointment for people hoping a divorce will acknowledge injustice. It doesn't IME.

You talk about your career development and earning being impacted, if you are seeking some sort of recompense for that in the divorce process it would be important to start talking about that now. In most instances selling the family home is avoided in the divorce process unless it is deemed to be beyond what the family needs are. The benefit of agreeing your financial settlement now is that there is more chance of you arguing for a larger proportion of the family home in recognition of proportionality. Leaving things until the children are adults is more likely to result in the split of assets being based on those circumstances. The more you can agree outside of court the less the costs will be.

25 thousand pounds each . Narc immature ex & unscrupulous solicitor on his side . Would do things like sending only half an e mail . My solicitor would then have to e mail back until the rest was sent . Every E mail racked up another 6 minute block of time .

@OverTheRubicon

I bet that many of the women on this post who have 'divorced amicably' and 'saved a ton on solicitors', have in fact lost out significantly on what their share would have been with legal advice.

You can have an amicable split and still see a solicitor and get a pension valuation, it's just getting proper professional advice like you'd get the house valued if remortgaging.

If he's earning enough to help with your 3 bed while.renting his own place, it's highly likely that he has a good pension, and also quite possible that you taken a back.seat with regards to career to allow for him to take off.

With 4 years until your youngest is 18 you won't be getting child maintenance for much longer. If you're also not planning on living with anyone, and your DCs may want to stay living with you after finishing school, you might find yourself really financially challenged.

Spending a few hundred pounds to see a decent local family solicitor will be a worthwhile investment in your future. You don't need to involve them in communication between you, or ever mention to your ex that you've seen one, and it can be a one-off consultation - but still really worth it.

I agree with every word of this post. I spend lots of time on Mn telling women in your situation to get a valuation for pensions.

They all start off saying that there’s not much in their husband pension. Last person who said this found he had nearly half a million. I suspect your Ex is being reasonable so you don’t ask awkward questions about the marital assets.

Definitely take some advice! Pensions are so important. You can't decide how to split the assets when you don't know what they are.

In divorce, people often turn quite nasty when you ask for more than they want you to have. Hence quite a few of us here spent a lot on legal fees and ended up in court. And please make a will in contemplation of divorce.