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Original poster

Online Dating

41 replies

zetecxti · 18/04/2021 15:25

as anyone else just had enough of the struggles of dating and decide just to no longer bother?

Recently turned 39 and can honestly say i can't see myself ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship. Have been single for many years and just never seem to meet anyone i find attractive or click with. The amount of shit on 'dating sites' you have to go through to find anyone decent or not an abuser.

The final straw was another guy that said he loved me and wanted me to marry him. We had never even met for crying out loud. Was called a C**t because i said i didn't want to meet and that telling someone they love a stranger isn't normal behaviour.

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with some people on these internet 'dating' websites?

OP posts:
Cazza7e · 18/04/2021 15:43

I've given up. It's been a year and I can honestly say it's the best decision I've made. Between weeding out scammers and vile messages I just couldn't be bothered anymore

Original poster
zetecxti · 18/04/2021 15:47

Sorry to hear that as well. I don't why some people have to be vile online. I have given it a good chance from late 20s to present on and off. I didn't find i could stay on the apps or sites for more than a month without getting depressed. But i think i should just give up too. I would rather focus living in the real world.

OP posts:
Ceriane · 18/04/2021 19:13

I’ve given up for the time being as well, can’t be bothered with the hassle!

JadedSoJaded · 18/04/2021 22:10

I’ve given up for now too. It’s very disheartening. Can’t do longer than a month max. I wonder do men find it to be similarly awful?

Wannabegreenfingers · 18/04/2021 22:45

I'm with you ladies. I do have a date on Friday, but I have to come off the sites at least monthly for my own sanity. I'm sure most men on the app were waiting for restrictions to lift to get their leg over!!

Maze76 · 18/04/2021 23:01

It’s utterly depressing. I’ve 2 dates, and neither one looked anything like their profile photos. one guy was just about 5ft.. I think I’m going to take a break.

Mermaidwaves · 19/04/2021 00:22

Another one here who has given up OLD, for good I think. I had a year of awful men, ghosting, heartbreak, love bombing the lot! Every man wanted no strings sex or had some kind of issue. I feel sad that I probably won't meet someone as I'm not a social butterfly but OLD has made me cynical and hate men a little bit, I quit for my own sanity.

CoconutMaracas · 19/04/2021 08:09

I met my dh old but it took years of weekly dates. I met some right oddballs, some nice guys with no chemistry, some liars. It’s part of the course. You could try the meet ups site , may be more normal people there?

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 19/04/2021 08:12

I had given up but lockdown showed me that I’m not happy on my own. I’m out there again, hoping current FWB will step up but OLD is active.

Isitreallyme77 · 20/04/2021 21:30

I have given up too and decided it isn't for me. I had one guy arrange a date then make up some elaborate excuse on the day, so many message then nothing. The last one(and the only one) I did actually meet and really did like is a mess and not ready for anything and I'm now left feeling deflated. Whilst he has gone off to sort his life out, I'm left wondering if he will be back (no I'm not waiting around for him). I don't want to be on my own but the thought of going on the apps again just doesn't appeal to me.

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 20/04/2021 22:56

I met my OH 8 years ago on OLD. Loads of messages from weirdos and a couple of dates (I was very selective!) before I met him. My friend also married her date, her story was like something out of a film!
Don't give up hope. There are some good guys out there, but they are like a needle in a haystack!

GentlemanJay · 20/04/2021 23:17

From a mans point of view. It's just as bad!

Anonanonon · 20/04/2021 23:57

@GentlemanJay

From a mans point of view. It's just as bad!
Ditto. I've given up.

The thing is, I've realised the only way I'll know if I actually "click" with someone is we actually meet in person. I'm not even sure if the whole filtering thing is actually helpful either. Many of the successful couples I know actually have differing interests. I don't actually want a clone who's the opposite gender.

Maybe it was easier before everything turned into an app, with swipes and algorythms and paid extras to "boost" your profile. Someone pointed out to me that you finding your soulmate quickly and easily is actually bad for the dating companies' business. From their point of view, it pays for you to be endlessly browsing, paying for extras, hoping you'll find someone better ad infinitum. And so many of the endless dating sites are now actually owned by only a handful of companies.

AsanteSana · 21/04/2021 00:12

@JadedSoJaded - "yes" is the answer to your rhetorical question, yes, men find it just as awful, or, at least, I do, depressing, soul destroying and confidence sapping

AsanteSana · 21/04/2021 00:15

Although, having said that, I have connected with one or two people who have become friends, so not entirely without merit.

CoconutMaracas · 21/04/2021 07:13

What are the women like on dating sites? Do you get ghosted etc? Just can’t imagine such poor behaviour but .., ?

Lampan · 21/04/2021 07:21

I think it’s fine if it’s just for a laugh but I can imagine it’s very depressing for anyone who’s very keen to find a partner. I’ve dated a few nice normal men and also have some (lots of) comedy stories, but I can quite happily not use it for months and months.

Anonanonon · 21/04/2021 13:24

@CoconutMaracas

What are the women like on dating sites? Do you get ghosted etc? Just can’t imagine such poor behaviour but .., ?
Oh I get ghosted all the time - often by women who contact me first too! And not because I sent a dick pic or said anything unpleasant that I know of 😁. From what I can glean, it’s usually because they’ve got lots of “irons” in the fire and I’m not a priority for their attention compared to others, or else we’ve been chatting great but then I suggest meeting in person - I guess the attention is nice but when things get real they run away or else don’t like me that much. It doesn’t really affect me as I just take it as something to expect.
CoconutMaracas · 21/04/2021 13:34

Ah so just the same experience as women receive, interesting to hear the other side of the story!

Isitreallyme77 · 21/04/2021 15:05

What do people class as ghosting then?

I was talking to a couple of guys over Christmas, there was talk of meeting up but the conversation just slowly died out. I will admit that a guy I had been speaking to for a few months, did get back in contact about the same time as the conversations with these other two started drying up so I didn't try and keep the chats going as I had better chemistry and a better connection with this guy (and knew he was just taking a break to sort his life out so would be back).

LizzieLowe · 10/01/2022 12:36

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Maybejustmaybe2022 · 10/01/2022 12:46

This is where I realised that while my DH and I had broken up for a reason, a month of silence apart massively helped us understand what we need, what didn’t work and how to overcome.

I spent a couple of years of dates, ghosting, catfish and randoms to then find my DH who is loving, handsome and perfect.

We had our on off relationship for a bit but following real hard time apart with no contact, I fell back in love with him and it wasn’t that I missed him, it was just me realising that there wasn’t anything that wrong to warrant going out there to find someone else. Call it better the devil you know but I know he’ll never cheat, treats me well and just, like me, needed some time out to figure what we both valued.

notagain2021 · 10/01/2022 13:21

@LizzieLowe

Sounds fucking horrific

Lpc3 · 10/01/2022 13:42

As a man using OLD my main issue is so few matches which means I get more and more desperate and lower my standards even further. I'm going to try and just ask women out in public instead and am no longer on the apps.

the80srock · 10/01/2022 14:06

Watching this thread with interest. I joined the OLD world last November and OMG what a weird place it is. Most guys I've come across are either navy seal type action men or look like stig of the dump. I had one the other day who only wanted one thing and was brazen about it, made me feel a bit grubby tbh. I lost my husband in July 2019 after 26 really great years together and this is not what I was expecting nor what I want. Considering coming off for a bit, it's been a bit soul destroying.